The Bottom of The Glass

The Bottom of the Glass
It’s not a common occurrence to stare into the face of death especially as a young person. In the view of so many, death is an abstract concept like the whisper of the wind through the oak trees, but that was not to be my fate in these turbulent times. I was quite young when it happened, barely fifteen and just coming into my womanhood, but age is not a mark of innocence these days. Death is cold and empty like the bottom of a glass. I could see this emptiness in his ice blue eyes for there was no soul behind them or sympathy or goodness. The death that I saw was that of a soldier that entered my parent’s house on a cold winter’s day determined to strike fear into the hearts of all he encountered, but I am getting ahead of my story. It is necessary to acquaint you with the fullness of what happened if you are to understand how one as young as I could have stood in the presence of such malice and then be transformed by it. This is a story not for the faint hearted so to whoever finds this journal please do not judge too harshly on my legacy.
My name is Lily Foster and I was the eldest daughter of Brandon and Abigail Foster. We lived a simple but happy life on the frontier of South Carolina in 1775. That was before the war changed, before everything changed. I was the eldest daughter but only the second of five children that the Lord blessed my parents with starting just a year after they were married. My parents were honorable, decent people of English/Irish stock and they worked hard to keep our family fed. While we were not in poverty it would be wrong to say we were we off though my father was an important man. We owned one hundred acres along the Columbia River so as a land owning male; my father did sit in the South Carolina legislature. More than that, Brandon Foster was well-known for his military service during the war with the French in the previous decades. He had settled our farm before meeting and marrying my mother and they made a good life for themselves to the point that we hired domestic and farm workers when I was six. It was my mother who ran our family farm when my father went to war in the previous decades.
Abigail Foster was a capable woman who learned quickly during the war with the French that just because you were a woman did not mean that the enemy would not try and harm you. That was a naive stance to take according to my mother. She taught all of us but especially my little sister Bethany and me that a woman should do whatever it takes to protect herself during turbulent times, but always keep your integrity. It was she, that after birthing five children and losing the youngest to disease after only two years of life, who took on running the farm again when hostilities broke out with England in 1774. My father was called away on several occasions to Charlestown and then Philadelphia to speak with other delegates about what was to be done. It was on his last trip to Philadelphia that my older brother, Marcus, and I were allowed to accompany him. It was 1775 and the Continental Congress was convening about the prospects of an American army to defend us from the British. I remember my mother pulling me aside before I joined father and Marcus in the carriage.
“Watch and listen closely child to the goings on in the capital. I fear that this conflict will bring extreme violence that even children will witness. You can be observant where your father cannot so take heed and write down as much as you can in this book.” Mother handed me a leather-bound journal before she closed the door. Now while my mother’s speech may sound strange to some it made perfect sense given the fact that my brother and I both learned from the same tutor. While that kind of education was unconventional for a female child, my mother demanded that her daughters receive the same education as her sons if they possessed the aptitude. It would be this education that helped me confront the man who so brutally ruined my world.
I spent the ride to Philadelphia in silence, listening carefully to my father and brother talk of politics and the possibility of war. My brother was eighteen and eager to join the Continental Army but my father was more prudent, demanding to have all the facts before giving his permission for such a dangerous act. My father understood the seriousness of war and was not about to let my brother’s naive enthusiasm get the better of him. He wanted to be certain ours was a just cause before committing himself and his family to it. The ride was long and we arrived in Philadelphia well after midnight. The Continental Congress had a house prepared for us near to Independence Hall so it was not long after we arrived that I found myself sleeping soundly in my room. I was woken early by my father who roused me before dawn, “Lily, you must get out of bed immediately.”
“Father, what is the matter?”
“The Continental Congress has called an emergency session and I want your brother and yourself to be present. You’re unique perspective will be very useful to me so please dress quickly.”
I hurried about my chamber with several servants helping me into my dress and fixing my hair. Someone brought several biscuits and jam into my room so I could have a quick bite to eat before being downstairs thirty minutes later to enter the carriage with my father and brother. My father was silent but I still felt free to speak up with a question: “Father, what is going on?”
“There have been several battles in the colony of Massachusetts and Congress has decided it’s time to take action. The British are determined to put down our resistance with force.”
“Do you foresee independence?”
“I think so my dear which is why I wanted you with us today. If independence is to be declared your brother and I will be enlisting in the Continental Army. Your mother needs to be aware of the goings on here along with you for it will be you two who runs our farm and protects our family.”
“Yes father.”
Independence Hall was dark when we arrived but the servants were working quickly to light the lamps for the delegates. Men were already gathering in the signing room as my father ushered me in and found me a seat on the left side of the room close to the front.
“Remember Lily, remain silent. Women are not allowed to participate in these proceedings, but you may observe and take note. I grabbed your journal; here is a pen and ink jar. Write down all pertinent information, but by all means remain silent. While I value your strong opinions, the men in this room will not.”
“Yes father.”
I look my seat silently as father placed a small table with a candle in front of me. More delegates were filling the room as President Peyton Randolph took his seat and began to call the room to order. I remember thinking how exciting it was for a young girl like me to be present for these historical moments. It was rumored that independence was going to be brought before the Congress. I was not surprised by this comment since many had been calling for independence for the past year. Many people talked around me as I sat waiting for everything to start. I wrote down many of the impressions in this journal but the important thing to remember is that the men in this room were the leading minds of the country and most were calling for independence immediately. I sat in quiet awe when General George Washington walked in and took his seat, but had no time to pay attention to him before President Randolph called the room to order on May 10, 1775.

June 13, 1775
I started to mark the important dates in my journal as we had already spend several weeks in Philadelphia without much going on besides negotiating. Several presidents of the Congress came and went before John Hancock was settled upon on the 24th of May. While it had been exciting being present for the Congress’ work not much had been accomplished yet and there was not much of note to write upon but I did take notes of important men, their personal views, and their stances on independence. What had been accomplished was a resolution to send an Olive Branch Petition to England in order to try and cease hostilities without formally declaring independence. While the more aggressive delegates had opposed this resolution, my father was among many who had supported the movement. When I asked him about it that evening over dinner, my father looked sadly at me before answering, “Your generation does not remember the violence and brutality of war that my generation saw during the French and Indian War. War is a violent machine that touches not only soldiers but families, neighbors, wives, and children. While your brother and others his age have the gift of youth and enthusiasm they also have a naïve view of the consequences of war. War should be avoided at all costs.”
He ate the rest of his meal in silence before retiring for the evening leaving Marcus and I to have tea by the fire. Marcus and I sat in silence before I speared him with a glance. “Marcus I know you are eager to join the Continental Army, but father is right. We know very little of war, so I believe it prudent that you keep your enthusiasm to yourself for the time being.”
Marcus looked down with shame. He had let his enthusiasm get the better of him and was acting like an eager schoolboy. It was more prudent to keep your personal feelings at bay with matters such as these until all the facts are known. Marcus looked at Lily with pride after having these thoughts.
“Mother would be extremely proud of how you have conducted yourself this past month. You have presented yourself of a woman with wisdom beyond your years, grace and strength. I very seldom tell you this, but I do value your opinion Lily.”
I remember smiling with affection at Marcus, we had always been close. I feared however we would soon be separated for quite some time if independence was declared, but that was a worry for tomorrow. I rose to take a walk through the flower gardens behind the house before retiring for the night myself.

June 14, 1775
The day started off as many of the other days in the last four weeks until after lunch. John Hancock brought the room to silent attention with the resolution for the forming of a Continental Army to defend the colonies. I watched in amazement as the room exploded with emotion as those opposed to the resolution stood up in anger. Hancock brought the room to order after a few minutes before reading out the resolution and calling for a vote. It was at this point that Marcus came to site next to me, “What do you think will happen, Marcus?”
“I do not know, but I know father is going to vote in favor. I fear however that forming an army will hasten the declaration of war from Great Britain.”
We watched in silent awe as the resolution was read, witnesses were brought forward to defend the needs of an army, and George Washington gave his opinion in favor of the action. It took four hours before all sides could be heard and a vote was called for. It did not take long for the resolution to pass and Congress approved the forming of a Continental Army with Washington as its leader. It was then that I noticed a lot of gentlemen asking for Congress to adjourn for the day even though it was only half past two in the afternoon. I leaned toward Marcus for an explanation and he even looked like apprehensive to leave. Mr. Hancock adjourned for the day and I was surprised by how fast father was next to us.
“Marcus, please wait till we have a private moment to talk. Let us move into another room to speak.” Father took my arm and steered me into a room across the hall from where we had been and closed the door before he spoke. “Marcus, please reconsider.”
“I will not father. I have waited till I was of legal age even though hostilities broke out months ago. I am going to enlist this afternoon.”
Father solemnly nodded, “Very well. Unfortunately my presence is still required here and may be for quite some time.” Father paced the floor before standing before us with a resolute look in his eye. “Lily, I am going to send you home this evening with the carriage and Barton our driver. Your brother is going to enlist and then will be sent to Washington’s camp outside of the city to begin training.” Father must have seen the look of reluctance on my face as he was speaking.
“Do not fear child, Barton will see no harm comes to you. Unfortunately I must stay here to continue working for the good of the cause. I would have you stay with me but during war the capital can be a very dangerous place. It will be far safer for you at home with your mother and I trust only you to tell her of what has happened in the past weeks. God speed child now hurry to the house to pack your things.”
“But father I want to work for the cause!”
“Lily you will not argue with me on this. Philadelphia is no place for an unchaperoned young woman and I will have no time. There may yet be a way you can help the cause, but for now you must help your mother”
I resigned myself to the realities of the situation and was on my way out of town by dusk. It was a long, lonely ride but it did give me time to think. I had a revolutionary plan in place by the time Barton pulled onto my family’s property. There was a way to help the cause and to do so even as a young woman, but mother would need to approve and because of that I was not allowing my hopes to climb too high. The house was dark when I arrived home but mother had roused upon hearing the carriage and lit the fire in the kitchen. She welcomed me into her arms as soon as my feet touched the ground.
“Lily, child what are you doing here? Where are Marcus and your father?”
I smiled wearily, “Much has happened mother: the war has begun. I have written everything down in this journal as you instructed me.”
“Come, I will warm you some stew while you tell me what has happened.”
I sat at the kitchen table and relayed all that I had seen and heard while mother warmed some lamb stew and served me a large bowl. I told her that the Continental Army had been formed and Marcus had enlisted as he saw it his duty. This statement brought tears into Mother’s eyes. While she understood this feeling of duty, it was saddening to see her firstborn in such a dangerous situation. I told her father was staying on in Philadelphia to continue his work but thought it safer that I be sent home.
“Tis safer indeed, but I believe you can still be of use.”
“As do I mother and I have an idea of how to be of use. Our farm is near several crossroads that the British will need to use in order to move troops through the South. Perhaps I should travel about some and keep an eye on troop movements and send letters to father.”
“What if they are intercepted?”
“I still remember that secret code that father and I used to use when I was a child to leave funny messages to each other. I could encode my letters so the British will not understand them.”
Mother looked thoughtful as she mulled the idea over in her mind. I knew there was no way to tell if she was going to grant me permission for this venture. With her husband in the capital and her eldest at war, I knew my mother wanted simply to have the rest of us safe at home. Mother moved her gaze towards the fire before answering.
“I think it is a good idea but we must disguise you in your brother’s clothes. We will cut your hair and bind you so that you look like a boy to everyone else.”
I nodded in agreement and that very night we made the transformation while my siblings were asleep. Mother sheered my long, red hair close to my scalp and found some of the brother’s small clothes for me to wear. My siblings were shocked the next morning, my sister Grace especially, but we impressed upon them the importance of secrecy. I looked enough like my brother from a distance that unless someone who actually knew my family came really close, no one would know the difference. I understood why my mother had insisted I change my appearance. I was a female who was going to be out amongst rough men and soldiers: it would afford me at least some protection aside from the weapons I planned on carrying.
Over the next month there was not much going on in South Carolina to report to my father but we kept up our letters anyway. Marcus was serving in the northern colonies with Washington’s army but managed to send letters on occasion. My father was indeed busy in the capital but even he too found time to write. The war was not going well for the colonies but much of the southern colonies were yet to be touched. This was not to be our luck for much longer as within several months of my writing to my father, Cornwallis invaded South Carolina and took Charlestown. He brought with him the man I would come to loath and exact revenge upon: the man who would change our lives forever. His name was Tarleton and he was a cavalry leader in Cornwallis’ army. There had been rumor of his brutality from the middle colonies because of his actions towards the women and children he encountered on his journey south.
The fateful day was December 20, 1777. It was cold that day with fresh snow on the ground and I was returning from the local store in the early afternoon when I saw Tarleton’s cavalry riding towards our farm. I had just sent my father the third letter that actually spoke of troop movements so spirits were good at our home. I was walking through the woods in sight of the road still dressed in my disguise when I saw them. They were moving fast down the road as if they were riding with a purpose with Tarleton leading the column. From a distance, he looked very handsome but when he turned to say something to his subordinate officer I caught a glimpse of his face and it drove terror straight to my core. His face had a look of malice to it, his mouth curled into a snarl naturally and his expression was cold as ice. I did not hesitate and started running through the woods as fast as I could, knowing I would only have minutes to spare if they were indeed heading for our farm. I burst into the clearing where our house stood and rushed through the backdoor.
“Mother, a British cavalry unit is heading this way.” My mother looked up in a panic before assuming command of all of us. “We have only seconds. Grace, go gather the blankets off the bed and everyone put their coats on.” It only took seconds but we could hear the approach of horses. “Now children, you are going to go down into the root cellar. No matter what you here, you must stay quiet so you do not let them know you are there.” All of us nodded before my younger siblings hurried beneath the trap door with the blankets. My mother stopped me before I left, “Lily, I want you to lead the children out the cellar door and into the woods while I am keeping the soldiers busy. Hide yourselves in the brush and whatever you hear, do not come back until they are gone.” She lifted my chin to look me square in the eyes. “Do I make myself clear?”
“Yes ma’am.” I was frightened because I knew the dangers these soldiers presented to a woman alone, but mother was determined her children would be safe. I followed my siblings down into the cellar and mother closed the door above us and replaced the rug. I looked at their scared faces and knew I must remain calm.
“Okay, we are going to go quietly out the door and hide in the woods. You must do this quickly but quietly. Does everyone understand?” They all nodded at me and stood still as mice while I opened the cellar door. I cautiously looked out and saw the coast as clear, but I knew the soldiers would surround the house so our opportunity was limited. While I did have my pistol and a knife, I knew that they would not help us. When I heard the soldiers enter the house, I brought the children out and kept watch as Grace led them to the woods. They disappeared in a matter of seconds, but a noise made me hesitate. I could not see my mother but I could hear her. I went back into the cellar and closed the door so I could hear what was going on. Tarleton was sitting at our kitchen table asking the whereabouts of my father and all of us. Mother kept her composure and merely stated that her husband was gone to war and that their children were grown. I could see her nervousness but it would be what happened next that would give me memories that I will never be able to erase. I had a good view of Tarleton and could see his ice; blue eyes go completely cold as he nodded to one of his men. The men grabbed a hold of my mother and drug her into the other room while Tarleton followed. I went out the cellar door as her screams rang out through the air. There was no one surrounding the house so I ran into the woods.
“Grace!”
My sister was standing up looking at the house, listening to my mother scream. I grabbed a hold of her and we crouched down next to our brothers. I covered Matthew’s ears and nodded for her to do the same to Toddy. We crouched there, wrapped in blankets with tears silently streaming down our faces. We knew what those men were doing to our mother, but we also knew what would happen to us if we tried to help. Her screams only stopped when a single shot rang out through the air. As Tarleton and his men left the house, we did not move or make a sound. Grace and I watched as they rode off without a care and waited until they were out of sight before we emerged from the woods. My brothers and sister were crying as they moved toward the house.
I stopped them from going inside, “I want you boys to stay outside and sit here on the porch. Grace, you and I are going to bury mother properly.” Grace nodded and followed me inside where we found mother lying on the floor of the parlor. Her hair was undone, her clothing ripped and torn, and the gunshot wound in her chest was causing blood to spill out onto the rug. My sister and I were both crying as we covered her in a blanket and wrapped her in the rug. We dug a shallow grave and buried mother in it as Grace read a passage out of the family bible. Matthew and Toddy laid flowers on the grave while Grace read. After she had finished, I walked back toward the house and sat on the porch with them. We sat in silence for several minutes before Matthew looked up at me and spoke.
“Where will we go now?”
I knew we could not stay here, but to take my siblings where I planned on going was a mistake. I knew what I had to do in order to stop Tarleton, but the very idea of it was vile. I looked at my siblings and knew that I had no other choice if I was going to avenge my mother and stop this monster.
“Grace, you are going to take the boys into town to Mr. Green’s store. Tell him what happened and ask if you can stay with them until I return.”
“Lily, where are you going?”
“I am going to stop this monster and where I’m going you cannot follow. Please just do as I say. I want you to go inside and dress in your warmest clothes and go through the woods to town. Please go now!”
Grace could see the anger in my eyes and took the boys inside. When they were ready, I hugged them quickly before watching walk out of sight. I went inside to change my clothes for what I had planned for Colonel Tarleton. I dressed in one of my mother’s best dresses and hid several knives within my corset and garters. I put my mother’s rouge and powder on my face before dressing in her best hat and heavy coat. I saddled our best horse and rode away from my home without a look back. It was the events that happened on this day that changed my life forever. Witnessing my mother’s brutalization and death removed all hope from my heart and all I knew was hate and vengeance. As I left, I prepared myself for never seeing my siblings or my father again. The road I was about to travel down was one that I was prepared to never return upon. I rode hard and fast, taking short cuts and paths through the woods in order to reach Tarleton’s camp before he returned. I tied my horse into the woods near the tents and walked into the camp from the road. I felt fear when the British guards found me, but I knew what I had to say.
“Now what do we have here?”
“I’m a gift to Colonel Tarleton from the Terrence Potter.” It was of course a lie, but Terrence Potter was a local loyalist who was notorious for buying British favor with money and material gifts. I stood there while the two guards discussed what I had said before one offered me his arm.
“I will escort you to the Colonel’s Tent, Ms….”
“Ms. Walker. I work at the local tavern at Potter’s fork.”
As we walked into the camp the soldier talked to me about visiting me at the tavern later, “Well after the Colonel is satisfied perhaps I could visit your tent before I return to town tonight.” I smiled at the soldier with my best seductive style before I walked into the tent to await Tarleton’s arrival. As I stood there I almost vomited in disgust about the ploy I was using to get close to this man. The thought of him even touching me made my skin crawl, but I was also aware that the British took pleasure the local women who followed the camps. It was the perfect situation to get close enough to actually kill him, but it went against everything in my being. As I stood there regaining my composure, I reassured myself I was doing this for my mother and to protect other innocence from this vile and evil man. As I heard him approach I removed my coat to reveal my dress. The guards had mentioned my presence because he entered his tent with a smile that almost undid my confidence and resolve. It was sickening to imagine him touching me or even looking at me so I looked at the floor.
“So Ms. Walker, you are a gift?”
“Yes sir, from Mr. Terrance Potter. He says that I am at your disposal sir.” I could barely get the words out but I stood there while he moved closer to examine me. He came right up to me and lifted my chin as if to kiss me and that’s when I could hold on no longer. As he leaned in, I pulled up my dress skirt. The loathsome man thought it as an invitation but did not know I had grabbed the knife hidden in my garter. Before he could utter a word, I had it held to his throat and he opened his eyes in anger and shock.
“Not a word, Colonel. You have never met me, but you will regret destroying my family before this night is over.”
Tarleton took a good look at my face before speaking, “You look vaguely familiar, but what I have done to deserve this attack?”
“I am going to kill you Colonel Tarleton. But first, I want you to know it was the daughter of the woman you dishonored today who took your life. You have brought dishonor to my family and subjucted innocence to your ways. I want you to know that it was a girl of a mere 17 years that got close enough to you to bring your well-deserved death.”
Before Tarleton could utter a sound, I stuck the knife into his left side and twisted it so the wound would not close. As he fell to the ground, I covered his mouth with my hand to muffle his initial scream. I knelt silently waiting to see if the guards had been alerted, but I heard nothing but laughing outside. I ripped a piece of my dress and tied it around his mouth before grabbing the other knife I had hidden in my corset. When I looked into his cold eyes I glimpsed fear for probably the first time in his miserable life. Hate pulsed through my veins and I was tempted to do the unspeakable by cutting off the one thing he had forced upon my mother but I knew she would not have wanted me to stoop barbarity. As he stared at me I took my knife and cut his abdomen from hip to hip wanting a slow death for the man who ruined my family. As he slowly bled to death I sat there and watched the light leave his cold eyes. I had naively though watching him die was going to make me feel relief or to erase the pain of hearing him destroy my mother, but it did not. I only felt cold as I sat there for some minutes after he had expired. I thought I might cry but no tears formed. It was as if his emptiness had poured out of him and into my soul. I was frozen before I heard a voice inside me say, “Get up now!”. I stood grabbed my coat and hat before slipping underneath the back of the tent. His tent was next to the woods so escaping without being seen was not a problem. I retraced my steps back to my horse and was about one hundred yards away before I heard commotion in the camp. The guards had obviously found Tarleton’s body and would be riding out to find me but I had one distinct advantage. I had grown up in these woods so I knew the terrain much better than they. I rode quickly into town to Mr. Green’s store to find my family. Mr. Green looked shocked when I burst in with blood down the front of my dress.
“Lily, oh thank the Lord you are all right. Grace told us what that monster did but she was not sure where you had gone.”
Mr. Green looked into my cold eyes before noticing the blood, “What have you done?”
“Tarleton will never destroy another family after this night. The soldiers will be coming for me so I must ask a favor of you Mr. Green.”
Mr. Green nodded in disbelief that I could have committed such an act. “Name it.”
“I cannot stay here as the British will be looking for me. We have a cabin on the very back of our property in the mountains that my father uses for hunting. He always kept it fully provisioned so that is where I will stay until it is safe. Grace knows its location should you need to speak to me. I’ll only be coming back for provisions until the danger is gone. My only request is that you go to our house and close it up while no one is living there.”
“Yes, of course I can do that. Can I do anything else?”
“Will you keep my sister and brothers here with you and tell the British they are your children? I will return for them when I can but I will not put them in further danger.”
“Yes of course.” Mr. Green nodded before continuing, “I’ll put together some provisions for your journey but you must leave quickly. Just give me a few minutes while you say your goodbyes.”
I stood and gathered them into my arms, “Now I want you three to be strong and look out for each other. Do not come to the cabin unless it’s an urgent matter. Grace, write a letter to father and tell him what has happened…everything that has happened!”
Grace stepped back and looked at me in fear almost as if she was afraid to admit what I had done. “I cannot believe you have done this.”
“Perhaps when you are older, you will understand Grace. I did it to protect others from his evilness, but I will have to live with this and one day will answer to God for it. That is all you need to know.”
When Mr. Green returned I quickly exited the house and rode away into the night. I would spend the remaining years of the war at my father’s cabin. Grace visited when it was safe to bring me the newspaper and books from our house, but our relationship was to be forever marred by that day. Upon hearing what had happened, my father had returned home and stayed with Grace and the boys. The British had searched in vain for Colonel Tarleton’s murderer but I was safe and grew accustomed to the loneliness. I grew a garden and hunted game for my food, but Father always sent provisions with Grace.
It was not terribly long before the war came to an end and the British left our country. Even still I did not return home; I stayed at my cabin in the woods. Father brought all of my things so I could live there more comfortably as well as some livestock. While it was hard for my family to understand, I was forever changed by that day. The events I had witnessed and myself committed had done nothing to dull the pain. They had left me empty just like that man’s eyes: just like the bottom of a glass.