So It Won't Matter

My life was never anything special. In fact, it was fairly insignificant to most people, and compared to their lives it was nothing. Some people had perfect lives, the money, the looks, the talent. They had friends and family who loved them and a great boyfriend or girlfriend. All they had to worry about was who's party was on which night and what they were going to wear and go with. Then there were the people who's lives were a living hell. They had nobody and nothing and a tragic back story to go along with their sad eyes.

And there were people like me, who were somewhere in between. I don't really have much a story- all I ever was was invisible. My parents thought I was a mistake, and they had no problem letting me know it. I was never seen or heard by anybody else. But I was never depressed- I had my ways of dealing with things.

I had my little brothers and sisters, Samantha, Madison, Corey, and Conner, who thought the world of me. My parents never thought any of them were mistakes, but that was okay with me. I was never jealous because I wanted as much love and encouragement for them as possible. They were enough for me but I knew I would never be enough for them.

At school I didn't have any friends. I was just that quiet girl sitting in the back of the classroom or all alone at a table during lunch. I never talked unless directly spoken to, and no one ever did. Teachers knew my name because I got good grades, but ask anyone else who Jessica Pearson is and they would say, "Who?"

So my life held almost no value to anybody. If I died suddenly, I don't think anyone would really care besides my siblings. It didn't bother me much though, it was just a little lonely sometimes.I think my brothers and sisters could tell how lonesome I was sometimes, and so they each tried to cheer me up in their own way.

Samantha was the next child born after me. She was fourteen when I was seventeen, and a typical teen-aged girl. When she thought I needed to get out of the house, she dragged me with her to the mall. We would see a movie or she would take me to get my hair and makeup done. She was always happy with the results, but made sure to tell me how beautiful she thought I was even without all that. Sometimes I liked getting my makeup done, but I liked going to the movies more. She always picked the best movies.

Madison was the middle child in my family, and she's always hated it. She was ten at the time, and loved to look at the stars. She would wake me in the middle of the night, insisting that I must get up that very second and that it couldn't wait. She said I needed more beauty in my life, and that there was nothing more amazingly beautiful than the night sky. So we would sit at either my window or hers, watching the stars and just talking. When it was really nice outside, we would go lay in the grass in the backyard and stare up at them instead. She was right; they were beautiful.

The second-to-youngest kid was Corey. He was nine and loved music more than anything. If it was ever too quiet for me, he would play me a song. Even at his young age, he was amazing. He was naturally talented with the piano, and he had a beautiful voice. Sometimes he wrote songs about people who he loved, some for our parents, a couple for our siblings, and even a few for his close friends, but he wrote the most about me. Whenever he played a new one for me, I couldn't help but cry. He would smile broadly and tell me that 'crying never got nobody nowhere.'

Conner was the baby, and boy did he ever use that to his advantage. At the age of six, (and-a-half, he would always remind you) he loved for me to tell him stories. He liked to make up stories to tell me too, all of them with happy endings. No matter how bad something seemed, he refused to be anything but optimistic. He believed that no matter what, the story always ends happily. Sometimes I worried about that, but he did always make me feel good. He brought me into a happy place, where I could escape reality.

I loved my brothers and sisters more than anything. They were all I'd had and all I'd known. Samantha got me away from the house when I needed to. Madison showed me the beauty in the sky. Corey brought his wonderful music into my life. Conner helped me escape to a place where there was nothing but happy endings.

I still love them more than anything. They are all I'll ever have and all I'll ever know.The mall still stands in the same place it's been for ever since I can remember. The stars are still twinkling, unchanged in the sky. There's still beautiful music in the world. And there are still stories with happy endings out there. But none of it is the same.

My life has never been anything special. All I ever was was invisible. But at least I had my brothers and sisters. If I died suddenly, I don't think anyone would really care besides my siblings.

So it won't matter when I end this.