PIRATES OF THE PISSANTS!

        "Arh! Arh! Scrub that poop deck!" Captain Pegleg shouts.

        "Do they really need to scrub on a pirate ship?" Captain Dippy Doo asks.

        "Well, errrr, it's a long voyage." Captain Pegleg befuddles.

        "This is a very slow plot. Couldn't we have a fight? Um, swash buckling?"
        Lady Man Face queries.

        "Yeah! Let's do it!" the sailors shout and they mutiny.

        Captain Turd Face appears and gives the mutineers a jaundice look.
        They all start puking. He is that butt ugly. Suddenly, mermaids pop up
        alongside the roaring pirate ship the Boar.

        "Arh! Naked women swimming! But, I can't see their breasts." a seamen
        shouts.

        "Of course not. This is a family movie!" Captain Pegleg shouts and stuffs
        a cannon ball up one of his nostrils. He had a runny nose and a big honky
        nose.

        "But ... we already have a R rating!" the seamen sobs.

        "That's for all the bloodless sword fighting! Arh!" Captain Pegleg snorts
        out the cannon ball.

        "I'll show my cleavage!" Lady Man Face giggles.

        "Please don't. You look to much like a man." Captain Dippy Doo waves
        his hands about and looks confused.

        "This is the worst pirate movie ever-vah!" a mermaid spits.

        "Let's sing a sea chanty!" the mermaids continue to pop out of the water
        and not show any breasts even though they're completely naked. Jip.

        Muzzy appears and tosses a mermaid onto the deck. Her fish tail turns
        into legs. He picks her up and does the tango, even though she hasn't
        learned how to walk. They receive a standing ovation from the pirates and
        Muzzy makes a point of showing off her lovely breasts. Yeah!

        Why do I go to these movies? I can wait a month and rent it for $1 at
        Red Box. God, this was just stupid all over with extremely ugly old men
        except for Johny dip .. Dep. He was cute, but so dull. I think he just
        makes his lines up and then looks confused.

        I had this dream where I'm rock climbing and my Lady friend loses her
        footing and grabs onto my crouch. I shout to her to grab my leg, but
        she tightens her grip until I lose mine. We fall a short distance to the
        mats in a gym. I land face first in her crouch. And she farts.

        I wonder what that means?

      ---------------
        V    V

            +                        zzzzzzzzzzzzz