My Father

When I was three and a half years old, my mother moved my half-brother and I from Indiana to Wisconsin because she was afraid of my father. My father was an abusive alcoholic so it was ordered by a judge that he had to sober up and stay sober for so long before he could have any kind of contact with me. I do not know how long he had to stay sober.

Granted, my father was abusive when he was drinking, I have heard from many people including my mother that he was one of the kindest men in the world and he would do anything for the people he loved.

Every since I was a little girl, I have wanted to know my father. I don't know exactly where this urge stems from; however, I believe, seeing all the other kids my age have their fathers around had a huge part of how I felt.

I remember asking, "Mommy, where's my daddy?" and being told that he was mean when he drank alcohol so we had to move far away so he couldn't hurt us.

As I got a little older, my mother started explaining more and more until she thought I was old enough to understand that he was ordered by a judge to stop drinking for so long before he contacted me.

My father tried to contact me for the first time since we moved in 1997, when I was 8 years old. My former step-father didn't want me to have contact or even know my father so he tried to throw everything my father sent to me away. Thankfully my former step-brother and my mother were able to keep him from throwing three cards he sent to me away. We believe he may have tried sending more and that my former step-father got them and threw them away without us knowing. Of course, we will never know for sure.

My mother tried to figure out ways for me to meet my father after her and my former step-brother saved the cards, but everytime she'd think she had a plan my former step-father would find out and put a stop to it so I never got to know my father before he passed away in April of 2002.

Now you might be wondering why I would even want to meet him knowing he was an abusive alcoholic. The answer is simple for me. He was my father and I would have liked to have formed my own opinion of him.

**Please don't be afraid to help me with grammar errors and give me honest feedback no matter how you feel.**