Always Lost

Always lost,
Confused and hurt,
Wandering alone with torment etched within the chambers of my barley beating heart.
And still I hope and smile,
Only to be tortured.
Teased and twisted,
Mangling my conscience and destroying my soul until I can barely breathe.

And while despair and loss swell within me,
I grit my teeth and promise to try.
To smile while my heart is torn to shreds,
To laugh while my veins close and warmth ceases to spread throughout my body,
To hope when my chest feels heavy with despair.

This hate,
This passion,
This anger driving me forwards,
Killing me,
Sustaining me,
Threatening to overwhelm me at every turn.

These crucial cross roads,
Confusing and blinding,
Binding choices.
No return, no end, no escape.
Wandering, turning, choosing, hoping, crying,
Forever.

Alone,
Confused and screaming into an endless night,.
A long dark tunnel of empty souls and shattered dreams confronts me,
And still I stand alone at the threshold.
Afraid to move forwards, and scared to look back,
Stuck in an endless moment of pain.

My heart beats slowly,
Drudgingly,
Weighed down by cruelty and spite,
Broken by lust and malevolent dreams,
Scarred by misfortune and torn by hatred.

But still beating,
In a slow and agonising rhythm.
Trapped within the confines of my bruised and battered body,
Finding refuge in the darkness,
And sustaining my lust to live.