Living The Dream - Part 2

PART 2 - IT COULD BE THEM....



          It was another cold winter afternoon. Sharon was taking a nap, whilst Joe was working downstairs in the bar. With Aaron on his way home from school, this left Chris and Nathan mulling over the latter’s latest nightly vision.

          “It’s what Sharon always says. ‘It’s a shame you never actually see the lottery numbers in your visions’. Well tonight, all our dreams may actually come true!”

          “The only problem with all that is that you didn’t actually see the lottery numbers, did you? All you saw was the actual lottery machine running with the balls in it. You didn’t even see a number get drawn, unless you’re keeping those details to yourself….”

          “No, That’s all I saw.”

          “Which machine was it? Arthur? Merlin? Guinevere?!!”

          “I don’t know!!! Do they even still do that? Give the machines stupid names.”

          “They’re historical names, not stupid ones! And you’re hardly someone to talk about stupid names, seeing as your preparing to call your unborn son fucking Bart Simpson!!”

          “Why does everyone seem to be under the impression I’m going to call my son fucking?!!”

          “Not even that would surprise me where you’re concerned! But back to your vision, maybe the machine keeps running because it breaks down again. Remember when that happens years ago? Bob Monkhouse had to fill for time.”

          “Nope.” Nathan replied, after very little thought.

          “I do. Then again I did only watch it on You Tube the other day.”

          “What the hell for??”

          “It’s interesting. You’d be amazed the stuff that you can find on there.”

          “Surprised you look. I didn’t think porn was allowed on there.”

          “It isn’t.”

          “So how come you go on it then?!!”

          “It’s cool seeing all the stuff that people actually post on there.”

          “Yeah, it’s so cool seeing people recording an accident, say a car crash, on their camera phone, and rather than put it away and call for emergency services, they carry on recording in the hope something ‘good’ happens, so they can get £250 from Jeremy fucking Beadle!!”

          “Jeremy Beadle has not presented You’ve Been Framed for about 15 years. And there would be a slight problem with him fronting it again, seeing as he’s dead.”

          “I thought that was part of one of his pranks.”

          “Not even close to being funny.”

          “I know. Lord knows how his career lasted so long…..”

          “Oh God…..” despaired Chris.

          “Hey guys, I’m home.” said Aaron, entering the living room in his school uniform.

          “Ssshhh. Sharon’s having a nap.” said Nathan.

          “Oh. I brought a mate home with me thinking it would be OK. I’ll explain and ask him to leave if you like.”

          “Nah, just keep the voices and noise down to a minimum though.”

          “Will do.”

          “Hang on a minute. You’ve brought a mate home?”

          “Yeah.”

          “Since when have you had mates at school?!!”

          “Ha…….ha!” Aaron replied sarcastically.

          “What a special moment! Aaron’s brought his first ever friend home from school. Aaron’s special friend!!”

          “Nathan.” warned Chris, as he noticed Aaron slowly starting to clench his fists. Nathan backed down, holding his hands up in innocence.

          “Guys.” Said Aaron, as he peered round the door and wave his companion into the room. “This is Rupert.”

          “Rupert?!?!?!” laughed Nathan, as a boy a tad smaller than Aaron stood in the doorway.

          “Rupert, that’s Chris, and this, this is Nathan.”

          “Mr Simpson. Nice to finally meet you. I’ve heard lots about you.” said Rupert. Nathan looked at Aaron, who had a wide, cheeky smile plastered on his face.

          “I’m not even going to ask what he’s said! But please, formalities don’t exist under this roof, call me Nathan.”

          “Sod that!” said Chris. “You can call Mr Parkes if you like! Gives me a sense of importance!!!”

          “You guys hungry?” asked Nathan.

          “I beg your pardon?!!” asked a surprised and startled Aaron.

          “I said, do you want something to eat? A sandwich perhaps?”

          “Yes thank you. That would be great Mr Simps…… Nathan.” answered Rupert.

          “What’s the catch?” asked a suspicious Aaron.

          “There is none. You’ve brought a friend home, and I’m being a responsible adult by making you some tea.” smirked Nathan as he left the room.

          “Chris???!!!” asked a confused Aaron.

          “I know boys. I’ll go and see what he’s up to.” Said Chris, as he too left the room, walked down the corridor and entered the kitchen, where he found Nathan searching through the food cupboard. “OK, what are you up to?”

          “I’m making Aaron and Rupert a sandwich.” Responded Nathan, as he placed several pieces of bread on the kitchen work top.

          “Why?”

          “Because it’s good manners!”

          “You never make anything for anyo…..”

          “YES!!! Found it!!” interrupted Nathan, as he promptly placed a jar of marmalade next to the slices of bread.

          “What, the fuck, are you doing??????” asked a perplexed Chris, who appeared to believe that Nathan had finally lost what was left of his mind.

          “For the final time, I’m making a sandwich you Muppet!!” Nathan replied, clearly thinking the same of Chris.

          “So why have you got a jar of marmalade out?”

          “For Rupert!!! Get it?!!”

          “Not even in the same book, never mind the same page!”

          “Rupert the Bear!” he started to explain. “Marmalade sandwiches!!!!” Chris appeared to be deep in a confused thought for a few moments, before finally catching on to Nathan’s thought process.

          “That was Paddington Bear you twat!!!!!!!!”

          “You what?”

          “Paddington Bear ate marmalade sandwiches. Rupert was the ‘wonderful’ bear that wore a yellow scarf with a red top and did bugger all else worthwhile!” Nathan contemplated Chris’ words for a brief moment.

          “Oh yeah.” said Nathan, acknowledging his mistake. “Bugger.”

          “OK, what’s the deal?” asked Aaron as he entered the kitchen.

          “Nathan’s trying to be funny, but failing epically.”

          “Well that’s no different to any other time! So what’s the deal? What was the gag?”

          “Just the old Rupert Bear, Paddington Bear mix up. That’s all.”

          Aaron stared blankly and vacant towards Chris for a few seconds. “The who, and the what???” he asked.

          “Oh you and your bloody generation gap!! They were both kids’ shows when we were little kids. Paddington Bear was a little scruffy bear from Peru that liked to eat marmalade sandwiches, whilst Rupert the Bear was a boring gay ass bear that no one watched past the age of 6. Nathan’s managed to confuse them both.”

          “A bear called Paddington???” asked a rather disbelieving Aaron. “Why?!!”

          “Because he was found wandering around London’s Paddington train station.”

          “Didn’t you just say he was from Peru?”

          “He was. He travelled to London with nothing but a battered suitcase.”

          “How? Why?”

          “I dunno!! I can’t remember everything out it. It were 20 years ago!!!”

          “And to think people say that the shit us kids watch today screws our minds….”

          “Do we ask you to explain what bloody Pokemon was all about?” asked Nathan.

          “I never watched that shit, so don’t start on me!”

          “Not what your brother tells me.”

          “At least I still don’t watch Sooty!!!”

          “I’m testing programmes suitable for my unborn child!!!” protested Nathan.

          “Oh yeah, because it’s gonna be a major thing in the kids’ life for the first few years, watching TV….” mocked Aaron.

          “He’d take right after his Dad if that was the case though!” laughed Chris.

          “Look, let’s just all agree that all kids watch shit when they’re young. Agreed?” asked Nathan.

          “Spose so!” agreed Chris.

          “Some of us still watch it now though!” muttered Aaron.

          “Agreed, Chris will probably end up watching Paddington on You Tube later now it’s in his head!!!”

          “I may just do that!!”

          “Anyway, was that the best that you could come up with? A failed joke concerning marmalade sandwiches?” Aaron asked Nathan. “I was hoping you were going to come up with better than that.”

          “What you mean?”

          “The only reason I brought him round here was for you to take the piss out of his name! And you’ve disappointed me!!!”

          “That’s an odd thing to do to a mate, isn’t it?”

          “He aint my mate!! He’s a dweeb!!!! I just wanted to get some new gags to use on him!!”

          “Aaron! That’s a terrible thing to do.” said a rather disappointed Chris. “I expect of you than that.”

          “Rhubarb?!!” answered Nathan.

          “You, on the other hand, respond exactly as I expected!!” said Chris in response.

          “Oooh! That’s a good one. Not heard that used yet!!” a rather grateful Aaron replied.

          “Cease now!” warned Chris to Nathan. “Don’t you dare encourage him!”

          “He’s 15!!! If he aint learned by now what’s right and what’s wrong he never will.”

          “Nathan speaks sense!!!” said Aaron in agreement.

          “Aaron, repeat that last sentence back in your head.” Aaron took a few moments to remember his last words, and quickly looked horrified.

          “Shit!!!! Did I really just say that?”

          “I’m afraid you did!”

          “Ha ha haha ha!!!” mocked Nathan.

          “Don’t worry though.” added Chris. “I won’t tell anyone!”

          “I will!” said Nathan.

          “And who exactly would believe you?!!”

          “Fair point!” conceded Nathan, in next to no time.

          “Ha! I win again!!” said a relieved Aaron.

          “Meh. I’ll be the one winning when the lottery numbers are drawn later. And you won’t be getting a penny!!!”

          “What’s he on about now?” Aaron asked Chris.

          “The latest Nathan NightVision. He reckons he’s winning the lottery tonight.”

          “Really? Sick!!!”

          “When did I say I was going to win the lottery?”

          “Well you just told me I wasn’t getting a penny. That’s a fairly fair indication you think you’re going to win!!” Aaron gleefully pointed out.

          “All I saw was the actual lottery machine running. That’s all. No balls dropped or anything.”

          “Story of your life!!” quipped Aaron.

          “Mature. Real mature.” responded Nathan. “Ever wondered what you’d actually spend the money on if you ever actually did win the lottery?”

          “I’ve always fancied touring America.” answered Chris. “I think I’d go ahead and do that. What about you?”

          “I’d buy Joe a house!”

          “Joe??? Why Joe?!!”

          “So it would get this shithead out of my hair!!!” Nathan replied, pointing at Aaron.

          “Predictable.” replied Aaron. “But judging by the state of the plughole recently you wont have any hair for me to be in!!”

          “Shut your cake hole!” responded Nathan, defensively.

          “What would you buy?” Chris asked Aaron.

          “Me?” asked Aaron, as he pondered his answer for a few moments, before eventually responding. “A sandwich!”

          “A sandwich??? Why?!!”

          “Well, someone was gonna make one 5 minutes ago, which has made me want one, coz I’m bloody starving after a day at school!!”

          “Oh make one yourself. Joke died on it’s arse!!!”

          “Oh that’s nice! I bring a guest, am given the offer of tea being made, and then I’m told to make it myself!!”

          “I’d rather have a sandwich myself, than worry about Nathan making it!!!” quipped Chris.

          “We’ve already established that you dislike your guest, so don’t start trying to put me on a guilt trip! It won’t wash!”

          “Story of your life.”

          “I am holding a rather sharp knife, you know!” threatened Nathan.

          “Oh. Be careful not to catch ya wrists then….. If food isn’t going to be coming, I’m gonna go find a way to get rid of him! Rhubarb. That’s good! Not great, but by your usual standards good! I can use that!!” said Aaron as he left the kitchen.

          “You’re a bad influence on him!” said Chris.

          “Me???? He’s been like that since I met him!!”

          “You bring out the worst in him.”

          “Dunno what you mean.” said an innocent looking Nathan.

          “Sure you don’t.” mocked Chris, as he too began to move out of the kitchen.

          “Dammit!!!” yelled Nathan.

          “What? What’s the matter?” Not cut yourself on the knife have you?”

          “Just thought of Poohpert!!!” he proclaimed excitedly. Chris just sighed heavily.

          “I can’t believe you’re gonna be a father in a few weeks. That poor, poor kid….!!!” He declared, as he fully exited the kitchen, leaving Nathan by himself.



LATER THAT NIGHT.

 

          “OJ Borg??? What the hell kind of name is that?!!” asked Nathan.

          “Oh for goodness sake, will you give it a sodding rest?!!” pleaded Sharon.

          “I’m just sayin’!”

          “Maybe he’s related to OJ Simpson!” added Joe.

          “If that was the case wouldn’t his surname be Simpson?” asked Sharon.

          “Oh yeah.”

          “Who’s OJ Simpson?” asked Aaron

          “Oh fuck off Aaron!!” Nathan answered.

          “He was a former NFL player and movie actor who was probably most famous for being involved in a police chase that was broadcast live across the world in 1995, for a crime he was later found not guilty after an extensive televised trial that lasted months, despite evidence pointing towards him doing it.” answered Joe. “He was jailed in recent years however for armed robbery or summat!!”

          “Thank you Mr Wikipedia!!!” mocked Nathan.

          “Sounds a right knob! Related to Nathan by any chance?!!” asked Aaron.

          “For starters he was black. Secondly, no!” answered a snappy Nathan.

          “Don’t snap at me, you’re the one who told me to fuck off because I hadn’t heard of someone most famous 15 years ago, when I was a newborn child!!!”

          “That’s no excuse, there was a kid I remember at school who reckoned he remembered watching the Challenger Shuttle disaster in 1986 with his Mom and Dad.” said Nathan.

          “So??? What’s that got to do with anything?!!” asked Sharon.

          “He was only 6 weeks old!!”

          “I’ve heard of that happening!” chirped Aaron.

          “Oh well done, have a gold star! Or whatever it is you get in school these days for looking intelligent!!” mocked Nathan.

          “Dare I ask how we got from a space shuttle blowing up in the sky from OJ Borg???” asked Joe.

          “I don’t know, but if you all shut up for more than five minutes, we might be able to see and hear this lottery draw that we’re supposed to be winning, according to the Oracle here anyway!!” snapped Sharon. “You’ve been wittering on all night.”

          “Sorry. Just a bit excited.” replied a coy and uncomfortable Nathan, who sat in silence for a few seconds. The silence however did not last for long. “Do you remember when the National Lottery show was an hour long and full of crappy boring, game shows?”

          “Oh for the love of the unborn child…….” cried a despairing Sharon.

          “I thought they still were?” answered Joe.

          “They’re not as bad as they were.” replied Nathan. “I mean Lulu! Lulu!!! What the hell was all that about?!!”

          “Newsflash.” said Aaron. No one cares!!!!”

          “Sod all the silly game shows!” continued Nathan. “Just do the damn draw!!”

          “That one with Phillip Schofield wasn’t too bad.” added Joe.

          “Which one was that again?”

          “The one where they played games to get numbers, and the numbers had to match those in your phone number.”

          “Nah. That wasn’t the lottery,  that was Talking Telephone Numbers! Him and and Emma Forbes. Damn was she fit!!!”

          “Didn’t she do Live and Kicking?”

          “The machine’s started.” Sharon attempted to point out, with little result, as both she and Aaron tried to continue watching TV, amidst Joe and Nathan’s look back at TV history.

          “Yeah. It was her and Andi Peters. Then it was Zoe Ball and Jamie Theakston.”

          “Ooooh! Zoe Ball! The number of Saturday mornings I woke up to her and a wank!!!”

          “Oh for the love of fuck will you two SHUT UP!!!” yelled Sharon.

          “Balls have dropped.” stated Aaron.

          “Wouldn’t have been much of a wank if they hadn’t.” mused Joe.

          “I’ll tell you who else was fit!” said Nathan.

          “Oh God…….” despaired Sharon, as she rested her forehead on her right hand. This time Nathan acknowledged her however.

          “You alright, my love?”

          “Oh, Bruce Forsythe has walked in the room now it seems!!”

          “Bruce Forsythe, now did he ever present the lottery?” asked Nathan. Sharon responded by throwing her hands up in the air in despair.

          “I dunno.” answered Joe. “He might have done.”

          “You couldn’t beat a bit of Bruce’s Price Is Right!!! Loved that show!!”

          “If you’re interested, we’ve got two of the first three numbers.” Sharon attempted to point out, without much success.

          “Nah, Play Your Cards Right!! That was the bollocks!” replied Joe to Nathan’s statement.

          “Never really liked card games.” answered Nathan. “Besides, there are only so many times you can shout higher or lower at the TV.”

          “Make that three from four. We’ve just won a tenner!” said Sharon.

          “Do you think he wears a wig?!!” asked Nathan. 

          “Of course he bloody does!! You don’t get to his age and have a head of hair like that!!”

          “You never know.”

          “Erm, guys. You may wanna watch this. We’ve just got four of the five numbers now.” said Aaron. This time, he appeared to have made a breakthrough.

          “Watch what?” asked Nathan.

          “THE FUCKING LOTTERY!!!!!” yelled Sharon.

          “Blood pressure dear, mind your blood pressure!” Nathan stated. “How we doing??!!!!” Sharon slowly turned her head in annoyance in the direction of Nathan.

          “Are you being serious?” she asked.

          “Of the six main numbers that have now been drawn, we have 5 of them!!” answered Aaron.

          “WHAT?!! Why didn’t you say something sooner?!!” Following Nathan’s remark, Sharon threw the remote control in the direction of Nathan’s head, narrowly missing!

          “Careful! That nearly hit me!!!”

          “It was meant to!!!”

          “Bonus ball number is 30.” Aaron added.

          “30?????” asked Nathan.

          “Yeah. 6, 12, 13, 18, 37 and 48. Bonus ball 30.

          “We’ve got all of them apart from 13!” chirped Nathan.

          “We’ve got five numbers and the bonus ball!!!” shrieked Sharon.

          “That’s gotta be at least a hundred grand!!!” added Joe.

          “We’re millionaires!!!!!” declared Aaron.

          “You prat!!!!” snapped Nathan.

          “Hey, stuff the millions, hundred grand will do just fine. Great start for this one in here!!” Sharon added, patting her bump.

          “I just can’t believe it.” proclaimed a rather excitable Nathan.

          “Neither can I.” replied Aaron. “This means one of your visions has actually had a meaningful, and rather profitable conclusion.”

          “Yeah!” Nathan realised. “You all gonna mock me now over them?!!”

          “Maybe!” said Sharon. “It’s still stupid that you believe in them so much!”

          “None of you can deny it though!!! Man, a hundred grand. Actually, hang on a minute.” said Nathan as he got up out of his chair and stood in the doorway to shout downstairs into the pub. “CHRIS, BRING UP A BOTTLE OF CHAMPERS!!!! IT’S TIME TO PAR-TAY!!!”

          “Yeah baby!!!” said Joe, trying his best Austin Powers impression on for size.

          “How much we gonna put aside, and how much we gonna spend?” asked Nathan.

          “Well we don’t know how much we’ve won yet do we? But I’m sure we’ll allow ourselves to the odd treat or two each!!!” answered Sharon.

          “I just can’t believe it’s happened.” A beaming Nathan continued. “I just need to double check the numbers.”

          “It’s the same numbers we do every week!” said Aaron.

          “I know, but it just needs to be done. Pass us the ticket Shaz.”

          “You’ve got it.” replied Sharon.

          “I haven’t got it, you have.”

          “Why would I have it?”

          “Because you bought it.”

          “I didn’t buy it.”

          “What do you mean you didn’t buy it? You buy it every week.”

          “Oh you fucking twat!!!!” said Aaron, as a realisation seemed to dawn on him before the rest of those in the room.

          “When exactly have I had a chance to go and get it? I’ve been asleep most of the day.”

          “You lazy ass, fucking cow!!!”

          “LAZY????? I’m nearly 8 months pregnant with your child, you insufferable tosser!!!”

          “You only had to go over the road!!!”

          “So did you! What exactly have you been doing all day?”

          “Don’t try and pin this on me! You always get the lottery on the day of the draw.”

          “Have you seen me leave this place all day?”

          “That’s not the poi…..”

          “HAVE YOU SEEN ME LEAVE THIS PLACE ALL DAY?”

          “No!!”

          “Well how the bloody hell could you have thought I’d put the lottery on then? By shouting over the window to Bob’s and lob him a quid so he could put it on for us?!!”

          “I can’t believe you’ve pissed hundred grand up the wall!” said Aaron in disbelief, whilst Joe had not taken his head out of his hands throughout the conversation.

          “And why exactly didn’t you think to put it on?” Nathan asked Aaron.

          “Because I’m 15 dickhead! You gotta be 16!!!”

          “Age restrictions doesn’t stop you nicking my beer out the fridge does it?”

          “I’m allowed to drink it within my home, I’m not allowed to buy it. Check the law dip shit!!!”

          “And how about you?” Nathan asked Joe.

          “Been in the pub all day aye I?!!!” Joe responded.

          “Oh should’ve guessed, rather than put a pound on for the lottery he spends it on spirits!”

          “Working, not drinking!!!”

          “You still haven’t answered the question as to why you were so busy that you couldn’t put it on.” said Sharon.

          “He was too busy making marmalade sandwiches for Rupert and Paddington Bear!!!!” Aaron added helpfully.

          “He was WHAT???!!!!” asked a disbelieving Sharon.

          “Oh I hate you!!” said Nathan as he glared at Aaron.

          “Not as much as we all hate you right now!!!” said Joe.

          “Here, here!!” agreed Aaron.

          “Hey guys, what’s with all the noise?” said Chris as he entered the room “I’ve got the Champagne. What are we celebrating?”

          “Oh fuck off!!!” responded Joe, Nathan and Sharon.

          “Nice.” replied Chris.

          “We’ve just had five numbers and the bonus come up on the lottery.” explained Aaron. “Only Deputy Deep Pockets over there decided we’d better off not bothering to but a ticket for the draw!!!”

          “You bloody pillock!!!” snapped Chris.

          “I still think that any of us legally able to play the lottery is to blame, I fail to see how this is solely my fault.”

          “It’s your fault for the very simple reason that it’s you!!!” snapped Aaron.

          “You mean you had a vision of a bloody lottery machine and you didn’t buy the bloody ticket?” asked Chris, putting the pieces together.

          “I still say my vision has come true, I saw the lottery machine and look what’s happened!”

          “Yeah, you had a vision about the lottery, and fail to realise that you hadn’t bought a ticket! You are an utter bell end!!” continued Aaron with the insults. Nathan looked down at his feet for a few moments, in contemplation.

          “Would it help if I said I was sorry?” he asked meekly.

          “Oh OK then!!” replied Sharon in a sarcastic tone. “Let’s forgive and forget, even though we’d have won a fortune right now, for the sake of a pissing pound!”

          “Do I detect a touch of sarcasm?”

          “Just a hint….”

          “I’ll get the spare sheets.” said Aaron as he got up off the sofa.

          “What for?” asked Nathan.

          “Something tells me you’re going to be sleeping on the couch for a while!”

          “Couch???” asked Sharon. “More like sharing the kennel outside, with the dog.”

          “We don’t have a dog or a kennel.” Nathan pointed out.

          “Better wrap up warm then hadn’t you?!!” quipped Sharon.

          “Meh. Couch. Backyard. At least I’ll have a bit of room!!!”

          “You what???” asked Sharon menacingly, as she turned to face her partner.

          “Joke! Just trying to lighten the mood. Life goes on after all.”

          “Once again in life, you’ve failed!” said Aaron.

          “So just out of interest, what were the actual numbers?” asked Chris.

          “6, 12, 13, 18, 37 and 48.” answered Joe.

          “And the bonus was 30.” Aaron added.

          “Oh, sweet!” smiled Chris.

          “What?” asked a confused and miserable looking Nathan.

          “I’ve won a tenner on my lucky dip!!!”

          “You’ve WHAT??!!!!” asked Nathan. “When did you put that on?”

          “Lunchtime. Not long after you told me about your vision!!!” said Chris, as Aaron started sniggering.

          “You mean to tell me that you went out and bought a ticket for yourself, and didn’t bother asking or checking to see if we had got ours?”

          “Well, yeah!!” Chris answered. Chris’ response caused Aaron sniggering to turn into full on laughter.

          “You utter bastard!!! You use my vision to your own advantage, and then go on to kick us all in the teeth and rub our faces in it while we’re down for good measure? You utter, utter, bastard!! You can’t say I’m fully to blame now!!” he protested. “He had an opportunity to get it too. It was his own self greed that stopped him!!”

          “Would it make you feel any better if I offered to split the tenner with you?!!” Chris asked.

          “COME HERE!!!!” Nathan yelled as he charged towards Chris, who immediately backed off out of the room. “All this time, 20 years, and I’m finally going to KILL YOU!!!” he yelled as the pair disappeared out of the living room, as the chase was on.

          “Should one of us two go after them? Make sure that no blood is spilt?!!” Joe asked Sharon.

          “Nah.” She replied. “With a bit of luck only one of them will come back!!”

          “Any preference to which one?” asked Aaron.

          “Bit of a lottery really!!” she laughed, as she Aaron and Joe followed suit. “Keep me laughing boys. If I stop I might remember what kind of world the little one will be coming into in a few weeks!!!”