Unrequited Love?

The church bell tolled in misery, it's echoes reverberating around the churchyard as the hearse entered through the gates, followed closely by the mourners. It came to a halt before the gates, and the drivers stepped out. Opening the back door, they gently pulled the coffin out and laid it down onto the trolley. The coffin was wheeled up to the steps of the church, where it was lifted by six men in black suits and carefully carried up the steps into the chapel. I recognised only one of them; her father. Her mother and sister, Dayna, trailed behind. I stood away from the family as they entered the church, feeling like an outcast. I didn't know the family well, nor did they know me. I trailed at the back of the line of mourners, until only I remained outside. Turning away from the doors, I looked out over the city below us and sighed deeply as the memories returned once again.

***

Unable to concentrate, I leaned back from the computer's monitor and stretched. The program I had been working on was nearing completion; finally I could relax and have some time to myself. I glanced at my phone automatically, checking to see if I had any new messages. To my dismay, there were none, but the time caught my eye. It was a quarter past ten, and therefore still early enough to head out to a diner for a quick meal. I pulled on a zipped jumper, tying it up fully, and pulled on a peaked cotton hat. As I opened the door to my studio apartment, I heard the opening bars of the song "I don't have anything" by VAST playing. I had set that ringtone for Chloe, as it was a song that I introduced to her that she adored. Smiling, I ran lightly over to where I had thrown my phone and answered it.
"Hello?" I said, my voice hoarse form tiredness.
"Is this Ray?" came the reply. I was surprised; it was not Chloe's voice.
"Speaking. Might I ask who this is?" I replied gruffly. I was annoyed that it was not Chloe, as I held a large place in my heart for her, and she was never far from my thoughts.
"This is Dayna, Chloe's sister. Ray, there's been an accident."
Concern filled my mind. "What' happened, Dayna?" I said, feeling a pit in my stomach.
"It's Chloe, Ray." she sighed. "She was in a fatal car accident. I know you two were friends, so I thought I should let you know." Her voice broke as she hung up.
I stood perfectly still, unable to move, the phone still pressed against my ear. Slowly, I let my hand drop, and the phone slipped from my fingers. I found myself refusing to believe this, that it was a trick. Chloe couldn't be dead. No. She couldn't.
All thoughts of eating forgotten, I sank to the floor and let my grief overwhelm me.

***

I arrived at the funeral home with barely enough time to get inside before the prayers started. I signed the register as neatly as I could, walked through the double doors and joined the back of the line of mourners. As I did so, the priest entered behind me and closed over the doors, marking the beginning of the service. I waited, lost in thought, staring at the open coffin as the line slowly advanced. I had decided to dress all in black, as Chloe had meant a lot to me, whether anybody knew it or not. Since the moment I met her, she had me captivated. Always quick to smile, she never ceased to brighten my moods, to drag me from my brooding mind.
After what seemed like an eternity, I found myself before the coffin, the last person to appraoch the family. I shook the hands of her Father and mother, and thanked Dayna for her earlier gesture. She simply nodded, unable to speak.
Finally, I turned my attention to the coffin, and the corpse of the one I loved. Reaching out my right hand, I held hers gently. With my other hand, I caressed her face. She looked as if she was sleeping. The undertaker had obviously called, utilizing the right amount of makeup to cover her blemishes and warm her lifeless expression. Her crushed chest was covered by her clothing, resting on a stiff piece of card. A tear formed at the corner of my eye as I thought of the accident. I bent down to kiss her, but stopped. The family barely knew who I was, and Chloe had never thought of me as more than a friend, much to my dissapointment. Clenching my hands into fists, my vision blurred with tears as my lips brushed her hand, and I stood back. Turning abruptly, I walked in a trance-like state to the main doors and pushed them open, unable to wait for the service to take it's course.

***

Laughing, Chloe grasped my hand firmly, smiling as she did so. I returned her smile, drank the remains of my brandy and coke and waltzed confidently out onto the dancefloor. Chloe's Ivory coloured dress trailed behind her as if in a breeze as she moved. We turned to face each other as the next song started. It was one of her favourites, a quick, upbeat song to get everyone dancing. She took the lead, and I followed, trying not to to the chicken dance, or the "Dad" dance. (In the first, you wave your arms about helplessly to the beat, like a headless chicken. The second is the dance that every Dad in the world does no matter what his age is. Moustaches and glasses are an optional extra.)
As the song came to a halt, a slower song began. I smiled as I recognised the tune; the first guitar notes of Thin Lizzy's "Parisienne Walkways" sounded through the speakers, and I moved closer to Chloe. "Care to dance?" I asked her suavely, flicking my head to move my fringe out of my eyes. She giggled as she took my hand, and let my arm move around her back. We danced in silence, both lost in thoughts, until the song neared it's end. I glanced into her eyes, only to find her looking back into mine, a slight smile playing on her lips. With my arm caressing her, we leaned together. I saw her eyes shut just before mine. I felt her exhaled breath on my face, felt her hair brush against me, felt her soft lips touch against mine, felt the sense of perfection in the moment.

***

The corpse was buried the following morning. Standing around the grave, the mourners stood in silence, rain pounding us from above and splashing from below. Most people had umbrellas, but not I. I stood alone, the rain creeping down my back, my hair matted onto my head. I didn't care. I didn't even notice. My eyes were locked on the coffin, my mind working on autopilot, spouting out religious words, phrases and psalms that meant nothing to me, that did nothing to ease our pain. As Chloe was lowered into the grave, I heard her mother give a loud cry, and she was led away by her sister. The dull thump and the priests final words signalled an end to the burial. Her father stood in silence by her grave as the mourners began to leave. The sounds of chatting filled the air, people reminiscing, laughing, crying. The noise began to fade as the mourners walked to the local community hall for sandwiches, cakes, tea and coffee, and finally it was just myself and Chloe's father left. Neither of us spoke a word, simply staring in silence at the grave. Without a word, he stepped forwards and selected a shovel from the grass. Taking a firm grip, he began to shovel the earth upon the grave. As he did so, I came to stand beside him. Taking the spare shovel, I bent down and aided his work. Stopping to look at me, he nodded a silent thanks and we continued to fill the grave.
The task took at least an hour, and by the time we were finished, our suits were caked with mud, and our shirts stuck to our skin. As he left, Chloe's father placed a firm hand on my shoulder, and squeezed gently, letting me know tha he understood before he made his way down to join the others.
When he was gone, I pulled a small silver chain from my pocket. Upon the necklace sat a silver plate, with the name "Chloe" engraved onto it.
"I bought this for you." I muttered as I stood before the fresh grave and marble headstone. "I was going to give it to you the next time we met." Squatting down to place it by the headstone, I felt my tears mix with the raindrops on my cheeks.
I stood quickly up as an image of Chloe faded away, leaving the necklace behind. "I loved you, Chloe. I still love you. I only wish you had felt the same way about me." my voice was a whisper. "Goodbye."
Turning away from her, I walked slowly away. As I walked, I thought I heard a faint noise, not even a whisper.
"I do, Ray."

I didn't stop, and I certainly didn't look back.

***