True Meanings.

For my best friend i hope you get your happily ever after.

If there relationship was anything to go by, love was tragic. He always had a girlfriend one after the other, never truly loving any of them, throwing those three words which were so sacred around like they were a 4 year old tennis ball. Then there was her, a girl who had never been in a relationship, a girl who was waiting. Waiting for that one. Waiting for him to open his eyes, and come running to her. But it would never turn out like that, not like it was supposed to. She had loved him for 5 years. No biggy. She was just a friend. Someone who he could tell everything to and not even realise that she might be dying inside with every word he spoke about someone else. She never put him in his place, she wanted to prolong the inventible of that, eventually, whether it happened next week, next month or even next year he would know. Know the pain she had suffered; know the feelings that hurt her everyday. Know that for the past five years. She had loved him. It’s not something she would ever confess, she would prolong it until it was impossible for her to hide. She knew it would happen. It was more the fact of when, and what the outcome would be. Would he say “I’m sorry, I don’t feel like that” would he hug and say “Thank you for telling me but no” or would he simply run after her, his best friend, his rock, the ONE person who had been there through the stupid things and the heart breaks and finally see that she was IT. Would they finally share the moment she saw in films daily? Would he finally find the true meanings of those three words.
I love you.
A teen love story. Most probably not the most complex thing you could choose but Kate’s story was different. She knew what she wanted, but was faulted by her lack of confidence, she shouldn’t of had anything to worry about, she was funny, beautiful and all round lovely, she never thought this, her friends would tell numerous of times, including him, but only as a friend. She wanted more from him, she wanted his heart. Not just his words. Kate wasn’t a upfront person, she was never good with figuring out her feelings, don’t get her wrong, she tried to move on, she tried to find someone else, but the other person Kate found, just wasn’t him. He wasn’t James.
James was IT. Every girl, in every year always had a thing for him. No one could deny it he had a certain charm about him, he could have anyone he liked and they would come running, he knew he could, he used it to his advantage, but James never got the girl who wanted him. Kate was just a friend...always a friend. They had one time, one time in her eyes where it was magically, just like a fairytale, but the fairytale didn’t last.
I don’t think he knew how much Kate hurt after that. She was so excited that finally fate had turned her way, she had got him, caught him and she wasn’t going to let him go. James made her world fall down at her fate; she spent so many nights drilling in her mind what had gone wrong? And why had fate thrown her this dream, to have it so cruelly pulled from her grasp.

With his heart travelling in opposite direction the last thing she would want was to not have him at all. So she became the best friend. The one he would rely on. That was probably a bad decision of course she got the guy in her life... but she had to listen to so many stories of how he was in love with someone else, whenever he spoke those words he heart would break, piece by piece, but she just stood tall, not letting on she was hurt, not telling anyone that inside she was falling apart. Kate really loved him, no matter what happened, no matter how many times he lied, did something that made everyone scream at him, she would always be there; she would never turn her back on him. Never. He needed that. Even when the world was falling apart, Kate was his constant, his touchstone, she knew him, she knew how he thought, the way he felt, she could tell when he liked someone, but she never thought it could be her. She never wondered. Yeah that could be me in he can’t stop thinking about; it could be that makes him who he is. With her feelings not returned once, why would they change a second time round?
James would always find a way to make her feel happy even though he was the reason Kate was down, it just made her fall more in love with him. With each conversation they had she was step more in love with, he was one step further away. It’s not like they gave each other those occasional looks, the “oh you know I love you” was batted around more than once in one day. What was a girl to know?
I suppose she always felt like that she wasn’t good enough, that her love wasn’t as good as everyone, but her love was the only one that would ever mean anything, that would ever have true meaning, love is a complex feeling, it cant be defined or be labelled, its not something that cannot be told, it has to be felt. Kate always wanted to be her own saviour if anyone tried to help, she would put her walls up and run. She hated the fact she couldn’t be happy with anyone except James, she wanted him so badly, she would wish, she would dream, she would scream so loud in her mind begging for something, someone, to help her forget what she felt, the hardest thing you could do. Forget about the one you love.
I don’t think Kate ever really saw James coming her way, she had known him since year 7, but he wasn’t that cute back then, as he grew up, it’s almost like her feeling grew with him. Everyday a little bit closer to falling truly, deeply and madly in love with him, a curse that would stay with her.
1 year...2 years...3 years..4 years...5 years... all that time holding back, never knowing if there bond of friendship would go any further, but she held hope, she wouldn’t stop loving him, she couldn’t do that to herself, she needed that glimpse of love. She needed to know that it was possible to love and that someday...one day... the best friend would finally get the guy.