Little Brother

Sometimes I wonder if I might have seen warning signs if I'd paid more attention as a kid. Was there anything in his behaviour that should have alerted us? Did something happen to trigger such a drastic change in his mentality? Or, was there even really a change – it could simply be that it was who he was, and adolescence brought out his true nature.

If I'd been a little older the first time it happened, I might have left immediately. But I was only 14, and all I could do was back away and run to my room. I'd opened the door to Kazuki's room, ready to challenge him to another high score on any game he wanted to play. I expected to see him sprawled over his bed, or perhaps at his desk, either chewing on his pencil and staring at a blank sheet of paper or scribbling furiously. I certainly didn't expect to see him staring at a razorblade with a look in his eyes I'd never seen before and muttering to himself.

I don't remember most of what he said to me. What I do remember is thinking this isn't normal! I wanted him to look up at me with that stupid, cute grin of his and ask me what I thought about his latest plot or his newest character, not smirk at me with a dead look in his eyes and ask me if I'd ever wondered what it felt like to feel thin, sharp steel slice into human flesh.

Mother and Father noticed Kazuki's behaviour change over the next few years, but they didn't seem to realize just how dangerous he was becoming. He went to a few counsellors, he tried a few different medications. Some of them almost seemed to work, until he quit taking them. He said he couldn't write anything when he was on them, that they changed him too much. Sometimes his temper got the best of him, without warning, over the smallest things. In high school, when he threw the vase at Mother and yelled at her after she asked him to close the window, she didn't get scared or angry. I thought for sure she'd finally agree with me that he should be sent away, but all she did was stare at him before sitting on the couch and crying. Kazuki paced the room a few times, twitching and muttering, before looking at her as if only just realizing she was there and going over to hug her. When she clung to him and spoke to him in her comforting voice, I knew she would never see the worst of him. It's okay, Kazu, it's okay. Everything's okay. She wouldn't – couldn't – send him away to some hospital. Even knowing that, I broached the subject with her again the next day. Until then, I'd never gotten into a fight with my parents. I'd never been yelled at except for the little things in childhood, and even then it was always Father. Mother had never raised her voice to me.

I moved out two days later.

~

Akira closed the notebook he was writing in and put it back in the desk drawer. He wasn't sure what exactly had possessed him to write about his brother for the prompt, and he wasn't sure he was going to turn it in. He'd just have to find another topic, although really he would have preferred skipping the assignment altogether. He never was very skilled at writing; that had always been Kazuki's area of expertise. He much preferred painting with paint, not words; the few times he'd tried keeping a journal his updates were sporadic at best. Besides, even if his professor took it as a work of fiction, he didn't feel like sharing that particular story with anyone. That part of his life was over and done with, and there was no point in revisiting it.

Looking out at the sunrise, Akira rested his chin on his hand and stared at the slowly lightening sky. It was only May; even this early in the school year he didn't want to risk hurting his grades in his final year of undergraduate study at the University of Tokyo. Before he could start thinking of some other topic to write about, the cell phone next to him almost vibrated itself off the desk. He picked it up and immediately grinned when he saw the caller ID.

"Hi Raychelle."

"Hi yourself. Where are you?"

"I'm at home. Where else would I be at five-thirty in the – ohhhh." Akira immediately stood up and began digging through his dresser with one hand.

"Yes, ohhhh. You were supposed to meet me at the park - "

"Thirty minutes ago, I know. I'm sorry. I'll be - "

"Right there, I know." She sighed. "If you keep doing this I'm going to stop inviting you to come jog with me."

Akira smiled. "No you won't." He put the phone on speaker and set it back on the desk, changing into his jogging clothes.

"Just hurry up," she said, with more fondness in her voice than exasperation. "Otherwise I'm going to leave without you."

"Uh huh. I'll be right there."

Five minutes later, he opened his front door and walked down the path to where Raychelle was waiting for him. "Took you long enough," she said, giving him the look she usually reserved for her brothers when they'd been up to their usual antics.

Akira just grinned, looking her over. Even in baggy running clothes with her red hair tamed into a ponytail, she looked beautiful to him. "Are we going to jog, or are you going to berate me?" Without waiting for an answer, he smacked her ass and took off, laughing at her squeak of surprise.

"Akira!" Even after three years of knowing her he still couldn't quite tell the difference between outrage and embarrassment in her voice sometimes.

"Sorry," he called back to her, continuing on his way and waiting for her to catch up to him. They jogged in silence for a while, lost in their own thoughts and rhythmic movement. It wasn't until they slowed to a walk on the way back to Akira's house that he finally said something. "Hey, do you wanna go to dinner with me tonight?"

Raychelle looked at him, seeming a little surprised. "I...suppose so." She smiled at him, and his heart went from slowing down from the jog to stopping altogether.

"I'll pick you up at six." He returned her smile, nodded to her, and went in the house.

~

Staring at the textbook in front of him, Akira yawned before putting his head down on the book. It was late, but the sun was only just setting, staying out late to enjoy the hot July night with the children playing on the sidewalk. Not moving his head, Akira moved an arm up to turn on the lamp, snorting at the book in annoyance. Growing up with his father taking him to work with him and teaching him and quizzing him about the ins and outs of business, most of the information in the textbook was either old news or common sense to him. I probably don't even need to read the book to pass the damn test...

His eyes were only closed for a moment before the phone's ring jolted him upright. He flipped it open without bothering to check the number on the screen. "Hello?"

"Hi, little brother."

Akira frowned, the voice not registering in his head just yet. "...Locke?" The voice was androgynous, and Raychelle's older sister was the only person he could think of at the moment. But Locke had never called him little brother...

The caller laughed. "Who's Locke? Did you replace me with someone already?"

Akira felt cold. He thought about hanging up, but he was frozen in place. "Ka...Kazuki."

"Hey-y, you do remember me!" Kazuki's voice was reminiscent of a parent applauding a child for answering a question right. He sounded elated, with the same in-love-with-life tone Akira remembered when he remembered Kazuki as his best friend, the flesh-and-blood part of himself that he loved more than himself. But his Kazuki was gone.

"What do you want?" His voice didn't have as much hostility as he wanted. Familiarity had caught him off guard. "Why are you calling me?"

"Because I miss you." The change to such a serious tone was abrupt, and might have been startling, might have made his previous tone sound fake if Akira hadn't known what kind of emotional mood swings Kazuki was capable of moving between. "I thought maybe we could get toge - "

"No." Akira clenched a fist unconsciously. "Leave me alone, Kazuki."

"Please, Akira? At least meet me for coffee or something. I want to talk."

"I don't. Don't call me again." He hung up and turned off his phone. He hadn't thought Kazuki would ever try to contact him. He knew he still called their mother sometimes, but she never mentioned him to Akira and Akira had thought it would stay that way – parents, friends, a girlfriend, but no brother. He'd have to ask his mother the next time he was over if she'd given Kazuki his number; he was fairly sure she had. Sighing, Akira tried to clear his mind and return to his studying.

~

Raychelle sat on a park bench, watching the December air fight with the steam rising from the cup that was warming her hands. Akira smiled, noting the way her bright scarf contrasted between her coat and her hair. The flush on her cheeks would look beautiful in a painting of her as some elusive, alluring winter fairy, he mused, but pushed thoughts of his next project to the back of his mind as he walked over to her. "Hi beautiful."

She blinked, his voice interrupting her thoughts, and smiled up at him. "Hi." She giggled when he kissed her cheek, and he smiled at her infectious good mood. "I thought we might go skating after I finish this."

"All right. How's lunch afterwards sound?"

"It sounds great." She stood up and leaned against him, and he put an arm around her. "It's cold out here."

He grinned. "That does tend to happen in the winter..."

She laughed and hit at his chest. "Smartass." She cuddled against him a moment until her phone rang. "Sorry...Hello?" Akira waited patiently while she spoke to whomever was on the other end. "I'm just out with my boyfriend. We're going skating...Oh, you poor thing," she said, laughing. "Why don't you relieve your boredom and come join us then?...Yeah, it's that one. Okay. See you soon." She hung up, then smiled at Akira. "I hope you don't mind that I invited a friend? He's claiming death by boredom if he doesn't find entertainment soon."

"I guess not," Akira said with an over-exaggerated roll of the eyes. She just smiled, knowing he was teasing her and not minding. "So what's this guy's name, anyway? Please tell me he's gay so I don't have to threaten him about stealing you away from me."

Raychelle giggled. "I think he might be, actually. I don't know; he seems like he could go either way." She smiled at him. "But really, you don't need to threaten him." She sipped at her hot chocolate cautiously.

At the river, Akira rented the skates and helped Raychelle lace hers. He did his up and they went out onto the ice, Akira staying close to Raychelle even knowing she had good balance. "So where's this friend of yours?" he asked after a few minutes.

Before Raychelle could answer, another skater slid into her, knocking her down. "Sorry! I never was any good at this. You okay?" He put a hand on her arm, helping her up even though Akira had already grabbed her and pulled her to her feet.

Raychelle smiled. "I'm fine." Akira immediately figured the skater must be the friend she had invited when she hugged him, but his intended amiable greeting dissolved underneath the shock he got when the skater turned to grin at him and he found himself looking straight into his own eyes.

"Hi, little brother."

"What?" Raychelle looked from Akira to Kazuki, then giggled. "I don't know why I didn't see it. I think it's because your hair is different." She tugged at Kazuki's bangs, and Akira noticed that he'd dyed his naturally brown hair bright blond with blue streaks throughout. "I never exactly expected to see such a fashion statement on Akira." She smiled at him. "But I should have noticed your eyes are exactly the same. You could pass for - "

"Twins, yeah." Kazuki smiled back. "I only call him little brother because I was born first. We're identical twins."

"Wow. He never told me." Raychelle looked at Akira and pouted cutely. "Why didn't you tell me you had a twin brother?"

"I don't," said Akira angrily. "Let's go, hun."

"Akira?" Raychelle looked at him with worry evident in her eyes. "What's wrong?" She looked at Kazuki. "What's going on?"

Kazuki smiled at her, but his eyes were sad. "Little brother didn't tell you about me because he hasn't spoken a word to me in four years until I called him a few months ago. Even then he hung up on me."

"Stop making yourself sound like the victim," said Akira, before Raychelle could say anything. "Stay out of my life, and leave us alone."

Kazuki reached over and squeezed Raychelle's hand, and it was all Akira could do to not punch him. "I'll call you later. I don't want to ruin your day out." He smiled at her again, then skated off unsteadily.

Raychelle gave Akira one of those looks that he hated so much, the one that very plainly stated he had just majorly screwed up somehow. "What?" he asked. "Don't give me that l – Where are you going?" Raychelle didn't answer, just continued skating away from him. "Raychelle!"

~

By the time July came around again, an entire year gone since Kazuki called him, Akira had entered his graduate studies, asked Raychelle to move in with him, and (without her knowing, of course) bought the most expensive ring he could find that best suited her tastes.

She forgave him last winter after he explained why he didn't want Kazuki around, and how dangerous Kazuki really was. She agreed to not try to get Akira to forgive him, but at the same time Kazuki charmed her the same way he had always charmed their mother. The best Akira had managed was for her to agree to never go anywhere alone with him, and even then she did that only for Akira, not out of fear.

Akira pulled the ring box out of his pocket and flipped it open to look at the ring. The marquise-cut diamond caught the afternoon sunlight coming in from the window, reminding him of his plans to propose to her outside where the sun could bring out the brilliance of the ring. He went to his study to try and paint, but just wound up staring at the blank canvas for over an hour. Needing something to keep his hands busy, he pulled out the notebook in his desk and started writing.

~

I'm nervous, naturally. But it's not just because I'm going to propose to her. I can't stop thinking about Kazuki. Well, I can't stop thinking about Kazuki's friendship with Ray.

I miss him. I can't say that I don't and try to blow it off, I'll at least admit that much to myself. Raychelle didn't take the easy route like Mother did; she keeps trying to share news of Kazuki with me. She'll corner me and tell me bits and pieces when she can get them in. She told me how he went to a few counsellors on his own after dropping out of school, but it didn't last long. She told me how he almost wound up a drug addict, how only lack of money early into his experimentation stopped him from buying more. She told me how much he hated himself sometimes, most times, and how he wished I were back in his life.

She loves me, I know that. But she cares so deeply about Kazuki...I don't know if that could possibly come between us at some point. The idea of losing her scares me more than he scared me with the razor eight years ago. Raychelle seems convinced that he's safe, that he just needed his family to keep loving him and to stand by him when he was having trouble. And I know by now that she's more stubborn than I when it comes to things she cares about.

I don't know what I should do...

I don't know what I'll do if he calls me again. I could hang up on him, or I could agree to talk with him. I really, really don't k -

~

The buzzing of his phone interrupted his writing. He stared at the caller ID, then slowly picked it up.

"Hi, little brother."