No Real Comfort, That

Even as a little girl, I never dreamed of romance
roses and chocolates and candlelight
and Mr. Perfect Man, with his unconditional love
and our Happily Ever After

I dreamed of quiet solitude and peace,
some dogs and cats around me
in my own little corner of the world
where I would be free to be myself

As I grew up, I knew I wanted things
like enough money to live on
and maybe a few close friends who loved me
and my own purple comforter

and as the years went by, I gave in to the idea
of love and romance, of flowers and chocolate
but Mr Perfect Man was pain personified
and our Happily Ever After was not to be

So I turned it off as best I could
any desire for a life shared with Someone
other than my children and my few close friends
I built my wall out of the strongest steel

Once in awhile though, someone gets in
invades my little corner of the world
makes a mess of things and then leaves
with no remorse, not even a backwards glance

The wall has to be repaired and reinforced
the pieces of my life and my heart swept up
and tossed in the trash again
like so much used-up kitty litter

I think maybe the problem was really that I wanted
the roses and chocolates and candlelight
but I didn't want to want them
because it's easier to lack than to lose

But I think Mr Perfect Man came by already
and knocked and then banged on the wall
but I closed my ears to the sound, afraid,
and refused to acknowledge his presence

And Mr Perfect Man went away eventually
because you can only knock so long
before your knuckles get raw and your patience wears thin
you can really only knock for so long

When I realized he'd probably been and gone
I ran out and tore the wall down in one spot
and tried to chase him down and bring him back
but I had missed him; he'd already disappeared

So now I have a hole in my wall and no roses
cats and dogs all around, but no chocolate
my kids, my friends, but no candlelight
And no Mr. Perfect Man, or even Mr. Great Guy

But I do have my purple comforter.