The Christmas Letter

         Happy Holidays to everyone in the Nolan family! This is Tiffany writing to you from the snowy woods of West Virginia! Is everyone having a nice holiday season? I know we are here at our humble homestead! Jenny got the role that she was going after in the Christmas play! She will be playing the ham! Vincent recently won an award for a term paper writing contest!          

         Gwen could barely stand her sister's saccharine sweet babblings on any longer. It's not that Gwen disliked her sister, or her goody two shoes niece, or her putting on a good show nephew, she just couldn't stomach the stench of fake on each and every one of them. They moved to West Virginia from Maine, three years ago when Tiffany and Randal were divorced, and soon after, started using the trademark accent, dropping their Northern tongue. Fake. Unfortunately, she had to finish reading this happiness soaked piece of tripe, because every family get together seemed to have Tiffany and her children quizically questioning the rest of the family over the finer points of the letter, not that anyone else seemed to mind.

         "Here goes nothing!" She said sarcastically to herself, the empty room, and and Cheddar, her fat orange tabby.

         She took a shot of whatever it was in her glass. She didn't even care anymore, specially around the holidays. She had actually shocked herself this evening by dumping her booze into a glass before gulping it.

Dinner this year will be held at Mom and Dad's new home, 2035 Holly Ct. at Breezewood, for those of you who weren't aware! Please arrive promptly this year, Gwenyth!

         She stopped reading. Looking at the cat, eventhough she hadn't been reading the letter out loud, she motioned with a large, disgusted sweep of her hand. "Can you believe this shit, Cheds? I was 17 minutes late to Christmas dinner, seven years ago, and the woman still brings it up! I had a flat tire for crying out loud!" The cat opened her eyes breifly, and went back to napping. "Thanks for the support, ched head"

         Suddenly, Gwen was floored with the new idea that had just came to her mind. This letter is shit! Where does shit go? The garbage can! She was happy with her decision to crumple the letter, so that's what she did. Who cares if I can answer a few of my sister's senseless questions about her Christmas letter at dinner? After crumpling the piece of paper that had been forever sullied by Tiffany's insufferable Christmas cheer, Gwen thought twice about her actions. It took roughly an instant for her to decide that in order for her to not fish the letter out of the trash after the waves of guilt started to crash to shore, she would have to destroy it. She knew just how she was going to accomplish that task.

         "Come with Momma, Cheds! We're going to clean your litter box!"

         Gwen plopped herself onto the couch with great drama, sighing loudly to herself. She grabbed a nearby magazine, and attempted to get the overwhelming acid thoughts relating to her sister out of her head for the evening. "Why does she have to act like she's so perfect? She's a divorce' who is lying to herself, and therefore, the world!" Cheddar walked beside the couch, rubbed her face on it sleepily, and yawned. "Good idea, cat! Let's go to bed. Maybe I'll feel a little less "Tiff'ed" in the morning.

         Gwen awoke the next morning to the larger, and oranger than life tabby, mere centimeters from her face, purring and pawing the bed. Only moments after parting eyelashes to daylight, the phone rang.

         "Who in their right mind..." She angrily remarked, before looking at the clock to see exactly how early it was. Irritated with herself for sleeping past noon, she disregarded her anger toward the caller and picked up the receiver. "Good morning, you've reached Gwen's bed and breakfast. I'm in bed, make me breakfast." She said, amused with her early morning wit.

         "I think you may have meant to say "Good afternoon"?. By the way, you may want to consider "Gwen's Bed and Lunch". You do realize that you are wasting your life by staying in bed all day?" Gwen's mother had a way with words that made her want to climb back under the sheets, to never reappear. Gwen sat the receiver gently beside the base, and threw her blanket over her face.

         "Dear? Are you there? Did you fall back to sleep? I bet you did." Her mother said with an ugly, disgusted tone to her voice.
"Anyway, I'll let you go. Please..." Before she could finish, Gwen unplugged the receiver from the base with a huff. She just knew that the next thing that her mother was going to mention would have been something about Christmas dinner. If she didn't feel so beholden to her family, she wouldn't even show up at all. God forbid she give the family something new to complain about for the upcoming year. Depressed and bored with the concept of exiting her bed, Gwen went back to sleep, with Cheddar by her side.

         Gwen awoke around four, feeling like she had been beaten in her sleep. She released a loud groan of discontent and put feet to the floor. Cheddar lay on her side amongst the tangled bedclothes, looking at her human questioningly. "Yes Cheds, food is on it's way." Gwen lazily plodded toward the kitchen as she scratched her head through the mess of mousy brown curls. She prepared a pot of coffee to brew, and opened a can of food for the cat. The rounded clump of "food" fell from the can with a sticky wet thud as it hit the plate. "Spsspss" The cat heard the call, and came barreling from slumber into the kitchen for it's meal.

         The phone rang, and at once, Gwen picked it up- but only to glance at the caller id window on the receiver. "Mom. Eh, no thanks." She said with heaviness. Even thinking about talking to her mother made her stomach turn. Barbara had a way with words that made Gwen feel like a failure, even in her brightest shining moment.

         Gwen thought back to four months ago when she had called her mother to let her know that she had finally found a job that would utilize her college degree. Instead of a congratulations, her mother hissed "About time, isn't it? You know, if you would have put a bit more effort into your career you would be further along right now. Perhaps have a husband, and some children? Instead, you chose a dead end job and a cat named Cheese." CHEDDAR, MOM! The cat's name is Cheddar! You know, maybe my cat is named after a cheese, but at least my cat didn't run off with the secretary because I'm too cold and hostile!" She had wanted to scream at her mother until she was blue in the face that day, but she knew that in the end, it wouldn't change anything. Gwenyth was not Tiffany, and that's what it boiled down to.