Henry Josiah Wankerstein 1837 - 1905

Henry Josiah Wankerstein 1837 – 1905
A very short arse farce by Paul F Clayton

Henry Josiah Wankerstein was a small time Kentucky sweet corn farmer. He didn’t have a great many acres of land, but enough to sustain a small crop that earned his family a modest living. One summer morning in 1872, Henry was checking his crop, when a sudden, freak gust of wind caught him off guard and sent him hurtling backwards into his crop. In a split second, he had fallen onto a huge corn kernel which ruptured his trousers and penetrated deep up his arse.
Henry screamed and rolled from the initial shock, but then began to find the experience not all that unpleasant. Suddenly, Henry was overcome with a notion that could rock the, as yet unborn, sex toy industry. He jumped to his feet … legs akimbo … and ran to the farmhouse as fast as anyone with a huge corn kernel up their arse could run. When he reached the farmhouse, he flung open the kitchen door and excitedly called for his wife. “Mary”, he called, “Mary, come quickly”
Mary scuttled into the kitchen holding up her petticoat. “What is it Henry” she asked.
“I’ve stumbled onto something big” said Henry, sticking his arse in the air.
“Oh yes”, said Mary, “so you have … it looks ripe too”
“No, no, Mary”, protested the farmer, “this has given me a fantastic idea … I’m going to manufacture something along these lines that I shall call the butt plug”
“But what will you fashion them out of dear?” asked the farmer’s wife, “remember darling … plastic hasn’t been invented yet”
“Oh damn … that’s right”, said Henry, his enthusiasm waning. Just then his eyes were alight … “I know”, he stated, “I’ll fashion my patented butt plugs from polished brass and solid glass”
“That’s wonderful”, said Mary, sharing her husband’s enthusiasm. Just then Mary bent down and untied her bootlace. Pulling it free from her boot, she tied a knot in one end and began threading shallots onto it.
“What are you doing dear?” asked Henry, somewhat confused
“It’s my contingency plan”, explained Mary, “If your butt plug doesn’t take off straight away, I’ve just invented anal beads”