Paper, Rock, Scissors, Lamp

The smell of roasting meat wafted from a nearby restaurant as James dug through the dumpster in the back. It was midnight and the smell of trash and roasting meat was making his stomach turn. But that's what he got for accidentally throwing away his wife's lamp.

His wife Sybil stood nearby and it was hard to tell if her look of disgust was from James throwing out the lamp or the smell. "Have you found my lamp yet?"

"No, I haven't." Using a two by four he found near the dumpster, James moved a trash bag over and it broke apart, spilling out trash in the dumpster. He grunted and said, "How about helping me? We can find it sooner if we both look."

Sybil snapped, "You're the one who threw it out."

"I said I was sorry." For the hundredth time. He looked around the dumpster a couple of minutes and said, "The lamp isn't in here. I'm afraid it's gone."

Sybil looked distressed. "My mom gave me that lamp. If she found out it's gone, I'll never hear the end of it."

James set the two by four next to the dumpster and went over to Sybil. "Tell your mom I accidentally threw it away. Then she can blame me."

"Trust me, I will."

James didn't like the tone of her voice. "If the lamp was so important to you, why was it in the closet?"

"It doesn't match the apartment's decor."

James said sarcastically, "Of course." He noticed a disheveled man pushing a grocery cart heading towards the dumpster. Sybil noticed the man and she got closer to James.

The man eyed them suspiciously and growled, "Hey, this is my dumpster."

James said, "Oh, we're just looking for my wife's lamp I accidentally threw out." He looked at the contents of the cart and noticed a lamp. Pointing at the lamp, he asked, "Did you get the lamp out of this dumpster? If it's the lamp we're looking for, I'll give you twenty dollars for it."

"The lamp isn't for sale." The man thought for moment and said, "How about we play paper, rock, scissors for it?"

Sybil said, "We can do that."

The man pointed at James and said, "I'll play against your husband. Ready?"

"Sure." James thought, I'm playing paper, rock, scissors at midnight with a bum for a lamp. Crazy.

James and the man pounded their fists into their hands three times. He produced a rock. The man produced a paper.

The man smiled. Some of his teeth were missing. "I win. No lamp for you."

Sybil said, "I'll play you for the lamp."

"I usually don't play a man's game with a girl, but you're sort of cute." Sybil and the man pounded their fists into their hands three times. Sybil produced scissors. The man produced a rock.

The man said, "You lose. No lamp for you either."

Sybil said, "Look, that's my mom's lamp she gave me. Let's play for it again."

"No. Go away now." The man pushed the cart towards the dumpster.

Sybil reached out and touched the man's arm. The man jerked away and produced a pair of scissors. Real scissors. "I told you to leave. Back off, lady."

Sybil was startled for a moment, then glowered at the man. "You want to play paper, rock, scissors, huh? How about paper, rock, gun!" In a flash she pointed a .380 automatic at him. "Let me see the lamp. If it's mine, We'll buy it. If not, we'll leave."

The man dropped the scissors and put up his hands. "If you want the lamp that bad, take it. I'm not going to get shot over a lamp." He backed up and said, "Your wife is crazy." He ran away, leaving the cart.

James couldn't believe what he just saw. As Sybil got the lamp, he said, "You pulled a gun on a guy for a lamp. He's right, you are crazy."

Sybil was incredulous. "I wasn't going to shoot him. Besides, he pulled a pair of scissors on me."

"You touched his arm. He probably felt threatened."

"Well, I felt threatened too." She inspected the lamp and said, "That's my lamp. We'll leave twenty dollars in cart for it."

"How nice. I'm sure he'll appreciate it." James took a twenty dollar bill from his wallet and put it in the cart. "Let's get out of here before we get in any more trouble."

Sybil put her gun away. "The next time you want to do something nice for me, wash the dishes."