Life as it Goes On

Even when I was little I had to grow up fast. My parents weren’t as responsible as most parents should be. They were always going out to bars and clubs and coming home at three am completely and totally drunk. I have one older sister who is much older than me so she was never around. My parents had her at a young age so by the time I was in 2nd grade she was graduating. I have 4 younger sisters and brothers so once they were born I spent all my time watching over them. Every day I pack their lunches and drop them off at school before I go. I’m only 17 and just got my license 4 months ago. When I was 16 my aunt and uncle from Canada gave me some money to buy a cheap car because they knew my parents were broke from their drinking habits. I have a job at a local store and am currently only making minimum wage. I live in a 3 bedroom house, which is very hectic for a family of seven. My two brothers share a room and my twin sisters do too. They have pretty decent sized rooms, especially compared to mine. My “room” is a supply closet in the corner of the house and is so cramped that I only have room for my bed and one dresser and they barley even fit! My parents are oh so lucky enough to have the huge bedroom on the opposite side of the house away from all of the kid’s rooms.

Now let’s talk about my boyfriend Brandon. He’s the sweetest guy you could ever meet and we were happily in love, well at least I thought we were. He understands that I have to take care of my brothers and sisters and knows that I can’t always be talking to him on the phone or texting. We’ve only been on one real date because of the kids, but that’s okay because sometimes he comes over and helps me watch the them and we hang out after the kids go to sleep. One night Brandon and I got to go to this party, because all the kids were at their friends’ houses. They were a lot of drugs and alcohol being passed around at this party, but I said no to all of it. As for Brandon, he had a couple beers and was definitely drunk before the end of the night. He asked if he could come home with me and spend the night because he didn’t want his parents seeing him drunk. Of course I didn’t want my boyfriend to get in trouble so I said yes. I drove us both home. I will never forget that night. Brandon was drunk and mad and so I just had to please him. I couldn’t say no, I just couldn’t and before I knew it I was pregnant.

I didn’t know what to do! I mean I’m only seventeen and I’m going to have a baby! That was just the craziest thought I could ever think of. I never could have even thought of all people I would be pregnant at such a young age. I needed someone to talk to and it couldn’t be Brandon. I mean he was the one who got us into this mess, well I guess I took part in it too, but I still couldn’t talk to him yet. My parents wouldn’t be much help either; every time I tried talking to them they were either hung over from the night before or annoying from their job. So I decided to talk to my best friend Shannon in school the next day.

“Hey Shannon, what’s up?”

“Oh just fixing one problem on my math homework, what about you?” said Shannon.

I replied, “Well I’m kind of freaking out and I need someone to talk to.”

“Oh okay,” said Shannon, “what’s wrong?”

“Well, you know that party Brandon and I went to the other night,” I said.

“You bet I do Brittney! Breana always has the best parties when her parents are out of town,” replied Shannon.

“Well Brandon got really drunk and so I told him he could stay at my house and well he kind of talked me into doing something,” I said. Something I regret very, very much and now I’m.. I’m.”

“You’re what,” said Shannon.

“I’m pregnant and I don’t know what to do,” I replied with tears in my eyes.

“Oh my gosh,” said Shannon in a shocked voice, “are you kidding me?”

“Unfortunately, no I’m not.” I replied fully in tears now. Then the bell rang and we went to class. I told my mom and dad that day after school. Of course they were too hung over to even care. The hardest part was telling Brandon. He went completely ballistic when he found out! He screamed at me about how I was stupid and how I better be giving that baby up for adoption when it comes.

         That was almost eight months ago. I went two months until the end of my 11th grade school year without showing any signs of being pregnant, but by now being five months into it my belly was huge and I started school in two days. I was really scared what people were going to say about me once they saw that I’m pregnant.

“Hey look at the bright side,” my mom said half drunk one day, “maybe they’ll just think your fat.”

“Mom there is no bright side to being pregnant at seventeen and I don’t want them to think I’m fat either,” I said.

“Yeah Mary, their totally going to know she’s pregnant anyways,” said my dad completely drunk in his loud shrieking voice. Since my parents were no help cheering me up and I knew Brandon wouldn’t be very helpful either I called Shannon. We talked about things and then I brought up the pregnancy topic. I told her how scared I was to go back to school being pregnant. She listened to what I had to say and tried to cheer me up. She told me that people weren’t going to judge me and I should call down. She also said that there is nothing to worry about because she would be there the whole time supporting me and standing up for me. Their was no use telling me this though because I wouldn’t listen to her.

         Then came the big day. I started my senior year of high school that day and I was so nervous that my knobby knees were shaking and my pale lips were quivering as I got in the car to drive to school. It seemed like the drive was way shorter than it used to be, but still the whole time I thought “what are people going to say about me,” “are they going to tease me,” and “will Brandon stick up for me?”  I drove through the parking lot until I found an open space. I parked the car, grabbed my new book bag, and got out of the car. The parking lot was buzzing with people who were all excited to see their friends again and to show off the new editions to their closets. Now I don’t go to a huge school or anything, actually we’re pretty small, but their was enough people to make me want to turn that car around and go back home. Then, I think someone caught eye of me. I tried not to pay attention to it, but I think everyone was whispering and I swear I could feel eyes staring at me. My huge stomach tied in knots and it felt like I could barley breath.

Suddenly from behind me Shannon came up and we walked in together. Shannon and I had every class together even lunch so it was really great knowing I would at least have her alongside me all day. Then I realized I forgot my lunch money at home. I was a nervous wreck and didn’t know if I could make it all day. I wanted to go to the nurse, but I knew what she’d say, “your just nervous for your first day as a senior, don’t sweat it, you’ll do just fine,” and then she’d send me back to class so their was no point of even trying. I was supposed to be super excited for my senior year because it’s my last year until I’m finally out of here, but I wasn’t. I had English 1st period and we were told we were going to write an essay. The essay was to be about the future and we had to picture what we’d be doing, but thinking about my future was exactly what I didn’t want to be doing right then. A couple girls from the other side of the room looked at me and snickered when our teacher gave us the assignment.

         The rest of my day went just like that. People stared and giggled and whispered. I felt alone like no one could understand me, not even Shannon. I mean she’s my best friend, but she doesn’t know what I’m going through. She’s not pregnant, I am and for some strange reason I can’t stand the thought of her trying to comfort me. I just couldn’t take this anymore and even know I really didn’t want to, I had to talk to Brandon. I mean for the past 5 months we’ve barley even spoken and I didn’t know if we’re even still together or not. That day at school I kind of overheard a rumor about Brandon and Breana going on a date last week and I needed to know if it was true or not.  So I called him.

“Hello,” said Brandon sounding surprised to see me calling.

“Hi Brandon,” I said back feeling like I was going to cry.

“What’s up,” asked Brandon pretending like nothing is happening right now.

“Let’s cut to the chase Brandon, I’m five months pregnant and you haven’t spoken to me since the day I told you we were going to be parents,” I said.

“Oh, okay. Well what do you want to talk about,” said Brandon.

“Brandon I know you’re not dumb so you can cut the act. Stop pretending like this didn’t happen because it did and it’s not going to just go away and we need to act like adults here.” I said getting impatient and feeling really annoyed.

“Well I don’t know what you want me to say Brittney!” Brandon said with his leave me alone voice.

“I’ve been wandering this for a long time and I need to know. Are we still together?” I said in kind of a desperate voice.

“Well, I mean.. Look Brittney I kind of like someone else now and we went on a date the other day.” Brandon said.

“So the rumors are true, your dating Breana now aren’t you?” I said shockingly feeling like I was going to burst out crying.

“We’re not dating, yet. I mean I like you Brittney I really do, but Breana is just so fun and pretty and she doesn’t have to babysit all the time like you. She actually has time for me.”

“I don’t have time for you! I always made time for you! Do you know how much begging it takes me to get to go out with you and how much time I spent finding the kid’s friends houses to go to so I could go to that party that one night because you wanted to go so bad? You do remember that night, don’t you Brandon or were you too drunk to even think straight!? Well I remember that night perfectly and I made time for you. I even made so much time for you that I let you stay at my house and that’s how I got pregnant with your baby! Quit making excuses Brandon,” I said with tears streaming down my face like Niagara Falls. Their was a long awkward silence besides the sound of me crying. “I can’t do this anymore Brandon, we need to talk about this sooner or later and we don’t have much time left,” I said through my tears.

“Fine,” he said, “we’ll talk tomorrow. I promise. Meet me at the coffee place by my house at six, but I really have to go, bye.” Then he hung up. By this point I went ballistic. I was balling my light green eyes out and I thought I was going to pull my chocolate brown hair out of my head, but I knew this was for the better because we had to talk about this sooner or later and I preferred sooner. So the next day I would meet him their.

I was super nervous, but kind of almost excited about talking to Brandon and it felt like the day dragged on forever. Finally the school bell rang at 2:30 and I grabbed all my stuff and rushed home. I got my sisters and brothers off the bus and brought them home. Then I called the nanny to make sure she’d be there at 5:30 so I could leave on time. Next, I got a shower and tried really hard to make my hair and makeup look super pretty and I was confident it did. After that came time for the outfit which was the worst part. It took me nearly an hour and a half to find something that was cute and that fit over my huge stomach. As soon as the nanny got to my house I darted out of the house and to my car. I knew Brandon, so I knew that he would be late, but still I wanted to be there on time just in case. By that time I was really excited to see Brandon again and to get to hang out with him. Even though we had to talk about some pretty emotional stuff I still felt like if he didn’t like me he wouldn’t even ask to meet so I went and I avoided the topic as much as I could and flirted nonstop. I don’t really know what got into me that day. I guess it was just my raging hormones from being pregnant. Brandon got so sick of me because I wouldn’t even talk about the baby with him so he left. I went home and cried for hours until I finally realized how dumb I was being. I mean I completely lost track of everything that day and thought that if I didn’t talk about it he’d want to get back together again. I know, how stupid right? So I called him and apologized at we met up again the next day. This time it went better. We talked about the baby and we knew we had to make a decision of what we wanted for this baby. Brandon was pretty set on adoption, but I just couldn’t understand why he would just want to leave our baby behind like that. We talked for about three hours that night and finally came to a decision. We were going to keep the baby, but of course it would be me taking care of it. Of course at that time I didn’t want to find out was the baby was so he/she was still and it. Brandon would get a job and pay child support for the baby. I would continue my part time job and try to earn money myself. Brandon didn’t even want to go to the hospital to see the baby and he didn’t want to hang out with me anymore. By that time I was fine with that because I was so done with him. He told me that since his father worked with wood that they could make me a crib and rocking chair. Brandon also agreed that since he wasn’t going to be a part of this babies life that he would pay for a car seat and other stuff like that. I was happy about that part because it wasn’t right for him to just leave me in the dust like he did.

         The day was finally here. The day I was going to have my baby. Because I was so small they scheduled a c-section for today and I was now in the hospital bead waiting for the doctor to come in saying that he’s ready for the operation. Now my belly is huge. That second the doctor came in and said he was ready and they wheeled my bed into the operation room.

An hour and a half later-

My beautiful baby girl Hope Madison Bukert was now born. Holding her in my hands I thought of all the struggles I am going to go throw. I mean I still have parents who don’t care and still have four little brothers and sisters to take care of, but I know now I have friends you look after me. Obviously Brandon and I did not get back together and he is currently dating the new to be pregnant girl Breana. What a joke he is. I can’t even believe I ever trusted him, but I guess you live and learn and you can’t change your past. Of course I love my baby and I would never give up on her I just wish this could have happened ten years from now with a better guy. Now I have to face the consequences of my actions. But I have to make the best of this. I know that Shannon will be there to support me. So now I get to go home with my beautiful baby girl, my life has been moving on without me, and now it’s time to catch up.