Mother

**NOTE: This is a piece written to be preformed, so there isn't an exact flow or form to it.

Mother

I’ve been alive 18 years, 1 month, and 8 days,
I only have one regret,
I never bothered to see you in that time,
Your physical form danced in my eyes,
But I failed to picture the inside,
Now I live in nightmares,
Wishing I could turn to you,
But you are something I cannot recognize,
Or take comfort in,
I know now what I didn’t know then,
Then in all 217 months,
I never knew you,
I can’t tell you that I’m a disaster,
I cant begin to explain who I am to you,
Even if we wanted to,
Here we go,
Back down that road,
You say you know me,
That I’m your daughter,
Are you afraid to look into your heart and see?
That even you know,
It’s not true,
I am a stranger with the same genes,
I can’t tell you your favorite color,
You don’t know my favorite song,
We don’t even get along,
Weeks, 868,
Which I have spent silently,
Shirking from your touch,
Every time I see you all,
I can think of only a few times I’ve really wanted you there,
The rest of the time I’m alone,
Even though we’ve been through so much in all 6172 days,
I’ve been alive,
Why does it seem the only times,
That stand out in our minds,
Are when I’m crying in my room,
And you’re yelling up at me?
What are the hard things so difficult to see?
Why do these memories linger with me?
In cold silences and silent stares,
Who knows where?
Who goes there?
In the last 370,320 hours we never dared,
I thought I’d die without you,
But know the opposite is true,
I’m dying when I’m around you,
We can’t see eye to eye,
But why should that matter?
You cant believe I’m gone, I can’t believe I’m going,
We can’t believe our family must die,
We can’t believe this is goodbye,
Because in the last 22,219,200 minutes,
You were all I really had,
And I know I’ve got my baggage too,
But as soon as I grew taller than you,
We stopped seeing eye to eye,
Maybe I live a lie,
But can you say why?
It’s because I’m numb on the inside,
I still love you,
Are you really angry or just afraid?
Mama, don’t be scared,
I hope you heard every word,
You don’t want baggage without lifetime guarantees,
I don’t want to watch you slowly dying,
So I have to leave, to follow the sky,
There’s a place I have to find,
So I have to say goodbye,
But remember those 1,333,152,000 seconds ago,
That you held me for the first time.