The Promise

The Promise

He remembered the day that he made his promise.  He had looked into her eyes and swore that he would keep it, that he would never let it out of his sight.  Out of habit, he pulled the tiny, carved horse from his pocket.  It was taken from heavy oak, the varnish faded after the years kept in pockets and from him rubbing it in moments of thought.  He studied it as it balanced in his palm, the carved horses legs forever caught mid-prance.  If she was around, he never would have kept it.  Then again, if she was around then his life would have gone down a different path, a happier one.  He slipped the horse back into his pocket and settled himself into a seat.  The silence balanced on his shoulders, heavy and constant as he poured himself a large vodka.  The ice clanked as he moved again, his feet now on the footrest in front of him.  He sipped the drink and closed his eyes as it burned down his throat and chest.  These were the rare moments when he felt something, when the alcohol burned and allowed him to forget.  He located the remote, pressed into his thigh and flicked on the TV.  He didn’t watch it for entertainment, he watched it so the silence wasn’t so deafening.  He heard the purr before he felt the pressure of a little body on his lap.  He opened his eyes and smiled down at the small ball of grey and white.  Big green eyes closed in pleasure as he stroked down the kitten’s spine, to the end of her tail and back again.  She arched her back under his hand, her fur soft beneath his fingers.
         “What would I do without you Smokey?”
Smokey purred even louder and the vibrations travelled from his stomach up to his chest.  He had pushed people aside, forcing himself into isolation when it happened.  He could not live in the world, was surprised that it even kept turning without her in it.  Smokey had come a few years ago, a stray that he had found on his step.  She was soaking wet, a tiny, shaking thing that needed his help.  He just hadn’t realized just how much he had needed her.  She had arrived at the moment when he was near the end of his will to keep going.  He had scooped her up, finding an old hair dryer and got her dry as he did a quick search on the internet on how to care for her.  He had never had a pet.  It took just two days for him to realize that she was here to stay and from there, it had been just the two of them.  He didn’t like to think what would have become of him if she hadn’t come along like an odd, four legged, fur covered angel.  He stopped stroking her, and she settled more onto his lap, curling herself into a ball.  He looked down at her and ran through his plan one last time.  He knew what he had to do, what he was going to do but it made it more real every time he remembered.  He would miss her but she would be safe and that was the only thing that mattered.  His eyes got heavier as her purr pulled him into sleep.


He was up before the sun, as he was every morning.  He fed Smokey before making himself a cup of coffee.  He headed to the front porch, settling into a seat.  He sipped at the bitter, black liquid before lighting himself a cigarette.  He watched the sun rise and then the neighbourhood coming to life again after a night of silence.  The young Conner boys from the house directly from his were the first out the door.  They both had swimming at this hour.  He watched their tired looking mother trail them out the door before they all got into the car.  He smiled slightly as the newborn Wilkin baby started crying, faded strands moving down the street.  The baby was suffering from a dose of colic from what he could tell.  The parents, old hands with three other’s in primary and high school respectively, were handling it with ease. 
         “Hello Mr. James.  How are you today?”
Madison Hale was the same age that Andy would have been.  She didn’t look anything like her but he found himself with an instant soft spot for the polite youngster.  He offered her a small smile.
         “Good morning Madison.  What are you doing up so early?”
Madison flopped down on the seat beside him, crossing her legs under her.
         “I have something very important to discuss with you Mr. James”
He fought the smile at her serious tone.  Madison was such a mature little thing, far more mature then some of the adults that he had encountered.
         “What is that Madison?”
Madison sighed and shifted in her seat as she pulled a piece of paper from her pocket.  Her careful fingers unfolded the paper, pressing it flat against her thigh.  She pulled a pencil out from behind her ear, one that was hidden underneath her mass of brown curls. 
         “Last year you only bought two boxes of cookies.  Do you know why I’m selling these cookies?”
         “I know last year it was for a bike, correct?”
Madison nodded before frowning.
         “One that I lost to Jaime Cassidy.  I cannot let it happen this year”
         “Why?  What is on the prize board this year?”
Madison shook her head.
         “I’m not after the prizes, I want the money”
         “Sorry?  They give you money?”
         “Yes.  This on is the big one, this is the chance for me to change everything”
She turned further towards him, her face serious, her dark eyes locked on his.
         “My parents don’t have much money Mr. James.  They work really hard and we have all that we need but nothing more.”
         “That is nothing to be ashamed of”
Madison frowned and her eyes flashed.
         “I am not ashamed.  I would never be ashamed of my family.  I may be only ten Mr. James but I know that they are great people who love me and my brothers.”
         “That kind of knowledge is always a good thing”
Madison relaxed again.
         “One day Mr James, I wish to be an Astronomer.”
         “That’s when you study the moon, stars and planet’s right?”
         “Yes.”
         “So what has this got to do with selling cookies?”
         “The big prize this year is $1,500.”
         “What will you need with that kind of money?”
         “Space Camp.”
Madison leaned forward, her voice urgent.
         “You get to go to NASA and meet all those scientists and astronauts.  I will be able to go for two months over the summer.  Do you know what that would mean for my college applications?”
He smiled down at her, enjoying her excitement.
         “So how many cookies do you need to sell to get that top prize?”
Madison chewed her bottom lip.
         “If I can get every house within a two block radius to purchase five boxes each, then I should be covered.  But Jaime is after the prize as well, even though she has no interest in Space Camp.  She just wants to beat me.  Do you know what the most irritating part is Mr. James?”
He shook his head and waited for her to fill in the answer herself.
         “Her parents could afford to send her themselves, if she actually wanted to go.  She has all the money in the world, yet she still goes after the money that others could use”
         “She must be a very selfish person”
         “And spoilt.  She brings sushi to school for lunch and her driver picks her up at the end of school.  She even has a pet pony”
Madison stopped talking and took a deep breath.  He saw her hatred but behind that he could also see her shame.  She didn’t want to be jealous of her classmate.
         “You know Madison, it does not make you any less of a person if you find yourself getting jealous over someone else’s possessions.”
         “My Mum said that God frowns on those that covert what other’s possess.”
         “She’s right but it all comes down to how you deal with the feeling.  You can let it consume you or you can let it push you harder towards your goal.  And you, Madison Hale, do not let others get in your way, do you?”
         “No”
         “So why let Jaime Cassidy get in your way now?  You want that money, you sell those cookies.”
Madison smiled widely at him.
         “You’re right Mr. James.  I knew that you would set me right.  So how many do you want?”
He studied her for a moment.
         “How many do you need me to take?”
Madison tilted her head, pretending to think, her pencil resting on her lip.  He knew that she would have already calculated how much he would have to purchase to get her over that mark.  And he was certain that it would be nowhere near the five boxes allocated to the rest of the neighbourhood.  But that didn’t matter.  Time was slipping past quickly and he needed to leave behind what good he could.  He waited as Madison continued to consider his cookie fate.
         “Twelve boxes?”
She cocked her eyebrow at him, waiting for him to bargain the number down.
         “Ok”
She blinked and opened her mouth to argue before finally grasping his words.
         “You’re not going to argue with me?”
He shook his head.
         “Nope.  I want you to go to Space Camp.”
Madison launched herself at him, wrapping her thin arms around his neck and squeezing tightly.  He hugged her back, breathing in the innocent scent from her hair.  She wiggled out of his embrace and sat back in her seat.
         “You know what Mr. James?”
         “What Madison?”
         “You are my favourite adult.”
         “Well you are…”
He looked at her as his sentence hung in the air.
         “You’re not a child but your not an adult, are you?”
Madison shrugged.
         “Just call me a kid.  Makes it easier”
He nodded.
         “Well, you are definitely my favourite kid”
         “Thank you”
He and Madison settled into their normal easy silence, watching the neighbourhood as it started to come alive before them.  He would miss this, that much he could admit to himself.  But his promise, both to himself and to his sister, was coming closer and closer to fruition.  He didn’t doubt anymore but still found some moments bittersweet.  He glanced at Madison and wondered how it would all be explained to her later down the track.  Would she hate him?  Would she wonder if she had given the wrong person her trust?  Or, the outcome he feared the most, would she understand?
         “Madison, I have a favour to ask of you”
         “What’s that Mr. James?  After the cookies, I owe you one”
         “What do you think of Smokey?”
Madison smiled and had a look on her face, the kind that kids get when it comes to animals.
         “I love her”
As if she knew that they were talking about her, Smokey came striding over to them, instantly curling her way around Madison’s leg.  Madison tapped her lap and Smokey leapt with an easy grace, curling into a ball and purring her signature purr.  Madison grinned and gently played with Smokey’s tiny paws.
         “She’s so sweet.  Why?”
He smiled.
         “Because I will be going away for a while in a few days and I don’t want Smokey to be alone”
         “So you want me to come over and feed her?”
         “No.  Smokey loves company and she loves you.  I was wondering if you could keep her with you, at your house for a little while”
         “That would be great.  I could do that for you”
         “Your mother won’t have a problem with it?  I can talk to her if you like”
Madison considered it for a moment.
         “That could possibly be the better solution.  She may hear you more then me”
He nodded.
         “Fine.  I will go over this afternoon”
Madison scooped Smokey into her arms and stood, grabbing one of his hands, pulling him from his seat.
         “Why wait?  Mum will be up”
He didn’t protest, letting Madison drag him across the road and into her home.  The house smelt of cookies and laundry detergent.  Madison pushed him into a seat and stood at the bottom of the staircase, Smokey still sleeping on her chest. 
         “MUM!!  Mr. James is here to see you!”
A disembodied voice from the top of the stairs questioned why but Madison ignored it and took a seat next to him.  Soon there were footsteps and Mrs. Hale appeared at the bottom of the stairs, a laundry basket in her arms.  She smiled brightly and put the basket on the floor, offering her hand to him.
         “Hello Mr. James.  I hope Madison isn’t being a nuisance”
He glanced at the girl, a smile on his face.
         “No she’s not.  We simply had business to attend to”
Mrs. Hale looked between them, her eyebrow raised.
         “The cookies, right?”
Madison pretended to be busy stroking Smokey, trying to give an air of innocence.  Mrs. Hale took a seat across from them both, her hands flat on the table.
         “So why has my wonderful daughter dragged you over her this morning?”
Madison glanced at him and he took his cue from her and started speaking.
         “I’m going on business and I will need someone to care for Smokey”
         “Well, Madison could come over and -”
Madison shook her head hard.
         “No Mum.”
Mrs. Hale looked at her daughter, seeming to realize for the first time the kitten tucked under her daughters chin.
         “Why Madison, what’s the problem?”
Madison pulled Smokey from her chest and turned the kitten to face her mother.  Smokey yawned and opened her eyes and looked at Mrs. Hale.  They studied each other for a second before Smokey slipped from Madison’s grasp and landed neatly on the table.  She made her way over to Mrs. Hale and started to purr, a loud booming sound that seemed odd coming from such a tiny creature.  She pressed her head against Mrs. Hale’s hand and he knew that Smokey staying here wouldn’t be an issue. 


He did his normal Sunday routine, the last that he would ever do.  Everything was organised and he was ready.  He walked to the curb, checking for traffic before crossing the road.  It took an hour to get there but he always loved the walk.  Even when it was raining, the road was smooth and easy.  And on the way home he always grabbed a coke at the convenience store.  He found her where he normally did and he sat on the grass, legs crossed, laying the flowers carefully on the stone.
         “Hi Andy”
Her headstone was perfectly clean, one thing that he always made sure of.  His sister had suffered enough  through her short life, the last thing that she needed was a grubby stone.  With practised ease he started telling Andy about his week, the preparation and the promise the he was about to keep.  He had come here the day she was buried, had spent hours on his knees, saying the promise over and over.  He had allowed for signs, but there never were any.  If this was not meant to be then surely something would have happened by now.
         “It’s been twenty years today Andy.  It’s finally happening.”
He closed his eyes and breathed in the fresh, clean air of the cemetery.  The day she was taken, he hadn’t been around.  Then when her body was found, he shut down.  He pushed everyone away and allowed his grief to almost consume him.  Andy had annoyed him, driven him nuts but he was her big brother, he should have been there to protect her.  Instead, her life ended at ten and his ended at fifteen.  The man who had killed her had been caught but the justice system failed Andy as well.  All the evidence that the police had gathered was all circumstantial, so putting him away had been hard enough, let alone trying to prove that he took and murdered Andy.  At fifteen, he was angry.  So he had knelt at her stone and promised that the man who had killed her would never make it back into society, that no other family would go through and get destroyed by this disgusting man.  Now, twenty years on, it was time to keep his second promise.  The tiny carved horse went with him everywhere, a faded memory in his pocket.  It was the last thing that Andy had said to him before she went outside to play, making him promise to keep it safe for her.  That afternoon, she was gone.  He stayed there for a little while longer before leaning forward and kissing the cool stone.
         “I’ll see you soon Andy”
He enjoyed the walk home even more, feeling the sun beat down on him and know thing that soon things would be complete.


Three days later, his final action before he left was the letter.  He had been planning this for a while but after talking with Madison again and seeing her passion, his mind was made up.  First, he wrote a cheque that covered the trip to Space Camp.  The next, he wrote the letter, hoping that it would help others understand.

Dear Madison,

By now you know what has happened but I in no way expect you to understand.  Smart girl as you may be, my actions are decidedly adult, and therefore lack understanding.

Enclosed you will find a cheque for your Space Camp.  Go, learn and have fun.  You deserve it more then you will ever know.

I have organised that when you turn 18, you will receive enough money to pay for the entirety of your college education and possibly even a little travel if you are careful.  I trust that you will wear this money thin with learning.

Be who you need to be Madison.  Find out who you are and do it on purpose.  And one day you will be a beautiful woman, confident in who you are and in what you are doing with you life. 

When people tell you what happened, I know that you are smart enough to not take it all at face value.  I don’t expect you to understand but know that what I did was for valid reasons.  I need to keep my word to keep people safe, to keep children like you safe.  You don’t know my whole story but maybe you could find out by looking up “Andy James”.  The truth is there for you.

Thank you for your company and trust.  You really are my favourite miniature person.  Your friendship is something that I will forever hold dear.

Yours Eternally,
Mr. James


He snuck over to her house at night and slipped the letter and the cheque into the mailbox.  By the time she got them, he would be long gone.  He had said good bye to Smokey already, leaving her to settle into her new home a few days ago.  Just like that, all his ties were cut.  There was now nothing but the promise.  He didn’t pack anything but his wallet and headed to town.

He didn’t look suspicious but that was normal.  People hardly even noticed him anymore.  And that was a benefit for him at this point.  He stood across the street and waited.  The police decorated the front of the courthouse, perhaps to offer some form of protection.  It made him laugh, the idea that the protection was in the completely wrong place.  The protection should have been out there, guarding the kids, saving other Andy’s from a fate that should not be owned by anyone.  He lit a cigarette, finished it and started another.  He had gone through half a pack before something changed.  People were getting thicker and that was when he noticed the paparazzi that decorated the steps.  He saw Kevin Greener for the first time in twenty years.  He was thinner but otherwise unchanged.  He crossed the road in three quick strides and again no one noticed him.  He hand grasped the handle of the gun where it was protruding from under his shirt.  He moved further down the road, a place that Kevin Greener would have to go past to be free.  He had two bullets, his fingers tracing the trigger gently.  When Kevin Greener was there in front of him, he levelled the gun to his face.
         “You killed my sister”
Kevin Greener’s face registered shock, then he noticed the gun for the first time, and registered fear.
         “Listen mate-”
         “Are you scared?”
His arm was steady as he waited for an answer.  Kevin Greener’s voice was thick and he swallowed heavily.
         “Yes.”
         “Good”
And with that, he pulled the trigger.  He watched the bullet pass through Kevin Greener’s brain and the man fall to the ground.  He paused for a moment to watch the blood pool before closing his eyes.  There, behind the lids, he found Andy.  His free hand went to his pocket and palmed the horse.  This was it.  The end of a twenty year battle, one that he had waged alone.  And he was exhausted.  Two promises fulfilled and now there would be peace.  Andy smiled at him from his memories as he raised the gun, pressing it to his temple.  He was still smiling to himself as he pulled the trigger.