The Girl

“At this terminal you will not find what you are looking for.” The statement was short, and quite frank. It also raised some eyebrows. Was it supposed to be some kind of joke, perhaps? Some crazy dude with a weird sense of humor? No one was laughing though. Terminal cancer was not a laughing matter for most people. For most sane people, anyway.

In one of the beds laid the small form of a little girl. She was at the terminal, all around her knew it. She did not have a long time left. There were no inconclusive test-results, no extraterrestrials with probes up her anal, that could do anything for her. She was at the terminal of death and what she was looking for, was it to be there? No one knew. She would know soon though.

She had eaten some mashed potatoes the last time she had been able to, but now she was getting all nutrition’s through a tube. She was not likely to wake up anymore, and the doctors quietly thought it to be for the best. The parents of the girl, and her older brother, would have given anything to get to say they love her to her one more time. Sometimes love makes you very selfish.

The girl was floating. She felt dizzy and had a hard time concentrating. She tried to remember who she was, what she was and if she had a purpose. She noticed figures, standing next to her presence. Dimly, she felt something, but could not say what. She did not know them. She did not remember, even though she felt she should.

Something caught her attention. Somewhere, in front of her, there was a red glow. It started as a small spot, but it was growing, getting bigger, and at the same time brighter. She did not know why, but she was compelled to the light, and started to move towards it. She forgot all about the figures, and about trying to remember. All she knew now was the red light.

The parents of the girl tensed and moved closer to the girl – her breathing had suddenly become even more shallow, and she was now, if even possible, paler. Their little girl was losing the fight, they knew it, but would not, could not, give up hope.

While her family was crying, the little girl felt as if she was winning the biggest of prizes. She was surrounded by the red light, and knew of nothing else. She remembered nothing of her life before and had no thoughts of things to come. She existed in the now and did not think of anything else.

She was and was and was. Time had no meaning and neither had thoughts or matter. She was at peace, and there were nothing that was amiss with her existence. Then there was the lightning.

At once, the red was gone, everything was gone and she was falling, falling through nothing surrounded by bright white lightning. Everything was so bright it hurt her, and then the noise started, first a low rumble, but soon it was overpowering and she shook as she was falling. She screamed and screamed, but not a whisper passed her lips, because she had no lips no more, she had left her body when she had gone to the red light.

The little girl tried to look around, she now desperately wanted to get back to her body, to the figures standing around it. Back to the terminal that DID hold for her what she was looking for. She wanted to remember what was before, what had been, what she was, what they was, and the nature of these feelings, that she thought she should remember.

The noise was so loud and the lightning so bright that she thought she could not take it no more, but even then, they just went on increasing. She thought she would burst, it hurt so much, and most of all she wanted to scream, and the fact that she could not hurt the most. She wanted to curl up and just scream and sob and be small and wait for someone to come and pick her up and say that everything would be okay. If only someone could even give her some direction in all this noise and light, some sign where
to go.

Her body lay still in the bed, surrounded by her family. She was so still, and no color was there on her cheeks. She seemed to be at peace, and her mother held her hand. They had all talked it over, as a family and with the doctors. There was nothing they could do. The little girl was alive only because of the machines. “No hope”, the doctors said. “Let her go”.

The girl was hurting all over. The hurting had made her remember though. She remember mum and dad, and Ollie, big bro. And at home there were lil’ Sissy, the six year old cat. And the feelings she remembered feeling, was love. They were a family. If only she could make it back to them, then she would be okay, she knew it. She had been sick, very sick, and had therefore been at the terminal. Terminal Cancer, the Doctors said it was. But just as they said there was “no chance” she knew now a miracle had happened. The red light had done a miracle, and the white light and noice had made her remember. Now, if only she could make it back, then everything would be okay.

Suddenly, the girl felt something! She knew where to go. She felt it inside. Her – the figure – her Mum – was holding her hand, and that was leading her back. She tried to hurry, but the time that had not existed, was back, and now it was against her. No matter how she tried, the distance seemed far. She was getting closer, but it took time.

At the room with the girl in the bed, her mother was holding her hand, crying. Her father had his arm around her mother’s shoulders, and he was crying too. Ollie, big bro, stood at her feet, trying hard to be a Big Boy and not to cry, but the only thing he could think of was how she would never ever again annoy him, and the tears flooded over in his eyes. “Have you said your goodbyes?” asked the doctor.

The terminal was getting closer; she was almost seeing the face of her Mum. The noise was unbearable, and so was the light, but she concentrated on her Mum, and the knowledge that she would soon be with her and with Dad and Big Bro again. They would be a Family.

“Time of death: … “ said the Doctor.

The Girl reached the room. She knew something was wrong, but not what. She tried to reach for her body, but would not get it. The white lightning and the roaring noise started to grew so hard it clouded her thinking again. She wanted to scream once more. She tried, and tried, but would not get to her body. She watched her family. Her Mum had let go of her hand, and they all hugged each other. She felt a great pull as she was pulled once more into the terrible noise and light. As she watched her family rapidly get out of reach, the last thing she heard was her mother’s words:

“We did the right thing. Look at her face, she is at peace now.”