a dating pitch

The pitch....

You search woman? I'm single woman and i search man my mail: valentinofera@gmail,com
I'm 35y.old. If you search woman write to me and i can send to you my new pics
and tell more about myself. I post this message from this forum because
i don't have credit card and can't use dating site.
If you want find a friend please write to me i am very lonely woman.
Valentina

My replies....

Dear Valentina.. I search woman. I search all time. I search in forest, up tree, down sewer, but no woman. I do have credit card. We meet Ukraine? Eat fresh turnip? Catch local police beat up University student and laugh at him over potato vodka and turnip canape? I am very lonely man. Have nasty growth on lip. Not to worry. Vet cut it off. I have pic. See me with Uri in Estonia. We take ferry to Finland for summer warm weather. Uri plenty of turnip. You have friend for Uri? Another lonely woman with no credit card? Uri know mob. Have real leather coat. Uri like woman with moustache. Just like Mother. I like woman with wig. One day Uri and I we go USA. See big apple. I so hungry. Eat no apples. Do you love me Valentina? Meet me in town square. I man with big juicy turnip and no growth on lip. We smoke Turkish cigarettes. You have apple? Email [e-mail]

Valentina never email Sergie. Sergie upset. Workers at lokomotive diesel factory laugh at Sergie. Players on local football team, Dynamo Lokomotive laugh at Sergie. Sergie had all night generator on to power XT clone 286 laptop bought from Borals gangsters wait for email. Sergie had big Siberian turnip to share. Had bottle East German state issue wine corked 1974. Uri had tuned Sergie prize 1980 Trebant to run 18 miles without poison gas leak from engine to take Valentina to see Scorpions tribute band at disused shoe factory. Nina 99 luftballons on boom box stereo. Sergie dressed in brown plastic leather coat stolen from Starsky Hutch exhibit in local working man club. Valentina tease. No apple. Sergie look for woman. You find? email Sergie.

From Valentina! Received late last night....

Dear Sergie, how I love hear from you! I love picture you send with, how you say? Barbells weights and oiled man helping with squat thrust? I am in Volgavostock, 600 miles east of Moscow. You come? I have apple! American tourist gave me in exchange for....well I show you in private teehee. About me. I blonde brunette, you like mine English? I have 5ft 4in and weigh....girl no tell weight!! I like movies by Jean Claude Van Damme. We meet coffee. No? Volgavostock beautiful city. Sulpher plant just opened. Jobs for me! No more selling nuclear submarine plutonium to shady Chechnians. Boobs you like? All mine. Friends say I look like Tawny Kitean from Whitesnake video. Except me have blonde. Hair.You like music? I like opera and Aqua. When Barbie doll song come out I go to docks and dance like video! Sailors nice. treat me like british ermmm slag! One day we meet I show you hammer sycle tattoo I get on head after shave for lice. Love to you Sergie. I bed now. Daddy home.

Valentina xxxxxxx