Happiness

I'll search the ends of the earth, if it means I'll find what I am looking for. It isn't an existential crisis, probably more complicated. Some say it's a search within, others a battle created by dreamers. Personally, I feel it's an argument of Aristotle-like proportions. Or maybe it is simply a search for something I can't have. You know, that rewind button that would allow me to get back to five seconds prior to when cynicism murdered child-like innocence. Either way, it has been a hunt of mine since at least 13 years old to find why true happiness escapes me. I have most things I think a person would want, but it seems that every time I think I should be happy, something else creeps in to make me question it. Maybe it is a weakness. Yeah, that is it, a weakness. Perhaps my strength is finding unhappiness to ruin happiness? Nah, I doubt it. I think it could be this need to fantasize about what happiness should be and when I don't feel it matches up, I am let down. Perhaps I need Prozac. I certainly think the whirlwind of thoughts to this level could be diagnosed by some crazy and warped perspective set by a pharmaceutical company. However, I would hate to stifle my thoughts, the bad, the good and the ugly. I think for now I need a rest. My brain is exhausted searching for answers to a question only I can answer. In the meantime, maybe I will just pretend I am happy. I will respect my unsettled mind to shape meaning. Any thoughts?