Things I Know

They say the most successful writers talk about what they know
I don't want to sound like a smart-ass, but I know a lot

I know i before e except after c
I know that two plus two is four
and four plus four is eight
but two in a row means 3 in beer pong

I know NaCl is salt and H2O is water
I know some chemicals make blue flames
some make green flames
and some make orange
but the best kind of chemistry creates internal flames

I know pizza tastes better at 2am
I know that if you're rude to your waiter they won't spit in your food
but if you're nice to them they'll give you extra fries

I know that when I wear cashmere I get more hugs
and that beta fish are really good listeners

I know that hakuna matata is a wonderful phrase

I know about flirting tricks, hangover cures, pregnancy scares
and the difference between love and lust
I know about the power of hope, the meaning of life, and the value of trust

I know you don't break up with someone over a text message
I know that if you eat within the first 72 hours of being dumped the calories don't count
I know what kind of courage it takes to tell someone how you feel
I know how much it sucks when they never call
I know the sound of a heart skipping

I know personality can turn a 6 into a 10
and a 10 into a 2

I know when it comes to sex there is no shame in saying no, and that your kill count - whether it's 0 or 50 - has absolutely no value

I know that weird is a compliment
I know that Seth Cohen brought back the sex appeal in geeky, and that you should never dumb yourself down to make someone like you
I know that engineers were nerds in highschool but have rockstar status in university

I know that he who asks for help and talks with teachers gets better reference letters
I know that there are some questions that are smarter than others
but for every person who smirks and says you sound dumb there are another three people that are silently thanking you
I know that a 49% doesn't make you an idiot and I know that when you get a 95% you should be modest

I know that people go to Western when they don't get into Queen's
and that people come to Queen's after sending a polite "thanks, but no thanks" to McGill
I know philosophy is hard, biochemistry is hard, film is hard, and you do not judge someone by their major

I know that if you don't want someone to know that you failed your psyc exam,
or crashed your car,
or made out with the guy your friend likes,
you probably shouldn't make it your facebook status
I also know to put my phone somewhere safe after 3 shots

I know mistakes will happen
but if you let your pride get in the way of admitting them, you are making the biggest mistake of all
I know that the high road has less traffic, and that letting go makes room for better things

I know that no matter what your gender, race, class, religion, or sexuality..
I'll hold the door open for you.
If you hold the door open for me I'll say thank you.
If you smile at me I'll smile back.

I know love handles, flat chests, big thighs and a concave ass have no effect on the beauty of your smile
I know a smile can make a cold night a little warmer
I know that honesty is the best policy but if you have nothing nice to say then shut up.

I know the best generosity comes in the form of shoulders and open arms
I know everyone grieves in different ways
some cry, some laugh, some immerse themselves in distractions
some sit with bags and bags of every flavour of Miss. Vickies and watch Buffy the Vampire Slayer reruns

I know perfection is when you take all your mistakes, your flaws, and your insecurities and you look in the mirror and stand up tall
I know a high-five feels better than a slap
I know that if you tell your boss he overpaid you he'll never fire you and he'll probably give you the full check as an honesty bonus

I know exactly how many beers I need to have in order for my roommate's didgeridoo to sound like a full orchestra at Roy Thompson Hall
I know I'm allowed to hate crosby when he plays for the pens, but love him when he scores the gold medal goal
I know that Ottawa's Colonnade Pizza is better than anything in New York City

I know friends is a six letter word
just like circle
and a circle never ends
I know friends are the Flintstones vitamins of the real world
and your mom doesn't get mad when you sneak a few more

I know a lot,
but I know there's still a lot more to learn.