Golden Girl

Kaitlin, my precious little girl, is gone. Her heart beats and her chest rises and falls with each breath she takes, but it is only because of machines that she appears to be here. The truth is she left us months ago. There had been a light; called hope, but today it's extinguished, dashed against the cruel rock of reality. In the beginning the doctors told us to sit and talk to her. For hours I would sit by her side, holding her limp hand reading stories to her. I even promised her chocolate ice cream for breakfast for the rest of her life if she'd just open her beautiful blue eyes. Once she squeezed my hand. My heart raced and hopes soared high. The doctors told me "Just a muscle spasm." What do they know? I had thought. Too much it seems.

Misery wraps around me like thick mink stole. I take comfort in my despair. Pain so exquisite it pricks my soul like a million shards of glass, sparking miniature daggers. I relish each individual stab, as I pull out memories, allowing them to roll over me, cutting jagged rents into my sanity. I gaze at my golden daughter lying so still on the cool white hospital sheets. I cast my mind back to her final smile. It took only an instant to create this infinitely dark and ugly little world that will be mine for eternity

Kaitlin is running at the water's edge her blonde hair streaming behind her. Her childish laugh rings high above the lightly pounding surf. Bonnie, her puppy, nips at her heels. Giggling harder she stops and turns to pick up a shell. It's a beauty, a perfect conch. I know how perfect it is, I am holding it now. The inside is the softest pink, glowing with an internal light. Kaitlin's light, I think. The edge is sharp. Why is it that such beauty has the capability of cutting deeply?

I can hear the engines. Kids are racing over the dunes. They aren't supposed to. This is a protected area, but this early in the morning there are rarely park rangers policing the dunes. One explodes over the dune to my right. The dune buggy hangs in midair for several long moments before hitting the sand with bone jarring force. The second one follows closely behind and then the third a scant millisecond later. To close to his friend he jerked the wheel just before he takes flight; the buggy twists in a helix pattern like a roller coaster without tracks. This deadly coaster was on a collision course with my little girl. Vainly I scream my denial "No!" I can see the boy's eyes reflecting naked terror. He has seen Kaitlin, in a desperate attempt to miss her he throws his weight to one side, it's too late. The chrome bumper glints in the cool morning sunlight. In my minds eye it turns into a dagger making the killing blow on her head.

Six months later and the only proof of her accident is a small crescent shaped scar just above her eyebrow. I flip the final switch, the machines no longer whir; she'll never wake again. The image of her on the beach laughing is etched upon my soul. Kaitlin's final breath is released upon a sigh and I complete my descent into madness.