IF I SAY YES, WHAT HAPPENS THEN ?

                                              IF  I  SAY  YES,  WHAT HAPPENS  THEN ??

I  always  thought  Gerry belonged to  me…..for  no one knew  him better  than me…I knew when  he  had a row  with  his  brother, I knew when he  had to go without his supper, for destroying  his  mom’s valuable plants in the backyard….I knew when  he  had to go without his pocket money, as he failed in  Maths…I  even  knew his crushes and  heartthrobs.

His  first crush at the age of seven, was his drawing  teacher, who taught him to paint portraits, and in doing so he  ended  up in saving a portrait of  her in his heart !!!! OOOOh  I  still  remember his  excitement when she touched his hand to correct  an  error in his painting…he  couldn’t  stop day  dreaming  about her for a month !!! She broke his  heart  by giving  preference to a lifetime  investment  instead and getting  married to  a bank manager. Gerry  vowed  never to trust any girl (except me, of  course)..again in  his  life,  only  to be  completely  bowled over  6  months  later  by  his  new next  door  neighbor, Rose.

Rose was about the same  age as me..but in contrast to me who had  freckles all over my  face with a short hair cut, she  was dainty & delicate, with long  silky  hair, full  rounded  rosy lips and soft features.  What  brought them together  was a  dog  & a doll.
Gerry  was  playing in the backyard with his  dog  Timmy, when  sounds  of people shifting into  the next  door  reached their ear. Both  immediately  had  the  urge to investigate, only Timmy was not  so experienced in a  as his  little  master  was;  he  was  clumsy and  he  broke  upon  the new  family ,barking in frenzy and  scaring  the  little girl, out of  her  wits !!!  Terrified, she  dropped  her doll which  she  was clutching & Timmy was most  overjoyed to  pick it  up  and tore down  to  Gerry with  his  new gift !!!! The end  result was Gerry  had  to  go  without  his  supper again, was  asked to  replace  the  doll  from  his  pocket  money(which he did by  borrowing  money from me)  & murmur apology to  Rose. Timmy was severely  reprimanded. But  this  incident had its positive effects, as kindhearted Rose forgave  Gerry and three of us  became best of  friends..

It  was then  after  5  years, on  his  thirteenth  birthday  that Gerry confided in  me that Rose  was his  heartthrob !!!! My job  was to  find  out  if  she reciprocated his  feelings !!!! Imagine my  chagrin  when  I  found  out that  she already had an  admirer  on whom  she  doted  upon, 5 years  older than  her who  was a JUNIOR  TENNIS CHAMPION. She  was    a very  good  friend of  Gerry  and  never  had any  romantic  visions  about him,  so sorry, &  hoped she  did not  hurt  Gerry ????  Gerry was  heartbroken  &  wept in  my  arms for days,  with me promising  him a better girl friend in the future !!!!!

Somehow for  Gerry  this  episode did a major turnover. He began  to believe that his  weakness of  mind  developed  from a  weak physique.  Rose  abandoned him for a boy who was an  athlete. So now  he would take care of his body. “A sound  body  dwells in  a  sound  mind,” that was  what he  told  me  before he  began going to the gym and. From  that  day  onwards, I  began to  see  less  of  him as  he began to  frequent the various  health  clubs  and  became a fitness  freak !!!!! The only  time I got  to spend  time  with him  was early in  the morning  when  we  went for  jogging together in the park  with  Timothy.  The  rest  of  the  day was spent  in  a  whirlwind  of  events…school,  homework,  music  classes. I  devoted  myself to  more and  more  of serious  study and  sometimes writing a few articles and poems  here and there  for  a few magazines.

Gerry  was also  growing  up fast,  he soon  became  tall and  athletic; to the outsiders he was quiet, shy and  too  grave,  but  only  I  knew  that  his serious  heartbreaks were now replaced  by short flings….with no depth of any  relationships &  “no serious commitments,” as  he put it !!!!

“You  know  someday  I  will meet  my  soul mate &  she will be  the most  beautiful girl I have ever met !!!!” He  confided  in  me.

“And my  dear Gerry,  how  will  you  know  that  she  is  meant  for  you…don’t  tell me  not  a  single  girl  in  your college  does  not  meet  your  criteria…” I  replied panting to  keep up  pace  with  him  while jogging  beside  him.

“My  heart  will tell me,  her  eyes  will guide me but your  opinion  will be  the  deciding factor..”,  he  replied with a  smack  on  the back  of my head.

I  tried to  duck  the smack, but Gerry  was  too swift for me…

“Ha ha !! I  can’t  miss that ..I  have  been doing target practice for years now”, he replied amused  at  my woebegone expression.

“Target practice, my foot,”  I retorted back. “You  still  have  not  hit  a single  nail  on the head,  my  dear  Gerry. Still waiting for a  soul mate indeed !!! Where will you get a girl  of  your dreams  in this  way….a  wax  image of Madonna  at Madame Tussaid’s ?” 

“What  about  you Jenny? Have you still  hit  any nail as yet ?” Gerry asked me with  the  same  amused expression.

“Oh,  I just  haven’t had the  time;  I  was  too busy sorting  out your affairs…” I  replied.

“Ha  ha !! pledged spinster for life…that’s  my Jenny, always  ready  to  listen  to  me,” Gerry  laughed. “but  you  will  tell me when  you  seriously  fall in love”, he added  earnestly turning  to me,  blocking  my  path suddenly.

“Don’t  be a dumb,  Gerry, of  course  you  will be  the first  person to know. But  presently  I  hardly have  had  any  time, I am so  busy.” I answered  his unexpected  childlike query.

Did  I almost  imagine  a  sigh  of  assured  relief on  his  countenance ???

“Must be my mistake..”  I  tried  to  shake off the feelings of nostalgia  that  was  suddenly gripping me…

That night  I  tossed  and turned  on  the  bed !!! It  was  a  very  hot  night  and  the air  conditioner  was on. Still my  throat  was  parched. I  got up  for a  drink of  water. I  gulped down  two  glasses of  water  and went outside into the  balcony. It  was  a  clear summer  night.The moon  was  shining  brightly  and  the courtyard was  flooded  with its luminescence. The millions  of  stars which  shone in the  clear sky seemed to  be blurred  in  the  brilliance  of the moonlight. It  seemed  to  me  that  there  might  be  thousands and  thousands lamps like the  stars, but its the Moon which gives the  earth its  the radiance in the darkness.

So  where  does  that  comparison  fit  in  my  life ?  Why  have  I  not found a  soul mate  as  yet ? Why the  hell did  Gerry go on  having  a  string  of  affairs  in  his  life,  but  always came  back to me for comfort and  reassurance? Are  we  two  parallel  train lines that  would  never  meet ?

I shook  myself  out  of  the  reverie. “ Don’t  be nuts;”  I  chided  myself. “Gerry  has  never  thought  of  me in the  way I  am  fantasizing  myself to be in. I  am  just  a  sensible friend to him…his idea of love is something  quite  different..a  beautiful  girl, perhaps it was  Rose’s  image  that  he carried in  his  mind and  heart…. I  am  a bespectacled  girl  with  freckles and a rough short hair….how  can  I even take that place…?” 

With  determination  in  my mind I went  back  to bed for  a  restless slumber full of  dreams….dreams  of  Gerry holding a  lovely girl’s hand  unaware of me watching  them  from a distance  with a  heavy  heart. But try as  could I  never got  a  glimpse of  the  girl, as I was so  intent on watching Gerry’s  face.

Days  turned into  months and months into  years…By this  time I  had  become a  well known pediatrician and had  opened  many  orphanages in the  city.  Gerry, the fitness    buff  was  now a well known  Tennis Champ. We  both  had different lives , different circle  of  friends and colleagues, different  professions. He  was  all over  in  the news as  a  sportsman….though  he  still  had his casual  flings. Known as a  “ladies man”, he always had an  excuse  for  his secret liaisons  and  the  break ups,  when ever we  met;  “she  had  a  crooked  nose,  oh  she  was  too  rich !!  Her  attitude  was  just  not correct.” Oh ! we still did  meet for  our  jogging  in the dawn,  only  now  Timmy was  no  more to accompany  us. 

Gerry  was  30  by  now  single, no kids and  the  most  eligible  bachelor, but  no girl according to  him  was up  to  the mark. I was  30 too  &  hadn’t married, as I was  simply  not interested in any  suitor. A  surgeon, an  engineer and a  businessman  had proposed, I  did  have  a  date or  two, but  somehow the  feeling of being  in  love  did  not bring  any  emotions  in  me. I  was  devoted to  my profession and the kids in  the orphanages appealed to  me  more than the shallow  promises  of everlasting love.

Time  seemed  to overtake us.“Man  proposes,God  disposes.” Till date  there  is  no  way  where  humans could prevent Nature’s wrath. Our intelligent  race  seems  to  be  puny  in comparison to what  fatal  judgement  a  natural  disaster  can cause !!!  There  was a hurricane in the  city,  which turned the life  topsy turvy. Numerous  lives  were lost and  there  was  tremendous  damage  to  to  life  and  property. The  orphanages  were overflowing  with wails of  infants  alone  or  accompanied  by their mothers    rendered  homeless by  the catastrophe. The kids  and their mothers  who were rescued were given  medical  treatment  by  a  team  of  doctors.

After  a  tiring week at the  orphanage,  I settled  down in my  cabin  for  a  coffee and some  biscuits, when the operator called  me  in  my  intercom. A  lady refugee at the orphanage who was a victim of the disaster  wanted to  see me personally;  she was accompanied witha  girl  of 8 years ;

I  grimaced  slightly  inwardly  at  the  sudden  invasion of  the  privacy  in  my  office, but the picture of the woman  with the  girl streamed  into my mind.

“Send her  in,” I instructed.

The  woman who  entered was strikingly  beautiful, rosy cheeks, fair and delicate complexion, dreamy eyes,  only  she looked as  if  she was starved. She  struck  a cord in my  mind, a  glimmer  of resemblance to  perhaps  someone I knew long time back ? She  was  holding on to her  daughter.

“Jenny do you  remember me?” she  smiled weakly at me. “I am Rose.”

I  was  rudely  jerked into a reality.  A  flash of pain  and a  glint of  recognition flashed  across  my  face.

“Was  this  really Rose  whom  I  am  meeting  after  a  span  of  say  15  years. What had  she  got herself  into? Here  she was, an  emblem  of beauty ;in  such  a  dire  state? She  had rejected  Gerry  for a Junior  Tennis  champ..today  she comes back  again  in such appalling condition !

Before my  questions  were  answered, she needed  to be  attended to.

I  controlled  my  emotions and gestured her to sit down.

“Yes Rose, do  you want something to eat ?” I asked her kindly.

“Wouldn’t mind it Jenny, but my  daughter needs  something too.” She  replied softly.

I ordered  for  a meal and some  hot  milk  for  the  both of them and instructed  the nurse to  take  care of the girl. Next I booked  a  room for the two and made  arrangements  for  the basic necessities. Completing the formalities, I  gently  coaxed  her to freshen  herself up in her  room and  take rest.

“We will  talk  later. Don’t  worry..they  will take  care of your daughter.” I assured her.

She  smiled  gratefully at  me, as  she  accompanied the sister.

I  debated  whether to call  up Gerry  or  not and  decided  against it. “ Let me  first listen to  her  story.” She was  still as lovely as  before….I now could suppose what Gerry  meant  by  beautiful.

After  giving  Rose  time  to gather  herself  together, I visited her  room and  from what tale  she  had  to  relate, I  surmised  the turn  of  events in a nutshell.

Head over  heals in love with Richard, the Junior tennis champ, she  decided  to  marry  him when she passed  school  at  the age of  19. He  was a broke with no money and had already taken to  alcohol and  drugs, by  end of  the second  year of their  marriage. She  tried to  work it  out with him with  odd jobs  here and  there, but  he managed to  spend  every penny  on his  bad habits. By  the  age  of  22  she  already  had  a  daughter. Richard  passed away  after  a few  years, and  she was  left  with  her daughter in  a  tiny  shack outside  the  city to  rage the  battle alone. She had  a meagre income ; by  this  time  she had already  lost  both her parents  as well.There never was a  day when  she did  not remember  us.

“Both  of you were all over the news  doing good things, but I  wondered you  never married…You  did  not  even  consider  marrying  each  other; You were so fond of each  other.”  admitted  Rose. But fate  had other plans, as the  hurricane  hit the  city  and  everything was washed away  by  the  torrential  floods. Somehow they managed to  stay  alive until  were rescued  and  brought  to  this  orphanage.

I  returned  home early  that day. My  mind  was in  turmoil !! A variety  of thoughts flashed  across  my mind..Should  I tell Gerry;  how  would he react ?  Was he still  in  love with Rose? What  about  her ?? Did she repent  her former  decision ?? She remembered us even today…Did that really  mean  something?

With  those  thoughts in  mind  I  fell into a  troubled  sleep.  My  dream  came back. I  saw Gerry holding hands of the girl again.  Today I  could  see her  face clearly .. She was  Rose. It was up to me to  bring them together again !!! I got up  in  cold  sweat with a fear  of  losing a close person. But my  mind  was made  up.

Next  day  during  jogging, I  slowly  brought  up  the  subject with Gerry. He  listened intently  with a  nod  or two.  I saw  a  variety of  emotions cross his  face when  I  mentioned what  Rose  faced and a flicker of sympathy about her daughter.

“ Do  you  want  to meet  her  Gerry ?” I  enquired  softly.

There  was  a  pause. “IF  I  SAY  YES,  WHAT  HAPPENS  THEN ?" Gerry  turned to me blocking my path once  again. He  looked  deep into my eyes and repeated, "IF I SAY YES, WHAT HAPPENS THEN,  can  you tell me Jenny?”

For  once, I  had no answer.

WORD  COUNT : 2500.

Dr. Sujata  Chatterjee
(Mou  Dutta).