Streets I left behind

Chapter One
  The train sped along the track as it went around a bend nearing the next station. The little screen at the end of the carriage indicated they would be arriving at Mackersfield station soon. James looked up at the train map… he would wait two more stops. The train was already reasonably full of the morning commuters. Most were settled down with a newspaper at a seat, a few stared out of the window into the blackness. James avoided looking at any of their faces, but instead looked at the ground his back pack resting on his lap. Despite the amount of people in the carriage, many stood near the doors no one had sat on either side of him; a few people were giving him wary looks that he didn’t see. But he could sense people’s eyes on him… this was nothing new, he was used to the dirty looks people threw him in the street.
 

  The train trundled to a stop, James lifted his head and watched as a few people left the carriage and waited with baited breath as double the people entered the carriage. They all threw glances around the carriage looking for empty seats, a few were lucky and resumed seats that had not yet been taken after the people had left the carriage. Some eyes lingered over the seats next to him but the remainders with no seats stayed near the doors clinging on to the red bars. But then a girl entered behind them. She had cappuccino skin that seemed to glow even under the tube lights. Her dark brown hair was swept off her face and her eyes twinkled in harmony with her beautiful smile. She didn’t hesitate in the doors like her fellow passengers but walked quickly and purposefully towards the seat next to James. He resumed his stare towards the floor as soon as he saw where she was planning to sit.
  ‘Hey,’ she breathed as she sat down. James grunted in response. He didn’t want this not now, not today. No more words. Words did nothing. Actions…actions spoke louder than words.
  ‘I’m sorry, it’s just I’m so excited and a little nervous. I’m doing so much today, it’s on my list…’ the girl said trailing off and looking out of the window into the blackness that swished past as they continued through the tunnel.
  ‘Your list?’ James asked despite himself, somehow the curiosity had gripped him, reached through to him and pulled him out of the shell he had worked so long to build.
  ‘Uh yeah… I have a list of a hundred and one things I want to do before I die,’ the girl said looking awkward as she clutched her hands together resting them on her knees.
  ‘That’s a bit morbid,’ James commented staring straight ahead again. Morbid? She was going to die. It wasn’t morbid. All the people in this carriage were going to die. How could he accuse her of being morbid.
  ‘Not really… I have ten months to live,’ the girl said biting her lip as she looked over at James.
  ‘Oh…I’m sorry,’ James said. He couldn’t understand this… why was he sorry? Why did he care? He’d be dead soon… and so would she. But as he looked over at this girl he found himself feeling true sorrow… she shouldn’t have to die. He would wait for her to get off and then he would complete his task.
  ‘It’s ok… as long as I can complete my list it’ll be ok,’ she said smiling at him, and somehow he found himself smiling back.
  ‘I’m Talia…Tallie,’ the girl said her smiling stretching further radiating the room.
  ‘James,’ he replied and his grin too stretched across his face. It felt strange on his face, an alien that didn’t belong there, didn’t fit, but gradually it began to sink in to how it used to feel. He didn’t like how comfortable it felt, he wanted to reach up and rip it from his face, but he clenched his hands tightly and restrained himself.


  The train came to a stop at Thornston station and more people got on and to James’s surprise a middle aged man sat down on the other side of James.
  ‘So what’s your stop, what are you doing today?’ Tallie asked him putting her handbag on the floor the handle looped around her knee.
  ‘Nothing much… just wandering really, just thinking,’ James said shrugging his shoulders, but he grabbed the handle of his rucksack and pulled it closer to him.
  ‘I’m getting off in two stops… at Regal station, why don’t you come with me?’ Tallie asked biting at her lip nervously. For a moment James knew his answer, he knew he was going to stay no and finish the task he had been set but suddenly his lips were replying and he had no idea where the answer had come from ‘yeah sure.’ Tallie smiled at him grateful for his answer. She didn’t need to say that she was nervous about doing those things alone, her eyes spoke volumes for her and James found himself smiling encouragingly back. Why couldn’t he stop smiling? It felt like it had years before, before everything he had planned? What about his greater purpose, what about what Richard had said? But James couldn’t help but question him, just for a second, what if Richard was wrong? What if he wasn’t meant to do this? What if he was meant to live a normal life, fall in love, have children, have a house, what if?


  As they drew to a stop at the next station James thought of what it would be like to have ten more months to live… all the things he could do and see. But then he thought of what it would be like to live the rest of his life, to live until he was eight, ninety, one hundred? He shook his head at himself. He was being foolish… he must complete his task. He was going to change the world. His name would go down in history. Wasn’t that better than a full life? Yes, yes it was. But as he looked at Tallie as she smiled at him, his heart whispered ‘no… not it’s definitely not.’


  The train stuttered to a stop once again and together James and Tallie walked off the carriage and into the stifling station. People standing on the platform hurried forwards onto the train and a few stragglers cursed as the train moved on when they ran onto the platform. They walked in a peaceful silence along the long winding tunnel corridors that would take them to the escalators. They turned a corner and reached the towering metal moving stairs. 
  ‘So I know your name, what about… urr what’s your job or are you at university, college an apprenticeship?’ Tallie asked as they stepped onto the great silver machines.
  ‘I don’t have a job, I was studying to be a lawyer… but I er… but I dropped out,’ James said looking away from her face at the posters on the wall behind her.
  ‘Oh that’s a shame, I can imagine you as a lawyer, James defender of the innocent,’ Tallie said smiling so beautifully he couldn’t help but look at her and smile back.
  ‘What about you?’ James asked after a few painfully perfect moments.
  ‘I work in charity, I figured before I leave Earth I should give something back… I should try and make people’s lives better… it’s sort of on my list,’ Tallie said shrugging her shoulders. Her hair fell in waves around her shoulders and she tossed them away impatiently as they moved from the disturbance. Suddenly James wanted to say things to her he’d never wanted to say before he wanted to brush her hair back to where it had been, to kiss her, but everything he wanted to say just got stuck in his throat so he smiled again instead.


  They reached the street and James noticed the London eye. It was oddly beautiful. He understood now why she was here; she was intending to go on the tourist trap James had never been on. He smiled, glancing sideways at her. Her exhilaration rolled off her, in waves that made James feel like he was high. He looked down at his rucksack nervously. He looked around and noticed there was a locker hire sign.
‘Are we going on the London eye by any chance?’ James asked taking his  rucksack off his shoulder carefully.
‘You bet. I haven’t ever been on it and I thought it was about time I did,’ Tallie said gripping her bags handle tightly.
‘Ok I’m just going to put my rucksack in a locker so I don’t have to carry it,’ the words leave his lips easily; he’s a good liar. But somewhere in the back of his mind, a voice was telling him, this was a girl he shouldn’t lie to.


  She nodded, her face lit up with the kind of excitement he hadn’t felt in years. She continued to look up to the great moving circle. James walked over to the man in charge of the lockers that were stored underground. He looked down the stairs into the dingy looking cave-like room that he could only just make out. James smiled at the man. This smile now couldn’t feel strange, and he no longer wished it wasn’t in his face.
‘How much for forty minutes,’ he asked his voice polite. He waited to feel aggression, anger burning in his voice, his heart, his eyes. The places it always felt.
‘A fiver, son,’ the man said smiling, he held his hand out. He looked at James, his face trusting. Trust. James wasn’t used to this. He felt warmth inside him, that didn’t burn for the first time in years. He handed the money over, with another smile. The man handed James a key with a number on, and he thanked him, the words strange on his lips. He didn’t thank. He deserved everything he was given, people like him didn’t deserve his time, let alone his kindness, just like Richard said. James turned and walked down into the dark room and looked at the first row. These were numbers before one hundred. He squinted down at his key, the numbers were a little worn, but his could work them out: 303.


  James walked down the next row and spotted his number in the top left hand corner of the row. He opened the door and was relieved with the size. He slid it in carefully before shutting the door and locking it. He walked quickly and purposefully up the stairs, past the man who was now talking to another potential customer. James looked back to where Tallie had been standing, for a second his heart plummeted when he saw the spot was empty. He threw his eyes up and down the street, and saw her smiling and talking to a magazine vendor. She had a copy of Vogue held tightly in her hand now and turned away with a cheerful wave.
‘Ready?’ she asked putting her magazine in her bag. He nodded; she reached out and grabbed his arm, pulling him towards the end of the queue to pay for tickets.


  Nearby children were whinging. They would occasionally play, moving away from the line before their anxious parents called them back. James took a deep breath. This was a bad idea, there should be blazing Headlines. SUICIDE-BOMBER ON THE TUBE, MANY DEAD! CHAOS IN LONDON WHEN BOMBER IS ON TUBE! TERROISTS STRIKE AGAIN! James tried to feel anxious, impatient even. But the familiar feeling wouldn’t rush back to him, he felt more alive than he had in months. He turned and looked down at Tallie, it was hard to think her name, names had stopped mattering, and faces had stopped mattering. But as she looked up into his eyes, he saw the life behind her face. She had taken out of his shell, and he couldn’t help but be grateful she had, because her smile reached into him and brought out all the feelings he thought he had lost. Happiness. Excitement.