I feel heavy, dark, angry. Mostly I can see it for what it is, maybe most people can. But what good is the knowledge without the insight of how to change? I feel detached, unloved, un-anchored. I see him pull away but I'm not sure why. I shove him further away and then begin to cry at my loneliness. I tell myself it will pass, but it seems so unlikely. I try hard to pull it together to be better... to be okay. But inside I feel withered, unsure... less.
Am I just self-pitying? Like a spoiled child crying for what she hasn't got? Maybe, it's hard to tell. Emotions are so blinding, seeing past their tempest is beyond what I can manage now. I'll just have to try and weather it instead. I hope there will be lighter days ahead...
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