The Eyes That Seek

I’d pictured many ways to kill her for many moons now, and finally, pictures would become reality. I hated her with all the fire that burned in my blood, the rotten cow had stolen him from me, she took him from me, and I will not stand for it, I simply won’t! They say hate and love are one in the same, I beg to differ. I’m getting ahead of myself, aren’t I? Let me start at the beginning, the way everything use to be before Risa and Jack showed up.


I sat down by the river, letting the cool stream run over my feet, the cold of it making my skin prickle. At the time I didn’t mind the cold, it was nice, welcome almost. Leaning back to stare at the sky I never imagined anything but life in our village. It was hard to picture being anywhere else but the only place I had known my whole life. With the water running over my feet, I watched the sky, and just quit thinking.


When I woke I heard the familiar caw of that same familiar raven I had come to know so well. “Xsa,” I began, “do you always have to show up while I’m napping?” His answering caw was a dark one, as if the raven were here as an omen, not familiar friend. Rising to my feet I looked him over, tattered black feathers gleaming in the moonlight, it seemed as if he had his own glow, not one he stole from the moon hanging high above our heads. His eyes, the bottomless black pit they were, seemed to consume the light he gave off. It was an odd thing to see him so dark.


Expanding his great black wings, he glided down to sit upon my shoulder, the leather vest unyielding to his sharp talons. I lifted my hand as if to pet the raven I had come to know so well, but the caw he gave me demanded I pay attention and be serious about this. Bending he picked up a stray strand of my brown hair, it only fell to my chin but Xsa didn’t seem to mind as he kept it in his beak lifting it in front of my face as if to show me a piece of myself.


“I don’t get it Xsa,” I shook my head slightly, careful not to pull the strand of hair form Xsa’s beak just in case, “what is it you’re trying to show me?” Frustrated I sighed; Xsa flew from my shoulder holding the strand in his mouth pulling me towards the river. I followed without hesitation moving quickly to the river, and as he landed letting go of my brown hair, I kneeled beside him waiting for his next instructions; turning his head to the river he ruffled his feathers a bit moving closer as if looking deep into the waters running slowly down the land.


Fighting the sudden surge of fear that had grown within me, I looked over the edge, at first seeing only the mirror reflection of myself in the water, as if looking into a mirror and seeing myself projected back to me. My brown hair framing my face quite easily as my pale skin contrasted against the color. The grey eyes I called my own watching me as I were watching them. My pale lips moving as my own did when I breathed; the small framed figure looking back at me was myself, no doubt lived in that. Xsa shuffled in beside me pressing his small feathered frame tightly against mine as the image shifted and changed the water seeming to still even further. A small gasp escaped my lips but the lips I looked down at didn’t move as mine did.


The woman looking back at me from the water was someone completely different, her eyes were the same shade of vibrant grey as my own, showing years of hardened hate and sorrow living there beneath the surface. She had a scar, a ragged ugly scar running from the tip of her cheeks to the base of her neck; almost as if someone had dragged a blade across her skin. Her lips were as pale as snow, yet they held stubborn lines, almost as if the hard times of this woman’s life lived there, like trophies on their shelf. Brown hair, long and flowing fell down her shoulders, almost as if she had left it untouched; let it fall as it pleased in the morning when she woke. Unsettled by the image I slid back letting the image leave my vision before I realized I was holding my breath.


“She…” I began looking down to Xsa who had been watching my reaction since the familiar stranger had appeared in the water, “She was me…” Xsa nodded as if to confirm anything I might have to say next was invalid and only that single realization mattered. I slid back onto my back wrapping my small arms around myself, shivers racking my body though the air was warm, it had shaken my soul, and I knew that whatever I had seen tonight was nothing good and bright.


The next morning I woke to Xsa nudging his large beak against my chin, he did this every morning, but with last night’s images still clouding my mind it was impossible to slip into routine. “Little Raven?” A man’s voice called from outside the small leather tent I inhabited a ways away from the village I called my home. I froze on the pallet rising slowly pulling the leather vest over my head, and tugged the old ripped and ragged pair of men’s pants on as silently as I could. Grabbing my bow and quiver I stepped out from the tent, notching the arrow easily and standing.


“Name?” My voice was low, feral, almost as I looked the man over, his black hair shining in the light of the day, sparkling almost as the clear waters of the river. His eyes, they were the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen in my many moon cycles, granted I was only fifteen, that was still a lot of moon cycles to live. He was tall, his skin almost as pale as mine, despite the color in his cheeks. Keeping the arrow notched I moved closer to him, his Hazel eyes watching me intently as I moved over the ground, my bare feet padding across the grass with purpose shining through my body.


“Jack.” His voice! By the Goddess it low, husked, and almost… shy. I couldn’t quite place why it made the blood freeze in my veins. I ignored the sinking feeling of my stomach and moved forward still the bow gripped tightly against myself, as if it could provide me comfort and joy.


“Jack, I bid you my warmest welcome to my tent at suns rise,” I could hear the sarcasm dripping from my voice but continued on, “go ahead and enter.” He moved slowly towards the tent as if to see if I would shoot him, but I simply stood, as stiff as a statue bow held ready quivering with energy. “Oh, and, please do leave Xsa alone, I’d hate for anything to happen to my little Raven friend, because then something would happen to his captor.” A wild smile grew upon my lips, and I knew he saw the madness in me as I saw it myself. It was as if all my sanity had rushed from me into that woman in the river, she was me, I was her, and my fate would be the same.


He stepped into my tent and before I decided to shoot him in the insanity that had seemed to take my mind I dropped the bow onto the low pallet, still messed from my rough night’s sleep. “Well,” He began, I could see those hazel eyes dart around the small area as If searching for anything he might need to be wary of. “It’s quite smaller on the inside then it would seem from the outside.” His gaze returned to me and my empty hands before quickly looking for the quiver and bow, pointing to the pallet I moved towards the venison skin hanging in the doorway tying it back to let the sun rain in.


“It is,” I began, but thought better of myself and stopped, looking back to him I turned and smiled holding out a single, small, pale hand to him. “My name’s Kari by the way.” He shook my hand almost reluctantly before moving over to sit on the edge of my pallet. We fell into a long silence that seemed to last two sun spots before I walked through the opening of the tent to sit again by the river that use to bring me solace, but now filled my heart with undeniable dread.


Xsa decided at that moment to make himself know I suppose, because just as I went to lay my feet in the water his familiar caw sounded in a nearby tree. Smiling I sat still as he took his usual perch upon my shoulder, stroking his head gently I sighed looking down into the water, as if the memories of that woman were themselves happening again in that moment.

“He’s a very friendly bird that’s for sure.” His voice was low, almost as if he regretted to disturb my thoughts; little did he know how thankful I was to him for pulling me from that dark place in the recesses of my mind. Standing I ran my fingers over Xsa’s head smiling softly to the raven as he nuzzled against my hand.


“He is,” I spoke the words as if they were more absentminded then thought through. I pretended not to notice him watching me, the way his glowing hazel eyes would trail after my movements as if he was drinking in my figure, my soul.


“Jack! There you are, I’ve been looking for you for the last fifteen moon cycles.” A female voice rang through the hair; I could feel Xsa tense on my shoulder at the sound of her high, over-exaggerated voice. Jack seemed to slump to the ground as he quickly took me into his arms, and kissed me.


I was so shocked at first I could do nothing. I stood in his arms like there was no life left in my body, then his kiss turned from hard and rough to something more gentle, slow, like we were two lovers kissing under the moonlight just to keep one-another close to ourselves. Returning his kiss with one of my own I slid my arms around his shoulders, it felt as if the blood in my veins was singing in joy with the rest of my body at the feel of him. The woman walked swiftly to us, the spell of shock being broken by my returned kiss to him, ripping me away from him by the arm she lifted me to eyelevel.


“What, the hell, do you think, you’re doing.” She paused between words almost as if using them as daggers herself to pierce through me.

“Kissing the man I’ve fallen for,” the amount of venom in my own voice Surprised me, and the word love! I had told her I loved him when I wasn’t even sure of it myself. I could see his shocked expression from the corner of my view but I didn’t let that bother me now.


“Risa, put her down.” He knew her name, by the goddess, they knew each other! I wanted nothing more in my life then to go to my pallet and take the quiver and bow before sinking one of my arrows into this petty woman’s chest. Jack reached to pull me from this ‘Risa’ before giving her a hard long look. Looking back her I was clearly able to see her figure for the first time. She was tall, with long black hair; her skin was tanned and pretty. She reminded me of a Gypsy, pretty, and the personality of a snake. Her green eyes narrow as she took me in, seeming to pry into the deep recesses of my soul.


“Jack, quit wasting your time with her, “ Risa began her eyes falling on me, as I made sure to lay my hand on his chest and my head on his shoulder. She would not take him from me, I would not let it happen.


“You always were a lovely woman Risa.” He laughed at her… a happy sound as if he was glad she had said it. Gently taking me away from himself he walked towards her and placed a hand on her arm. The intimacy they shared sent my blood boiling, I wanted nothing more in my life then to kill her then and there where she stood. Many moons would pass before I would have my chance, so until then, I lay in wait.


I’d pictured many ways to kill her for many moons now, and finally, pictures would become reality. I hated her, honest as the Raven that woke me every morning, I hated her. She will die before I let myself fall to her. Today is the day, we fight, for him.


Walking out into the sun I smiled stretching my limbs. He was standing by the river, she beside him. They were always side by side now, and it sickened me to my very core. His gaze fell on me and I could see the shock lying in his eyes. I had changed, and I knew it every time I gazed into that same river as she and saw myself reflected back at me. My chest had grown; my figure had filled out greatly. I knew the muscle I had built from training had changed me. But my hair, my eyes, and my skin tone would always stay the same.


“Oh Kari! Look at how you’ve grown! The little ugly duck, blooming into the even uglier cow!” She burst into laughter and I wasted no time. Moving quickly I slide my knife from the leather vest I had fallen to sleep in and held it to her throat.


“Listen here you low-life piece of Venison,” My grey eyes bore into her own green pits, the surprised look vanishing from her features, morphing into hate and rage. Beyond anything I had seen before. “You stole him from me, you took him from me. I won’t let you live to see another moon.”

I felt his arms slide around my waste before I saw him. He pulled me back from her and stared deep into my eyes. His hazel eyes shining withsomething I just couldn’t identify, his black hair framing his already sharp features perfectly, he hadn’t changed a single bit.

“Kari, I loved you once, but I don’t anymore. I’m happy with Risa. If you kill Risa, it won’t matter, because I will never care for you that way again, Kari.” His words… they cut deeper than any blade could ever reach. I seemed disconnected from myself, hearing myself whimper so quietly it was as if I hadn’t made a sound at all. I fell limp in his arms, my body seeming too heavy to lift. Surprise crossed his features as Xsa flew in at that moment and decided to slash his talons directly across my face. I felt the blood slowly slide down my face, that single sensation broke me from my trance. Picking myself up I shoved back from his arms swinging my hands back.


The crack of my hand against his face echoed through the wood around us. Xsa landing quietly on my shoulder picked at the leather vest with his beak as if to tell me to walk away. I walked towards the river ignoring the two shocked set of eyes burning into my back as I bent over the river washing the blood from my face. Looking down into the water, the woman I saw there, was exactly the one from that night, oh so long ago.


Standing stiffly I walked to the tent sitting down on the pallet, resting my head in my hands and waiting for the night to fall, so I may leave by the moonlight. I looked up to the shadowed figure standing in my doorway, heard the twang of the bow. I didn’t feel anything at first, simply looked to the arrow bedded neatly into my shoulder. I watched the blood run slowly, staining the vest and my skin.


A small hysteric giggle escaped my lips as I stood and grabbed the arrow with my hand, my pale skin contrasting greatly in the sunlight to the deep brown of the wood. Pulling the arrow neatly from my shoulder I convulsed. Straightening myself I smiled blood pouring freely from the wound. I hear the gasp of the figure, obviously male. Looking him deeply into where his eyes should be I smiled and whispered, “I bid you farewell, my lost life.” Before the world around me went black.