Again

Again

I woke up, sighing, another day, full of disappointments and monotony. I dressed, not daring to look in the mirror, scared of what I would find in it, I knew that the face in the mirror would not be the one I knew.

I headed downstairs, as I gazed down the hall, my eyes fell on the open door, my brother with the mental disorder had escaped again, perhaps,today he'll stay out for good? Not come back, ever. All in vain, I knew he would come back AGAIN like yesterday. He killed my mother and father, running after them, one sunny day, chasing them around the garden with an axe in hand, and finally dropping it on their heads slashing through their bones, as I was tied to my chair by him, he was trying to " protect me from the bad guys".

But it was that "protection" that I was suffering from today, my schizophrenian, 10 year old brother, my mother and father's 10 million dollars in hand that I was afraid to spend, afraid to go out, in fear of being called "the girl with the crazy brother", afraid to be in the same house as my brother, afraid to be the master of the same fate as my mother and father's. That's how I spent my life, in fear. Me, a thirteen year old girl who was forced to suffer the rest of my life before hardly living it.

I went back to my pancakes, and the doorbell rang AGAIN just like it had for the past two years. It was my not-so faithful friend, although I should be grateful for her to keeping me intact with the world, but I knew her intentions were not in my best interest, she just needed an excuse to come here, gather some hot, juicy story and gossip about it to the whole town.

As she seated herself on the sofa, I asked her if she would like some pancakes,t thinking that she would have known there was no story for her today to spread around town. I laughed at the thought of her disappointed face as I would tell her that there was nothing new.

We talked about Oprah Winfrey and her money, latest fashion trends that I had no interest in, and who was dating who in school, all of the topic I could care least about.

She left in disappointment, and I waited for the dreaded moment when my brother would enter through that door.

In EXACTLY five minutes he'd be here, AGAIN just like everyday. I had started to hate that word, AGAIN , it seemed to be a big part of my life now.

As an hour passed, a smile spread on face, maybe he wasn't coming back, maybe he died, FOR GOOD. He won't ever bother me now. I was free.

I waited, four days. . . a month . . . a year . . .

My friend was here again today, we were laughing now, like I never had before "I'm so glad my brother's disappeared" I said to her. She seemed taken aback my my words "what brother? What are you talking about? You don't have a brother.... you never had a brother! Don't you remember? Your mom and dad died because of depression, of not having a son. You don't remember?"

I was smiling . . . smiling . . . .