Workplace

New Yorkers wear their emotions on their shirt sleeves. This has earned us a reputation for being rude. When we like you, we will hug you and say, "I like you". When we dislike you, we say "Stay out of my face. I don't like you and don't want anything to do with you". I prefer this honesty over people slapping you on the back on Monday, and then stabbing you in the back on Tuesday. But, my honesty has not always served me well.

I accepted a software manager position at a firm in New Jersey where Rolf was the senior vice president of engineering. He was a German Jew with a strong German accent. He was universally disliked. I overheard the following conversation between two Israeli programmers working for me: "I heard that Rolf was in a concentration camp". "Really. On which side". Actually, people like Rolf are the reason for anti-Semitism. I say that with no malice towards Jews, as I too, am Jewish.

Rolf's management style was maddening. He would tell you the absolute latest acceptable date that a product could be completed, and then demand a schedule from you (that ended by the date that he needed). People, fearing being fired if they gave a longer end date, would create a schedule that could never be done that quickly. A week or two into the project, he would drop by and ask if the project was on schedule. When told that it would be late, he would say: "This is your schedule. You created it, and you better meet it - if you know what is good for you". Programmers would scramble, and put in all kinds of unpaid overtime to make good on "their word".

And, as they say, shit flows downhill. Which means that the management style of the top banana becomes the style of his lieutenants, and their sergeants, and so on down the line.

I did not work directly for Rolf. Below Rolf, was George - director of hardware and software. Both Joe and I reported to George. Joe was the hardware manager, and I was the software manager. Joe was a born again Christian - who became my friend and mentor. He was more interested in helping people than he was in helping the company. In fact, he was the one who hired me. He told me months later that the real reason he hired me was because of the following joke that I told him on the interview:

Sparrows love to peck at horse manure - one of their favorite delicacies. Well, one day a sparrow came across a field of his favorite dish. He didn't tell his friends about it, but ate until he was stuffed. Then, he yelled to his friends "I got all the goodies and you got nothing". The other birds were too far away to hear him, so he climbed up onto a hoe handle and again yelled "I got all the goodies and you got nothing". They still could not hear him, so he went to fly to them. Unfortunately, he was so full from all that he had eaten, that he was dashed to the ground and died. Do you know the moral of the story? Don't fly off the handle if you are full of shit.

Joe had decided that I was technically competent, but was more impressed with that joke. He felt that I might be able to handle Rolf's management style more humanely. He also thought he could help me with my personal development. Indeed, he did.

My first day at work, Rolf took me out to lunch to a nice restaurant nearby. I had steak, and commented on how good it was. He had the fish and said that I should try that next time, as it was also very good. He then confided in me that he was an Orthodox Jew, and ate the fish because it was Kosher. I stupidly said "Don't you think that the plate on which you were served the fish previously had meat on it?". That was the last time that he ever treated me to lunch.

The day I started, Rolf told me that the most recent product that we built was so slow that the customer shipped it back, and refused to pay. The company's future hung on this product, and it might require a total rewrite of the software, to get it fast enough to be acceptable. After reviewing the software, I recognized that it was written in "basic" which did not make use of the operating system features. We had to rewrite the entire software in "C" from the ground up. My programmers and I worked 80 hour weeks until it was completed. When it was done, I received stock options as a reward. I made sure that every programmer was rewarded for his efforts. Some received raises. Some received promotions. I explained that when you put in extra, I will reward you for it.

Then Rolf told me that IBM had purchased several systems and refused to pay us until we added certain features that they required. They were willing to pay for the features, but had no use for the product without the features. Once more, I had my programmers working 80 hour weeks. Once more, I made it worth their while.

Again Rolf came to me with an "emergency" which would "do the company in" if not done on his time schedule. I explained that he would have to expect less from the programmers. We could only sprint for so long. We could only Stand on tiptoes for so long. We would have to go back to a forty hour week for a while. Many programmers, who were fresh out of college and loved to program, would gladly put in tons of overtime because the work was fun. Rolf would work these guys into the ground. I privately went to them, and told them that they cannot work overtime without my approval. Furthermore, I would fire them if they worked overtime without approval. Save the overtime for the crunches - when we really need it. I told one exuberant programmer that he could work overtime if he promised to track his overtime and take time off to go skiing on 3 day weekends in the winter. I thought I was a hell of a good manager.

Joe had been the head of engineering at a much larger company where he was in charge of 350 engineers. He became an alcoholic and a cocaine user. He was unfaithful to his wife. eventually, he lost his job and family. He was about to kill himself, when he saw God. It turned his life around. He divorced his first wife who had become a manager in a topless bar. He became a born again Christian. His main drive in life was to help other people. He married a homely church-going woman and he took a job as an engineer at an entry level engineer's salary. He and his wife worked at different locations and shared an old clunker of a car to get to work. Their only luxury was to go out to McDonald's once a week.

Joe worked for George. When George asked Joe to review himself, Joe refused. George explained that Joe's salary depended on it. Joe said "I don't want to play these silly games. If you think I am doing a good job, you can give me more money. If you think that I don't deserve a raise, don't give me a raise. If you think I am doing a bad job, fire me. Just don't waste my time with reviews". George did not give Joe raises for years, even though Joe became indispensable.

Rolf came on-board a few months before I was hired. One of the first things he did was to review the salaries of each manager. When he realized how underpaid Joe was, and how they would be hurting if he left, he demanded that George give Joe a $50,000 raise.

Joe told me about the day he got his raise:
George entered Joe's office with his paycheck that included Joe's new raise which more than doubled Joe's salary. George handed Joe his paycheck and Joe thanked him and put it on his desk - but he did not open it. He just continued working. George said to Joe "open your paycheck envelope". Joe said "I'll do it later". George insisted he should open it now. Joe opened the envelope and looked at the check. He turned to George and said "If you gave me a raise because of the quality of my work and with no strings attached, I thank you". "if you gave me this raise because you want me to take on all kinds of administrative responsabilities, take it back". And George bit his tongue and said "There are no strings attached".

Although I did not have a college degree, everyone working for me had a college degree - except Steve. Steve was also an ex-New Yorker. He had fought his way into the newspaper unions; became a foreman; And was earning over $100,000 per year at a no show job. It drove him crazy that all his co-workers would talk about was sports. If he told them that he went to a Broadway show, or played chess, they would think he was a fag. So, in his forties, he quit his job and went to Control Data Institute and re-entered the marketplace as an entry-level programmer making $20,000 per year. I hired him and taught him programming philosophy that the college graduates took with a grain of salt: The importance of documentation and the importance of thorough testing before a program was released. No program that Steve wrote ever was released with a bug in it. All his programs could be maintained by anyone because his accompanying documentation was so good. Naturally, it took him longer to program than those who didn't document or thoroughly test. One of his peers used to give me a "completed" program that was developed at lightning speed and would be back in her lap the next day because the testers found all kinds of problems with it. Steve and I shared a love for playing chess. The days when Joe and I did not go to lunch together, I used to bring in lunch and play chess with Steve while eating.

Directing a staff of 35 programmers, I spent more time on management issues, and less time on technical issues. One day at around six o'clock, when most of the programmers had gone home, Rolf came into my office. He described software he needed to be written and needed it in 7 weeks. "Rolf, it cannot be done in that time frame", I said "It will take close to 6 months". "But I need it in 7 weeks", he stated. "My wife would like to have a baby in 7 weeks, but it takes 9 months to have a healthy one". Rolf retorted "I spoke to Paul, and he said he can do it in 7 weeks". I laughed and Rolf asked "What is so funny?". "Consider the chain of command: George reports to you; I report to George; Bob reports to me; And Paul reports to Bob". "Paul is an Israeli citizen who is here on a green card. If he loses his job, not only will he be deported, but will be drafted into the military during wartime. So, when asked if he could do it in 7 weeks by his boss's boss's boss's boss, he said he could do it. Big surprise". Rolf said "You cannot manage for me, anymore". I responded with "Rolf, that is okay with me, but let me ask you a stupid question: What answer would have satisfied you? You must realize it cannot be done in 7 weeks". Rolf answered "Of course it cannot be done in 7 weeks. Maybe it should take 6 months. You should have told me that it will take 6 months, but if you would have held Paul to his 7 week commitment, we would probably have it in 14 weeks".

I went home that night thinking that I would probably be fired tomorrow. That would have happened, except Rolf mentioned to Joe that he was going to fire me. Joe said to Rolf "If you fire Jeff, I will quit immediately". Rolf asked "Why would you do that?". Joe said "When you hired Jeff, he was technically competent. He spent all his time managing for you and technology passed him by. Now you are going to throw him out without viable technical skills". "Joe, what do you want me to do?". "Keep him on as a programmer at his current salary - for as long as it takes to hone up his technical skills".

So they brought in a new manager of software who I reported to. She was an absolute tyrant. I said to my friend, and ex-underling Steve, "She is a bitch. Rolf says 'jump', and she asks 'How high?'; He says 'squat', and she asks 'What color?' ". He started laughing and I asked him what is so funny. He said "Six months ago, that was you". "As my friend, why didn't you say something to me?". "Because you were my boss's boss".

About a year after my demotion to programmer, Joe told me that a friend of his is looking for a senior programmer to work as a subcontractor at an aerospace firm. "If I recommend you, the job is yours". So, I went to an after hours interview. The following day, Joe and I were having lunch together and he asked what I thought about that job. I told him that it looked good. After lunch, we went back to work. He came into my office and said "Your fired". Ironically, after one day on the new job, I quit. I had forgotten how distasteful it was to work in the aerospace industry.

As Joe had been my protector, I had been Steve's protector. About a month after I was gone, George was badmouthing Steve, saying that he was too slow. It got back to Steve, who spoke with George about it. "I understand that you are telling people that I work too slowly". "Oh no, I never said that". Steve said, in his best New York-ese, "You lying sack of shit. I can pick out at least twenty employees, at random, who would swear that you said it". The following month, he was the only employee laid off.

Joe went back to school to get a Masters Degree in psychology, so that he could help people. He was willing to give up his high paying engineering job to be an entry level counsellor - and go back to school to allow him to do that. When Rolf got word of what Joe was doing, he realized that he was in trouble. He could not afford to lose him. So he spoke with Joe and told him that he would pay for Joe's schooling and make him the company counselor half time, and remain hardware manager of engineering the other half. Joe took the offer, but soon realised that the counsellor position was not what he wanted. Before he had the opportunity to change professions, he died of a rare form of cancer.