Finally starting to see

How can I start? I guess I can start with me. Not about me personally, but why im writing this. I needed to get away, without really going anywhere. I used to just go to sleep when I start to feel a certain way. Mad, sad, jealous, envy. And lately lonely.
The people around me: I listen to them all day everyday. Im tired of it. Not because they are always talking, but because these people are so wrapped up in their own lives that they don't notice what hurt i'm feeling. It sounds selfish, but Im tired of just holding it in.Im tired of always being selfless and putting my needs after everyone else's. I guess I was just born to listen to others. I should be a shrink or something.
My Relationship: Or whatever that is. I have this guy and I think I am in love with him. Everyday I question it. I know he is not the person I should be with. He is that bad boy who does bad things (drugs and alcohol). nothing too crazy. The thing is, we are so far apart. Im in Virginia and he is in Florida. I miss him so. We would be together 2 years in december. We talk about our lives together and we want to live together; of course we are only 19 he turns 20 this month. I love him so, that it hurts. Yet i still don't know if I should be with him. we have that good girl, bad girl relationship. Only time will tell where our relationship will go.
My Friend with Benefits: Oh this guy is who I need to be with. He is the perfect guy for me. He was my first. And whenever i am in town, we do our thing. Anyway, he is so oblivious to how I feel. But I guess.
Me: After I graduated from high school last year, I tried to stay in shape. You see, I was a tri-athlete, so my body was important. However, I entered this depressed state and everything went downhill. I gained an enormous amount of weight and it has been a nightmare trying to lose it. I guess it doesn't help that I am eating a snickers right now. I feel like I am not worthy of anyone and im not worthy of myself. I don't feel like myself and I can't look at myself for 10 seconds in the mirror. Im trying but its hard. Unfortunatley I have no one to talk to about this. Oh well.
Thats only a few things, but It hurts. And i have never been so lonely. No one to talk to and no one to have fun with. I have no friends and my family don't even call to say hello. Im scared of lonely and now im completley lonely.