Finding Myself!!!

Hi All.

This is my first writing. so just to make a quick intro about myself. I am not much of a writer. I more of a thinker. But thoughts as winds fly away so quickly that very next moment you wont even realize that you had an idea. My purpose of writing is to find myself and in some way help find each one who is reading my article. My writings are strictly about nature of Truth and living it. It may take any form, shape and color but in the end the reader should be left with fulfillment of getting a truth .

So lets just begin with story of my life. I am quite a loner myself. Stay at home where I live again alone.
I work in and IT company and provide service to white people sitting somewhere in Europe.
Whole day i listen to them and work for them as someone who is living under un-free India ruled by British.
I come home in the traffic that takes toll out of me. It seems like there is some kind of riots going on the streets where i have to save myself at every step. I reach to hotel to eat and i wait for eternity because there are so many of them. At last i reach home , a single room at some very old and worn-out house with people making noises 24 by 7. And i connect to facebook. I see around any girl . Check out their pictures and chat to them about ourselves and things we do. This is pretty much i do everyday. Day in and Day out.
My parents try to reach me everyday and i neglect their calls. I feel i am living a very low quality life. I had a girl friend who wanted to marry me but i refused because i feel i am not ready for marriage.
So she left me and here i am alone again. There is huge emptiness in my life. There is huge darkness and aggrieved silence and deep sorrow in the nothingness of my life. There is a sadness of not doing what i want. There is emptiness of being not able to free myself from bondages. There is a weakness of being helpless in my life.

While doing nothing how can i be so sad. One may think so. I think myself also. From outside people may ask what has happened to you. You are perfect in every way. Why so sad son? There is no reason for me to be sad , still i am sad.

Why so? Who tells me to be sad? Why am i so depressed??

Answer to those questions are not easy to find. And they take lot of courage and discipline to find that. This is a beginning towards discovery of yourself.
If nothingness still haunts you. If being alone makes you frown. If your head is full of things that you don't want, follow my writing.

Thanks,
Ankit