Endo

Can't sleep
I feel shook up.
The endo's back,
Came back with more,
More disease and an end of dreams
An end of life that never began, just in dreams, in yearnings, in dreams.

And I don't wanna see
Ultrasounds of foetuses on the office walls
And I don't damn well want to hear
About your cleaning lady who just gave birth
And I don't fucking want to think
To think about the end of these dreams
Dreams I barely wanted to listen to
And now have to gather the strength
To lay to rest.

I'll cry by myself
A couple of times
And I won't let anyone know, not even myself, the devastation it's bringing me
I'll dig some strength out of somewhere, out of sheer willpower
I'll dig a dark deep hole and pull out the strength
Not even to think, not to feel, not to die inside, not to dream any more.