Dear Friend

Dear Friend
Nothing to gain nothing to loose...I stand here in the edge of my life...ready to fall. Dear friend before ending my life here, I would like the world to know how our friendship started and how it ended...what was the reason...and why it was so...and how selfish I am...Many mistakes I made, many hearts were hurt by me..some forgave, some didn't....but no one in this world ever forgave me so many times like you did..no one ever cared for me like you did. Friend how will I ever pay this debt on you....
Those days were so beautiful when we first met in the break time. I was crying because my food was spilt. It was you who shared your food, made me feel better, no one else only you who took the blame upon you when I hadn't brought my book. It was you who cried for me, you who laughed in my happiness. you who fought for me,stood by my side in any situation.
I feel ashamed when I remember how coward I was, how selfish, how self-centered I was that I couldn't see you standing by my side. I couldn't see you helping me, never saw your tears,always thought of myself. Always thought of others,others who didn't think I was precious. It was you my friend who treasured me who felt I was precious. Oh friend , such a silly mistake made this friendship end, such a silly mistake. I wish I had stopped you,wiped your tears, I didn't I only thought of myself, naver stood by your side just as you did. Never thought of you when you were in trouble . The day when I realized your father was a theif and was in the jail, I only thought of my pride.. what people would say, thought they would laugh at me saying I was the friend of a theif's daughter. I thought no one would talk to me and leave me alone. I didn't think that if you were there I didn't need anyone. I never dreamed of what you went through, hearing that the father you loved the most turned out to be a theif. That time you needed someone to hold you hand,wipe your tears and make you feel better,you needed me. I hate myself for thinking that you were of no use to me as you would always be crying. I can't imagine what would have happened that day if you had thought the same about me when I was crying.
Two weeks have passed since you committed suicide. Two since I have been livein in this grief, this guilt of hurting you. I live every second asking for forgiveness, begging you to return, hold my hand,wipe my tears just like before. This moment I want you my friend but.... but I have lost you...forever.I wonder where in the universe when in the decades we will meet again so that I can remove the scar in my head the scar of betraying you.....