Fingertips

Fingertips

My aching heart won't let me go
a vice grip on her says
you left too soon
before I could
decide just
how much I loved you
And this pain just goes to show
where your place was
in my heart
a necessary part
my daily routine
my sanity
my life
you were - what they call -
my everything.

With this young mind
I doubt myself
the strength of these emotional confines
but whether or not in 20 years or 30
I will have these feelings,
the truth remains that you made me feel something.

Now life is long and I will tumble into its greedy arms,
twisting and turning
feeling a burning they call passion.
But how long will I stumble
until I can twist and turn
remembering you
without running back to you
and experience this burning snesation
upon my skin, frightened but curious
I'm frightened
but not yet so curious
and I don't want to remember you...
but I do
but I don't
but I do
but I don't
but I--
I cannot feel my fingertips without the warmth of your hands closed over mine
Lord, give me a sign
some sort of
intervention divine that can convince me we will both be fine
or maybe not fine at all

But these aren't university applications with their
cruel automated letters,
inscribing the awaited Congratulations!
or the dreaded We regret to inform you...
Template letters.

We are
No, we were
anything but a cookie cutter case
of careful climbing and sudden drop in pace
sudden plummet to the base
No, we were
a flying carpet of highs and lows
yes's and no's
a sudden free fall upwards
or a steady rise to newer lows

and I would continue
but I don't want to remember you
but I do
because my heart won't beat,
my breath won't start,
I can't feel my fingertips
without you.