The Tale of the Flowers

ACT 1 Scene 1
The Scene opens up to a flower shop called Gary’s Garden. Gary is watering the flowers in a dimly lit setting as the sun rises up into the sky. The door sits at the front of the shop and a sign that reads, “We take care of the flowers, not the pricks.” Gary starts off with his first musical number:
GARY
Red rose,
Won’t you tell me your secrets?
Red Rose,
I know that I can keep it

Tell me the stories of lust and love
Shove me over the edge

Daisy
You bring out the sunniest day
Daisy
You’re always showing me the way

The first sign of spring is you
You are lovely in bloom

Violet
You show the good in the world
Violet
How I love to see you unfurl

You are the body of innocence
In a sense, beautiful

The flowers are blooming
It is all consuming, me
Into the spring
Let me take wing, please

End scene 1.


Scene 2

Gary is still watering the flowers when the bell on top of the door jingles.  It’s Gary’s friend from high school, Penny.  Her face is covered in a white powder that is dripping down her face. In the background the flowers are people dressed in costume.

GARY. Hey Penny, how are you today?

PENNY. Terrible I was just with my boyfriend.

GARY. I can tell by the looks of your face. You probably should have cleaned that up a bit.

PENNY. What? Oh god no! It’s not that! My boyfriend got me a flower and practically rammed it in my face.

GARY. Is that all he rammed?

PENNY. ha ha, very funny Gary. Anyway how do I get this stuff off?

GARY. Put some spit on it and rub it off, actually, now that I think about it. That’s probably how this incident occurred in the first place.

PENNY. Gary, enough with the sexual innuendos.

GARY. In YOUR endo

(Penny glares down Gary)

GARY. Okay okay I get it. Something’s wrong. Take a seat and I’ll help you out

(Gary pulls a rag out of his pocket and wipes the plant spores off Penny’s face, then hands her a rose).

PENNY. Well, the problem is. Is that. I don’t know if Johnny is right for me anymore. He’s changed recently. He no longer wants to hold me, feel me

GARY. Well who would!...kidding, I don’t know what is wrong with him. You’d have to be crazy to not want you

PENNY. Well…what about you? (Penny takes Gary’s hand and brings it to her chest). Can you feel my heart beat?

GARY. Oh I feel something, but I don’t think its your heart

PENNY. Oh you’re the same as Johnny! Here take these tickets to this dumb Medieval Times show. He wanted me to go see and all his ‘epicness’ bah!

(Penny storms out of the flower shop).

GARY. I guess she just doesn’t understand. Heh, I don’t think anyone understands.


The flowers sing the parts in parenthesis

GARY
Adam and Eve
They get along
Like college kids
And their adderol

Mom’s been telling me
To get a gal
but all I want
is a man to rail

Why can’t they see
I wanna be
(With a man, a man with muscles)
I want someone rough
Someone tough
(To hold me, to touch me)

I don’t want just any shlong
I want one that’s firm and long
A dick that is able to hit the floor
Maybe just one, or maybe four

(The way he talks)
(The way he walks)
(says he likes….boys)

The boats go in and out of the dock
That’s what I want with a cock
A man with a meat-filled tube
And possibly a bottle filled with lube

(We are flowas)
(He wants a phallus)
(…he’s gay)

End scene 2



Scene 3

The scene opens up with Gary entering a bank. The teller is a man by the name of Rork. Gary knows him as a relatively good friend and is sitting at a desk doing paperwork. The room is dimly lit with a few tellers in the dark in the background.

RORK. How do you do?

GARY. Ah not too bad Rork. I’ve got a bit of a thorn in my side though.

RORK. Oh really, care to tell me about it?

GARY. Well actually I have a literal thorn in my side

(Gary yanks a thorn rose out of the side of his shirt)

GARY. I have been having a few other troubles too though.

RORK. Woman troubles?

GARY. Yeah, something like that.

RORK. Does she smell?

GARY. What?

RORK. Oh, you know,  if she smells like fish she should probably get checked out.

GARY. No no no, Its not that she smells

Rork. Well you should probably watch out for funny bumps and odd colorings as well. Women problems always become worse when there are disease involved

(Rork leans in close to whisper in Gary’s ear)

RORK. They’ll try to blame it on you.

GARY. I’m guessing this has happened to you more than once

RORK. Ha, yea. Let me tell you

RORK
Girls act sweet
Like milk and honey
But what they really want
Is your money

They’ll sell their bodies
And partake in tomfoolery
But what they really want
Is golden jewelry

GARY
Girls are cheats
They are really mean?
But what they really want
Is all of your green?

RORK. Hey, now you’re getting it!

BOTH
Girls tend to have loose hinges
Held on their back doors
A little oil and grease
And they’ll be on all fours

They can show you something
If you’re that kind of guy
But you’ll lose your dignity
And can tell your cash goodbye

(Enter woman in the background going up to one of the other tellers. She is attempting to be seductive)
RORK
Now here’s a woman you’ve been looking for
One who knows how to move
But when she’s through with you
She’ll leave you and your balls feeling blue