How Do I Talk to My Teenager?

Talking to teenagers today is a real challenge. They have so many distractions that can keep them busy that it may seem impossible to even get time with them. However, talking to your teenager is more important than ever. Because of the internet, phones, and the gaming industry, teens will get lost in this world and it may be days before they come up for air.
The reality is today teens aren’t getting enough sleep because they are up chatting, playing a game, texting, sexting, or surfing the web. Many teens stay up until 2 or 3 in the morning and then try to get up for school and get through the day. Most teens don’t tell their parents what they are doing especially if it has to do with sex or weekend parties, skipping school, cheating, even dropping out of school.
Teens want to run their own life and they don’t want to be told what to do. Many teens do what they want when they want and if their parents don’t approve they just go to their friends’ house where their parents are fine with them doing whatever. Many parents are feeling like they are between a rock and a hard place because they don’t have the control they feel they need to have to keep their teen safe.
One parent talked about how they did not approve of underage drinking and so they wouldn’t let them go to certain parties. They later found out that one of their teens best friends parents allow the teens that go to their home to drink alcohol and they justify this by saying I would rather them drink here and know they are safe here than have them sneak around drinking.
What does this have to do with talking to your teen? It has everything to do with it. If your teen is sneaking out, drinking, using drugs, staying up late and you feel like you have lost control you probably have. This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t talk to them but what happens is the conversations usually end up in a heated fight and nothing was accomplished.
Sometimes parents need to just be real and tell their teen what they are worried about and just have a conversation. This isn’t about discipline, it isn’t about being in control, and it about the relationship. As a parent it is easy to get wrapped up in the moment and let all the emotions take over. When this happens the conversation will generally end up in a fight. Parents will need to keep their emotions in check, not get angry at what they are hearing, and be prepared for whatever comes out of their teen mouth. This is a start, and more than likely your teen may tell you things just for the shock factor to see if they can get a rise out of you. Do not take the bait!
The goal is to actually have a conversation and tell them your fears about what you are seeing them do. If they open up just a little consider this a triumph. Parents they need to be able to talk to you without being judged, yelled at, or told they are screwing up. Teens know when they are over their head but because they don’t feel like they can talk to anyone about it but their friends they don’t and then the advice comes from their teenage friend which may not be the best advice. If you want your teen to talk to you, you will have to be calm, patient and not use statements like, “I knew this would happen” or “that friend of yours is trouble” or I told you to study”. It is advantageous to use statements like “how did you handle that” or “is there anything I can do to help” or can I offer a suggestion”. Something that let’s your teen know you have heard them and you are there to support them.
Remember parents to a teenager parents are not that important but secretly they do want to know their parent supports them and they are there to help them.