when st. peter was sick

Back to same old same old, well, you see, yesterday st. peter was sick. So yours truly stepped in. I thought it would be a good break from playing the harp and looking generally heavenly. That and God kinda told me to, who'd have thought a bright shiny light would be so scary? For your sake I'll skip to the interesting part.

I knew how they had died as soon as I saw them, it was mostly the stench of petrol but also it was the petrified look on them. One was a middle aged woman with short blond, while the other was a teen boy with shaggy blond hair and baggy jeans. I set up the scales as they shuffled nervously up to me and gaped at me with wonder.

“Are you St. Peter?” the woman asked.

“Nope” I said “I'm Raphael, I'm just filling in”.

I glanced at the scale and saw that it was weighing heavily on the good side, I turned to the woman.

“Congratulations” I said in a monotone “you've got into Heaven”.

Then I looked at the other set of scales and saw that the youth was going to Hell.

“On the other hand, you're going to Hell” I told the youth.

He shrugged and grunted, I kinda expected more and there was, just not from him.

“What? No” whispered the mother “no, no, you, not my Tommy”.

Then she was sobbing and blubbering, tears from her eyes and snot from her nose fell like a waterfall- or Niagara falls. 

“Okay, okay, I'll go talk to God” I said.

Though she was being very annoying and loud, there's something about crying woman that make me want to help. I suppose I'm just a big softy. Ah, there God is in all his holiness and glowingness.

“God?” I asked.

“Yes Raphael?” he asked warily.

“umm, there's this guy but he has to go to Hell, but it just seem so harsh, can I just sneak him through those pearly gates?”

“No” he said

“But his Mum is crying and stuff”.

“If the morality test says he's not going in Heaven, then he's not going into heaven”.

“Your test is floored” I said forcefly.

“Rapheal, stop being so, so, so you!” he said

“Well that wasn't very nice” I said slightly hurt

“Would you just go away?” he said

“But what about the crying mum and stuff?” I said

“I don't know! I suppose if you can redeem him he can go to heaven, happy?” He snapped

I grinned and nodded enthusiastically.

“good, now leave me alone”. He dismissed with a wave of his hand

I ran off happily to tell the mother and son of how he must redeem himself. I looked up his file and found that he was a bit of a rebel without cause. I
found him and I took his hand and whisked us down to earth and his home town. He looked a bit green, but he couldn't throw up because he was a ghost. I took him to the house I knew he had been at

“you can't make me feel guilty” Tommy grunted “who d'ya think ya are?”

“An Angel, divine messenger of God, I thought the halo and wings were a bit of a hint”.

he rolled his eyes but carried on.

“what d'ya want me to do?”.

“you have to redeem yourself!” I exclaimed.

“fine, get Cupid to zap her”.

“Zap her? Okay, I should warn you though Cupid isn't the cute little cherub everyone thinks he is”.

I took his shoulder and flew us back to Heaven, and rushed around a bit till we found Cupid.

Sharpening his arrows.

“Cupid?”

“Raphael” Cupid muttered “what do you want?”.

“I was hoping for some love struck teenagers”.

Cupid tilted his head to the side before answering with a resounding.

“No”.

“Please?” I begged “what do you want from it?”

“Why? So I  get to watch as people stick their tongue down each other's throat, then hear them whisper 'oh I love you so much' but do you ever hear anyone loving Cupid?”

“But Cupid” I said “I love you in, a brotherly way”.

“Huh” huffed Cupid.

“I'll give you a heart shaped box of chocolates”.

“Alright then” Cupid consented “what's their names?”

“Lucy Jones and.....”

“Mike Brown” Tommy interrupted “he's cool and he's loved her for years”.

we went back to Tommy's scales to see of they tipped.

They hadn't.

We tried everything, we righted all his wrongs. I got him to clean the house he egged, pay for the phone booth he vandalised and write an apology to everyone he hurt. Still the scales stayed the same. I sighed went over to Tommy's weeping Mother and told her that she would have to leave her son.

“Why?” she cried “it's not fair, why?”

she looked so pathetic. In a heap on the floor, with her body shaking and jerking with her sobs. Then she stopped and looked up at me with desperate eyes.

“Swap us” she pleaded “I'll go to Hell and Tommy can go to Heaven”

I didn't want to turn her down but I knew I would have to. Luckily, though something brilliant happened.

“No” came a firm and decisive voice, it was Tommy's “I won't let Mum go to Hell”

in the shocked silence there was an eeeek I looked round to see that Tommy's scales had tipped to the good side. I smirked.

“well done, it just took one selfless act, who'd have thought you'd be such momma's boy”.

He sneered at me.

“Congratulations, you've got into Heaven”.