Ghosts, As Planned

When I told you nothing was wrong, I lied. The truth is, nothing is right. I need help right now more than anything, I always say I'm not afraid of anything, but I have one fear, myself. I'm absolutely terrified one day I'll go too far and hurt myself, not like the simple things I already do, cutting and burning, I'm afraid I'll go all the way, kill myself one day. I may pretend I'm okay in front of everyone, but I'm falling apart, I've completely given up on life. Please, I need you right now, I need someone, the moment I need you the most you don't care. You must think I'm absolutely insane, a lunatic, I'm starting to believe it as well, I have no idea where my life is going, everyone hates me, I'm not sure why yet I don't blame them a bit. Most of the people that don't loathe me don't even know who I really am, what I really do. I'm so disgusting I don't even deserve pity, I'm a monster, I'm ashamed. I feel like such a failure, am I? Do you hate me? I'm Sorry.