The Cycle

The Cycle of Abuse

I am a product of the cycle of abuse. I know people whom continue the cycle of abuse without really realizing it. They cycle of abuse flows everywhere, a sickening miasma of sexual, emotional, psychological, and physical abuse.

         A teenage girl who had also been sexually abused sexually abused me as a toddler; my blood mother, who was emotionally abused by her father, emotionally abused me. My adoptive father, verbally abused by his adoptive father, psychologically and emotionally abused my adoptive mother.

         It’s a viscous cycle.

         It needs to be stopped.

         But how do we stop it? How do we fix this cruel cycle, whose victims become perpetrators? What can we do to save others from this cycle?

         The cycle is everywhere, an entity so strong. I sense it when I’m around my blood mother, or my adoptive parents. I sense it in myself, when I feel anger so deep that all I want to do is hurt the people around me – the people I love.

         And it is all I can do not to end myself when that anger swells, because I cannot bear the thought of ever hurting those I love.

         So what can we do?

         Not everyone can go to therapy, like I do. Therapy can be expensive, and sometimes it doesn’t work.

         Abuse is in schools. Verbal abuse, physical abuse, and sometimes sexual abuse. Children taunt and tease those they perceive as weaker. Bullies beat up the fragile. And even teachers are sometimes involved. We’ve all heard cases of sexual contact between teachers and students.

         And even if one is not the victim of physical abuse themselves, one might see it at home. A father might abuse his wife. A mother might abuse her husband. Domestic violence feeds the cycle. A child grows up in a broken home where the only music and television they hear and see is the screams and fights between their parents.

         I want to stop this cycle. I want to stop it for my own selfish reasons. This cycle is eating me alive. Witnessing my adoptive parents as father verbally abuses mother. Feeling the effects of the emotional abuse I’ve suffered at the hands of my blood mother. I’m being eaten alive.

         And I’m not the only one. There are others out there, suffering and being eaten alive by all they’ve seen and felt and experienced. Some of them died by their own hand, other’s died by the hand of another.

         Imagine your child, whether you have one or not, becoming the victim of an abusive relationship. Imagine what your child will endure, both mentally and physically. Imagine your child is the victim of sexual assault. What happens in the future? Will your child continue this cycle?

         Horrifying things happen every day. Rape, beatings, molestation, murder, and so much more. Why does this happen? When will it stop?

         So many questions to go along with the cycle, and there doesn’t seem to be any answers.

         I wish I had the answers. I wish I could save my family from the cycle. But I don’t know how. All I can do is pray that my sisters and I do not continue the cycle with any partners or children we may have.