A Jewel in Heaven

A Jewel in Heaven written by Shirley Janisse



  There are those people that come into our lives where we spend our whole life amongst them before they have imparted upon us some great knowledge or wisdom or engraved upon our hearts a carving so deep that it can be seen clearly through the eyes of another observer; and then there are those whom we have only the honor of their brief existence before they have cut so deeply into our hearts that one does not have to look too hard to see the imprint that that person has made.  Kelsey Lynn was such a person.

    In the middle of January, eight years ago, Kelsey Lynn was born.  Kelsey was my first grandchild and she was truly a gift from God.  Sent here, I believe to teach her grandmother some wonderful things. My life through the years had been blemished with many a sinful stain, times when I had followed my own path, and not followed the path that God had purposed for me.  Satan wanted me to believe that I had a forgiving God, but that He would only forgive me for some things, and that some of the things that I had done could never be forgiven.  I struggled with the thought that God would not forgive me for the time that I had chosen to abort a child when I knew it was against Gods’ law, but I had come to know such grace and mercy lately, that I had finally made peace with the issue by the time Kelsey came along. 

    Prior to Kelsey coming into my life, my trust and faith in God had taken on a new and exciting path.  I am telling you this because it played a pivotal part in the events that were about to happen.  Through Gods’ guidance He was leading me in a whole new direction.  I had, just the year before, severed ties with the religion that had been instilled upon me since childhood. The Lord was directing me in the path of an intimate relationship with Him, and away from the strict and religious practices that I was taught in childhood.

    I’m not saying that their viewpoint is wrong. I am merely pointing out that it was not the direction that God had purposed for my life.  Because of my upbringing and some religious teachings that I had been taught,  I had easily become very judgmental of people.  I would look at other Christians and see what I believed was their shortcomings.  It was not their love for God that I was looking at, but whether they were upholding our strict and religious practices that always seemed to define whether they were truly living for the Lord or whether they had became a backslider because of some inappropriate behavior. My heart ached for those who I felt at that time might not make it into heaven because of their failings, and I too constantly lived in fear of my own demise.  With a longing to know the truth about Gods’ love, I beseeched Him daily until one day I heard Him speak to my heart and tell me that I needed to leave behind everything I had ever known or been taught  and to just follow Him.  So with mixed emotions I stepped out on what I would later refer to as my “faith walk.”   

During that year, I had grown close to God in a way I had never experienced.  I was released from the bondage of religious practices and set free.  Each day I felt less and less of the burden I was carrying, and I began to view others through the eyes of Jesus.  Jesus never told anyone He saved to go change their clothes or cut their hair, or do anything other than follow Him.  I came to realize in time that He wasn’t concerned about those things, but rather He was concerned with the matters of ones’ heart.    I did however notice that the closer I got to Him, the more Satan came at me with a vengeance.  Those that I had worshipped with before in the religion of my childhood had turned their backs on me, believing that I had walked away from God.  However, the truth was that I felt closer to Him now than I ever had.  It would take some time before I acknowledged to myself that it really didn’t matter to me what others thought, but what truly mattered was what God thought.

    The day that Kelsey was born, I was not able to be there.  It was not because I didn’t want to be there, but because I had recently been struck with a cold.  I was afraid to visit for fear of passing on some type of germ, but the next day I felt somewhat better and I couldn’t wait to see and hold this wonderful gift that God had placed in our lives.

    The day after she was born, Amanda my future daughter-in-law took her home. She and my son were not married at the time because they were still struggling with some personal issues that had not yet been resolved.  Yet, my son was determined to be a part of his daughters’ life, whether they were married or not. 

At first everything had appeared normal when Kelsey Lynn was allowed to be taken home.  Yet, on the fifth day of her life she became lethargic and would not drink her formula.  That night Amanda and her mother watched over her through the night, but by morning she had become worse.  Upon calling the pediatrician, they were told to immediately bring her to the doctors’ office.  They hadn’t even made it into the parking lot before she began turning blue.

    Rushed into the doctors’ office, the doctor quickly went to work to revive her.  Minuets later she was rushed to the nearby hospital where I would lay eyes upon her for the second time, only to see her hooked up to every machine possible to sustain her until a reason for her condition could be identified.

    My heart failed at the sight of her all hooked up to the life sustaining equipment and at the terror that was evident in the eyes of my eldest son and the child’s mother.  Specialists were running around everywhere inside the room that we could only view through a small glass window, and even though the room was just a small room, and we were standing outside of it, Kelsey felt as if she were miles away, too unreachable.

    After informing us that they would be transporting her to Riley Children’s Hospital in Indianapolis, some sixty miles away, a nurse approached us to ask us if we would like the services of the hospital chaplain.  The chaplain came immediately and after praying with us he conducted her last rites.  It wasn’t until that moment that we realized that the situation was extreme and the prognosis unbearably uncertain. 

    Kelsey was placed inside of the ambulance and transported to Riley immediately.  A trail of cars filled with her loved ones followed behind at the normal speed limit of 65 mph, which that night felt like an eternity before we reached our destination.

    During the trip there, the specialists in our hometown hospital had tracked down the results of the tests that had been taken at her birth to see if there were any clues that would help them discover the source of her condition.  When a woman gives birth, tests are taken to see if there are any conditions that might affect the child during childhood; unfortunately, it takes two weeks to get the results back since they are sent off to a laboratory in another state.  But the Specialists had all the answers they needed by the time we had arrived.  There were twelve of us that had made it there to support Amanda and comfort her and my son during this awful time. 

    We rallied around them as the results came forward.  A rare genetic disease, often treatable if caught in time, followed by a staph infection.  Kelsey’ kidneys were already failing.  In time, other organs would fail.  They could try to save her, but they felt it was already too late to do anything that would allow her to live a normal life.  If she lived chances were she would be in a vegetative stage for the rest of her life.  The news was unbearable.  We could only pray and hope for a miracle to come.

    The hours slowly passed by.  The minuets ticked by loudly on the waiting room clock.  The room was consumed by a cloud of prayers beseeching the Lord for mercy upon this child.  Even though the walls were painted in a light beige color in order to bring some warmth into the room, the room still felt chilly and cold.

    There was no change, no miracle coming that night.  A nurse who attended to my son and the child’s mother came into the room to keep us updated.  A nurse who showed us nothing except the most tenderness and sympathy that I have ever seen, considering she had also lost three babies of her own because of a genetic disorder.  She told us that we would soon be losing Kelsey; it would only be a matter of hours.  My son and the baby’s mother would have to decide when to unplug the machine that was now the only thing keeping her alive.  They would be allowed to hold her one more time, kiss her one more time, and touch her one last time.

    All of us that had made the journey there to comfort my son and the baby’s mother were escorted into a private room, where we gathered in a small circle.  In the stillness of the room, surrounded in the midst of her loved ones, Kelsey was gently handed to each one of us so that we could say our goodbyes.  As tears fell from our eyes and our hearts began to break, there still was the presence of an Almighty and All knowing God within the room and a still peace within us to comfort us.  We knew we would see her again someday in the complete fullness of what she would have truly been.

    That quietness was broken by the words of the sweetest song:

“Jesus loves me, this I know; For the Bible tells me so.

Little ones to him belong, they are weak, but He is strong,

Yes, Jesus loves me, Yes, Jesus loves me,

Yes, Jesus loves me, for the Bible tells me so”

    This is the song my son sang with trembling in his voice and conviction in his heart.  His daughters last lullaby. Then she was taken off the machine that had kept her alive, to sleep in peace and be cradled in the arms of her Heavenly Father.  When the machine was disconnected, Kelsey took one last small and tiny breath, and then she was gone.  Then my son reached down and kissed the gift of the one he had been blessed with, even if it had been for just a very short time.

    The following days would prove to be for me the greatest test I have ever endured.  Satan hounded my spirit like a coon dog out on his first hunt, determined to catch and retrieve his first kill.  Like his prey, I found myself constantly running, searching for a place to hide that would keep me safe and sheltered from the hound that was on my tail.

    I found that shelter within the loving hands of my God.  As I prepared the eulogy and songs that would be administered during Kelsey’s service, God led me through the paths that were hidden in His words, in the Bible.  Scripture after Scripture poured upon my soul, helping me to avoid Satan’s’ snare. 

    In the course of those few days, Satan would remind me of the awful things I had done, and tried to make me believe that God took Kelsey away to punish me for them.  Yet God would help me by assuring me that it wasn’t true.

    During that darkest hour of my life I found my Rock, my comfort, and my shelter in the loving hands of God.  I could have so easily blamed God for this calamity.  A thousand why’s I am sure I asked, and His answer was always because He loved me so.  God didn’t create the disease that took Kelsey from us.  That was the work of Satan.  God’s word promises us a good and prosperous life.  Satan is the thief that comes to destroy it.  God doesn’t say the road would be easy to travel on, but He would be there to see us down it.  What Satan means for bad, the Lord can take it and make it good. 

    The Spencer funeral director informed us that he had never arranged a funeral for an infant in all their years of business.  Yet, he felt that they could accommodate us.  What does one say about a newborn who hasn’t lived for a long period of time?  Is it just the information of the child’s birth date and the date that she passed from this earth?  There is so little information to be obtained about ones small existence!  But God knew different. 

I took upon myself this privileged duty, to say words over my deceased grandchild and to arrange songs that I felt would comfort the grieving.  It was the coaxing of the Holy Spirit that had lead me to take upon this task, and it was the Holy Spirit that would see me through the entire process.

    I knew without a shadow of a doubt that the presence of the Lord was surely in the room with me that day.  As I stood in front of a crowed room that was filled with more people than there were seats for, something unheard of for an infant, I knew that Kelsey’s life had meant something to each and everyone that was there. She had touched them. In just a short time she was able to accomplish what takes some of us a lifetime to achieve.

    With a trembling voice I began the eulogy that the Holy Spirit enabled me to speak on behalf of the brief short life of Kelsey Lynn:

    “Many people go through life never fulfilling their purpose or meaning.  Yet, in the short time that Kelsey was with us, she accomplished more than most of us will achieve in our lifetime.  She has made us realize that life is too short to be taken so easily for granted.  That there is nothing more precious than the touch or smell or even the cries of a newborn baby, and that those things are too easily forgotten as time passes on.  That we should tell our children and loved ones how much we love them everyday, and not just every once in awhile.  Her very existence has brought people together, created bonds which cannot be easily broken, helped broken relationships, and taught us to love one another, because life is too short for bitterness and hate.  Some of us, through Kelsey’ suffering, took a good look at some of our own past hurts, and faced them, and we began a healing process that had been a long time coming.  Some of us reached out to God, for the very first time, for comfort and answers, and some of us renewed our faith in Him and believed He knew what was best for her.  Each of us has learned something special through Kelsey, and all of us were touched by her.  She touched our hearts in a way that will never be forgotten.  Thank you Kelsey for fulfilling your purpose in life.  You will be forever missed, but because we know we will see you again someday, our hearts will go on.”



    That eulogy was followed by the song “The Heart Will Go On”.  A song, that to this day, when heard reminds me instantly of Kelsey, but also the truth that God will keep His word, and that He can take the bad, and turn it into good.  We may not have been able to see that truth at that time because it would be clouded by the pain and sorrow, but in time, we would find, that the sun would assuredly shine again.

    The Bible says “a small child shall lead them”.  I know this referred to the coming of the birth of Jesus Christ, but I also know that a small child named Kelsey, helped to lead a lot of other lost wayward people.

    That day, a large procession of approximately twenty five cars, if my count was indeed correct, followed the vehicle down snow covered roads and up winding and treacherous hills to lay to rest a child whose short life had made such a huge impact upon our lives.  The trip alone to the graveyard, nestled on top of a high hill, surrounded by countless trees, and covered with fresh fallen snow, had taken almost an hour to reach.  On better days one could have made the journey within twenty minuets. 

    We did not go there to say goodbye.  No, we would see her again someday.  We went there to say “Thanks! “and “See ya later!’.  After all, how can someone really say goodbye to someone they knew would be forever with them, someone who had made a cut so deep that the eye only need to look into their heart to see them?  A heart, that by the Grace of God, would surely go on.

    Kelsey’s picture and a poem that I had written, hangs upon my wall and my sons’ wall as well.  It is not really needed to remember her, because that memory is etched deep in our hearts and minds.  It is in fact, just a testimony to the Lord, to let Him know that we trust Him, and that we know that He knows what is best for His children.  We know where our Kelsey is, and that she is being well kept by Him.  The place where no sorrow or no pain ever enters .  The place where  every one is whole and no one ever suffers.  The place where there is no disease that can ever rob you of a loved one.  Its’ a good place .  Its’ where I have set my heart to go someday .  To see Jesus, the one who loved me enough to die for me and to see the small child we were blessed with for even a short time; one who carved the marks upon my heart that will be forever unique and treasured.

Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal, but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven

Where  neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal.  For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. 

Matthew 6: 19 – 21

Kelsey Lynn Land    January 17th – January 24th, 2003

There are Precious Jewels in Heaven,

I’ve been told.

Gates of Pearls,  and Streets of Gold.

Beauties that nothing in this world can compare,

Treasures  that await us there.

I’ve never been able to imagine all these things,

Or hear the Angels in Heaven that sing.

But now this one thing, I am sure,

That what awaits in Heaven is precious and pure.

Because you are there now, so I can see,

A small glimpse of Heaven, what’s waiting for me.

Because now there’s a jewel more precious than any stone,

And though it grieves us that we had to let you go,

We know with assurance what waits for us there,

The most Precious of Jewels in Our Lords loving Care!





Until we meet again………………………………………………………………