The Voice

I laid there in bed thinking about her…that smile…those eye’s…everything about her made me love her even more. Then he pops up in my head…he to whom as they call ben…he sits beside her in class…they hang out after school…they love the same music and take the same pills. Then I shake my head. I think “no there just friends nothing to worrie about”. but the jealousy come back soon after I lie to my self. That bastard will take her one day…I know it! I can picture it in my head….but then it realize these are not my thoughts! Then it washes away as the waves on a beach. This voice as whom I call my…little brother. A little brother who tells me bad things. A little brother to whom tells me im not as good as her.. nor am I good looking. This “little brother” sounds the same as me in my head. He is the same as a thought but not a thought at the same time. He is a darker person than I. its as if my thoughts have turned against me….this thought who thinks on it own. He started out at a little silent thought who I could barley hear…as someone yelling my name in a crowd. Then one day it was as loud as a truck driving by…I could not stop it…it raped my thoughts as it was MUCH louder than my thoughts…it was as it took over my thoughts…my body my mind my….soul. It gave me jealousy rage and hate… hate of the world…the loved ones to whom I was close to. I don’t understand who it is nor what it wants but this thought…this voice. My little bitch brother in my head…all because of a girl…a girl to whom I wont remember 5 years from now but the voice makes me hate everything but her…I don’t understand…I hate this voice!!! I try to pride it from my head!! But nothing…I yell at it in my head but it just giggles. It seems to be me just the…sub conscious part of my mind…it tells me to hate, steal and kill! But the thoughts of the one whom they call ben. The death of him…the satisfaction it gives me of the knife in my hand…as I thrust the knife forward…I grin then I shake my head and say no but the thoughts come right back to me as a boomerange… I hate my this voice…I want to die…it tells me end it you bitch you don’t have to live through this but I say no!! I will not give it the satisfaction of me dieing I say no!! but the thought of this voice not being with me is the sound of…birds chirping in the distance…I don’t understand…. I cry my self to sleep this night….I dream of death and love…this voice will be the end of me some day but not today no….not today..