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A man who tells harmless tales and dupes nobody but himself |
(Tea-break / Engineering factory / in a clear space between the machines, the workers are sitting in a circle wearing boiler suits drinking tea / Bill is a renowned story teller, usually tales that enhance his life / Most of the workers resented Bill’s tales as lies / Young Steve was the only one who seemed fascinated by Bill’s Stories) ROB: I was talking to a bloke in the Fox last night … he gets double time from Friday afternoon … when I told him we get time and a third at all times he pissed himself TERRY: Most firms do … it’s only these tight arses I know that don’t BILL: I always paid my blokes double time when I was manager up in Hull TERRY: Where was that then Bill? BILL: Seymour and Stokes general engineering on Kings Lane industrial estate … I was manager there for four years ROB: I never knew you were a manager Bill BILL: oh aye … I’ve been manager at a few places me … and not just engineering TERRY: Such as? BILL: Pubs, clubs … a few pubs around Yorkshire … a nightclub in Jersey STEVE: A nightclub? BILL: oh aye … Polka dots it was called … well, when I say night club, it was an old liner that had been converted … it was gorgeous inside … it was the place to go back in the seventies (At this point Terry and Rob looked at one another rolling their eyes … Terry motioned to Rob that his mug needed rinsing and got up … Rob followed) STEVE: So it was a boat? BILL: oh aye … a bloody big boat too STEVE: What a brilliant idea … turning a boat into a night club BILL: My feet hardly touched dry land the whole time I was there … I lived on a house boat across the water from the club and used to go to and from work in my speedboat STEVE: You had a speed boat? BILL: Aye... I did … it was a lovely little craft too STEVE: That’s amazing … what a life style BILL: You think that’s a life style mate … let me tell you … there was some money on that Island … I came home from work one morning and there was this huge luxury yacht moored at the house boat next door … A big American flag flying aft … the flag was bigger than my speedboat … my new neighbour put my boat to shame STEVE: Was he a rich business man or something? BILL: No … it was the Duke … John Wayne STEVE: John Wayne? You mean the Hollywood film star, John Wayne? BILL: Aye … The one and only … I passed by one day and he was swabbing the decks … so I said to him “Ay up John … give us a go on your boat” Just jokingly like and do you know what he said to me? STEVE: No … what did he say? (Bill stood up and moved the chair from behind him … he then started bending his knees moving his hips and swinging his hands in front of him … a poor visual impression of John Wayne’s stance) BILL: Well … he took his keys from his pocket and tossed them at me and he said “Bring her back in one piece partner” STEVE: Wow … that’s brilliant Bill … What did you do with the speedboat when you left there? BILL: I claimed on the insurance STEVE: Why? Did you crash it or something? BILL: Not quite … had it scuttled STEVE: Scuttled? BILL: Yeah … A few people on the island did … it means sunk … on purpose … John Wayne used to do it … give him fifty quid and he’d take your boat out and sink it … then swim back STEVE: What? A Hollywood movie star would help deceive insurers for a mere fifty quid? BILL: It wasn’t just fifty quid though … loads of people went to him … and he enjoyed it … it was his hobby … that and swimming THE END (Thank goodness) |