Unfaithful Friend

Unfaithful

         Allana was back at Fred’s apartment. Like so many times before. Vowing to herself she wouldn’t go back. She gave in again. She always had the notion that there would be consequences for denying him.  The only consequence would be never hearing from him. That was enough for Allana to break her vow every time.
         
         Lying on her back with her feet above her, resting on Fred’s shoulders.  When he fucked her he would always look in her eyes as he did. It was the most amazing feeling. He even gave her long, soft and passionate kisses as he finished. Just like in the movies. She didn’t want to lose that and never denied him when he asked for her presence. She always found a way to get to him.

***

         It had been over a year now that Allana and Fred had been seeing each other.  Over a year now that it was always between the hours of 1AM-3AM. Sleeping with him every single time.
         
         This started somewhat traditionally.
         
         Allana was interested in acting and knew Fred was in graduate school for a related degree. She had found out through a mutual friend about his studies and decided to ask for some help from him.
         
         They started meeting for coffee at first to talk and discuss Allana’s interests and goals in the field. They progressed to watching films and even going to some plays.  Allana of course thought he was a good looking man. But she didn’t know he had other intentions towards her. She thought their relationship was purely professional and somewhat friendly. But nothing else.
         
         Fred was 29 and five years older than Allana. He was bald, but not balding. He wasn’t too fit but not chubby. He had a slight belly but that did not matter to her. She found him quite handsome. He wore thin rimmed round glasses most of the time and had a deep calming voice when he spoke.  He was new, mysterious, funny and also showing real interest in helping her. She found all these qualities to very attractive.
         
         After about two months of meetings, phone calls and text messages all related to acting, Fred invited Allana out to a bar with his friends. She was surprised but decided why not? She could meet some of his class mates and do some networking.
         
         She made sure she only had her maximum amount of drinks. She didn’t want to make any stupid decisions.
         
         After all Fred was her best friend’s ex-boyfriend. They had ended over six months ago, but Allana had not told Natalie of the extra outings and messages exchanged between her and Fred. Allana was hiding a lot from Natalie.
         
         At the bar outing Fred and Allana had gotten more comfortable in their conversation and flirtatious. They met at a local diner after and talked some more. At this time Allana realized what was happening. He was interested in her. Fred and Allana began hanging out more in public, but only when Natalie was not out as well. Others saw them but Natalie never knew about that Fred and Allana were intentionally hanging out and not discussing acting.
         
         Allana was in bliss. He wanted her. She wanted him. A month after various evenings of seeing each other and then hooking up in his apartment Allana decided she was ready to sleep with him.  It was amazing, just like she had imagined it would have been. He had even kissed her good night as she walked back to her car. She was so happy that nothing could bring her down. Until something did.
         
         A week later, there was no sign of Fred. No text, no phone call, nothing. It was not until three weeks after she slept with Fred that she heard from him. It was 1AM and he was out partying at some bar. Told her how he was having a blast and just talking to her about his night. Once he got home, he asked her to come over. Allana was so happy to hear from him, that she got out of bed, got dressed and drove over to his apartment.
         
         They had sex. This is what became of Allana’s innocence. What started as friendship and flirtation turned into Allana being Fred’s personal whore. This continued for a year. She blocked her feelings out every single time she saw him. She created an emotional grave inside her. Killing any feelings that would occur some nights when he would play with her head. Asking her to stay over, or to spend weekends with him only to never actually fulfill his promises.
         
         There was another problem. Natalie. She was her close friend and Fred’s ex-girlfriend. Allana was reminded of that fact every time she would see Natalie. Natalie had a relationship with Fred for three months. Three months of publicly recognized couples.
         
         Allana hated that she had been fucking him for over a year now and she was not given that privilege. When they did see each other in public around Natalie, they both pretended to be complete strangers.
         
         Allana was reaching her breaking point.

***

         
         Both Allana and Fred came at the same time. It was great, just like always. She loved sex with Fred; before they would both come he would choke her. No one else had done that for her. He liked to have dirty sex and it was perfect for her taste. 
         
         Fred got up and looked for a roll of paper towels. He found one at the foot of the bed and passed a sheet over to Allana.  Allana was thinking a lot at this moment. She wanted to confront him about where the whole situation was going. How long were they just going to do this for?  She was also trying to figure out his next moves for the evening. Was he grabbing his clothes? Should she? Was he going to ask her to lie with him until he was ready for another round or make some excuse about being busy tomorrow?
         
         Fred began searching for his clothes. Allana followed his lead. Her long hair was now messy and tangled up. He would pull her hair all night and this would mess it up so much that she would lose mounds of hair.
         
“What time is it?” Fred asked as he put on his glasses.
         
“Almost four.” Allana responded putting her bra back on.
         
         “Holy shit, how long we’re we going for?” He never said sex or fucking. Really they had only been fucking for an hour but Allana could for another round. She never asked after being denied once in the past. She let him decide if he wanted to or not.  “I got tons of shit to do tomorrow, doctor’s appointment, class in the afternoon. It’s going to be quite a day after tonight.” He made a sly smile at her after the comment.
         
         That was Allana’s cue to go home. Her feelings were creeping out and she shoved her emotional blade right through them and down into the grave. “Yeah I should go. I have work in the morning.” She grabbed her other belongings, coat, phone and keys and they both walk to the front door. She made sure one last time she had gotten everything and walked out.
         
         She’d quietly walk back to her car, get in and drive off. Like nothing had ever happened. That night she wept all the way back to her house. As she reached her home, she sucked in her tears and went inside and went to bed.

***

         
         It had been a week since Fred and Allana’s last meet. She had long forgotten about what she wanted to say to him. Her week was going well and she had made plans to go to the gym and have coffee with Natalie.
         
         It was a quiet Sunday afternoon when Natalia and Allana were seated at the Starbucks coffee shop like we always did when meeting. Natalie and Allana both had busy jobs but on the weekends they were able to meet and catch up. 
         
         They sat laughing and talking about work. Natalie was having a difficult time enjoying her new job because her boss was so controlling. She had been there for four months and had only taken one day off. Allana had wanted her to come to California with another girlfriend of theirs in July, but as Natalie would put it “bitch” boss, had told her she was not able to take a vacation until September.
         
         Both Allana and Natalie had always enjoyed talking meeting on these quiet afternoons and catching up on gossip, careers and the future.
         
         Every time Allana would have the reminder about her secret in her head. Like a song that was stuck inside your head. It had been more than a year now that Allana had been sleeping with Natalie’s ex-boyfriend. Natalie didn’t know, but all their mutual friends did.
         
         Allana would keep telling herself that she was a good friend to Natalie.  Allana had helped her when she was transitioning from one apartment to another and told Natalie that she can stay at her house for a month. Allana befriended her no questions asked when they first met at work four years ago. She had all the friends she had now because of Allana. There was also two occasions where she had entrusted Natalie with a secret and had let out the information.  Allana knew because Natalie was the only other person who knew about it. But Allana never got angry or confronted her about it.
         
         These were the reasons Allana used to make herself feel better about sleeping with Fred without Natalie’s knowledge of it. Allana also didn’t want to incriminate him either.

“So, Natalie. Kathleen and I are going to be watching Game of Thrones this Friday night. Are you free? Want to come watch it with us at my place?”
         
         Allana was hoping to have a quiet weekend and not spend too much money and this seemed like a good idea for a Friday night.

“I’m might be free. When are you guys going to start?” Natalie, put her finger to her nose and had a pensive look on her face.
         
         She usually would say yes, but this time she had plans.

“At eight, and there are four episodes so we’ll probably end around midnight.”

“I’ll see, if I get back in time I’ll come. I’m going to see Fred after work that night…”
         
         At that moment Allana’s face became flushed and red. Allana stopped listening to Natalie. She was frozen after hearing his name.

“…we haven’t seen each other in a while so we’re going to meet at Grafton Street and catch up. You know that place? We’ve all been there before.”
         
         Yeah when I wasn’t fucking him. Is all Allana could think. She was burning up. Had she caught me ‘red handed’? Can she see my red face? Was my face red? These were the stream of thoughts just flowing through Allana’s head.
         
         Allana felt like throwing up. She was uncomfortable in her seat. Fidgeting with the empty coffee cup and breaking the wooden mixing stick in half.  Like her heart just had.
         
         Hearing his name was like an arrow pierced through her heart and instead of bleeding out, she bleed inside. Warming up her whole body as if it was lava flowing through.

“Cool.”
         
         That was all Allana could manage to say for a moment. Natalie’s face was serious as she continued explaining and talking. Allana tried to study Natalie’s face to see if she had noticed the change in her.  Allana decided that Natalie didn’t see any change at all.

“What are you going to catch up on?” Allana asked. Trying to play off that she was interested.
         
         Allana was not really interested in the answer but if Natalie was talking, then she didn’t have to. Allana didn’t know what to say about it. It was uncomfortable talking to Natalie about Fred. For Allana it would feel like Natalie would begin to suspect something if she brought him up.
         
         Allana had heard her talk about him other times over the last year. She had even seen Natalie flirt with him in front of her. She ignored it all in a mature way.  This was the first time she had reacted so strongly to the news of their rendezvous.
         
         Allana realized she had finally become attached. She was emotionally attached to him weather she wanted to be or not.
         
         She didn’t really act it; she didn’t chase him, or give him ultimatums. She would just wait every month for his late night texts asking her to go over.  She would go every time. No questions asked.
         
         Allana had reached an emotionally dangerous thin line. She decided she had three choices. She could stop seeing him and lie about the reason, which is what a coward would do. She could stop seeing him and tell him the truth, which scared her to death, or….
         
          She could continue seeing him and lie to herself.