This Cross I Bear

I feel like Jesus Christ
hanging on the cross
Suffering so much pain
and having so much loss.

Feeling alone and very helpless
and finding no way out
I called for God so he could help
but he never heard me shout.

My heart began to harden
because I took all the blame
My feelings all went numb
so bitter I became.

My soul was filled with anger
as rage filled both my eyes
Feeling I had been betrayed
and was told that I had lied.

Overwhelmed with endless shame
a wall is what I built
To protect my inner child
and escape from all my guilt.

I know that all my memories
are not my imagination
I had to split my mind in two
to get through this situation.

The adult in me just survives
while the child in me is mad
I feel since I participated
I am just as bad.

Each day that I exist on earth
my life seems more unfair
Painful feelings haunt me
while my memories make me scared.