Stolen Within my Grip

They’re always watching me… Waiting for me to slip up… constantly watching… waiting, always waiting… wherever I go, everywhere I go, this way and that. They want to catch me, catch me red handed. But they don’t realise I know, they don’t realise I’m onto them. I won’t conform, no one can make me conform, no I’ll never be the puppet they want me to be. I won’t I just won’t have it! I have to be my own person, for her… It’s all for her, I promised. We said we’d revolt, we said we’d just take over. We said… Ohh we said so many delightful things. Why did they have to do it, why? Why did they take her away from me? I wonder with no real purpose… No real meaning, nothing. Just an empty shell, following the tide, in… out… in… out. But not for much longer, soon I’ll get them, I’ll get them back. I have to she deserves that much. NO! She deserves more, but it’s the best I can do for her now, all I can do in her memory, she’s one of them now.

I thought they would have captured me ages ago, in another lifetime. But they haven’t, I’m still free, or as free as one can be in captivity. She could have handed me in, she has the memories, or whoever has taken her body. They know everything we did, everything we said, they know! Why am I still here, why haven’t they come for me, why won’t they free me from this pitiful excuse for existence? ‘COME AND GET ME GOD DAMN IT! I’M RIGHT HERE YOU KNOW WHERE I AM!’

My life was just so plain without her, I needed her. Ha ha! That’s something I thought I’d say, I, me! Needing someone. I was always so careful to not get close to people, to not really feel anything much. Anger, anger was an easy emotion, when you’re sad you can be angry, when you’re angry you can certainly show anger. My life was full of fake laughter and anger, full of red fires of hell. And then she came and totally obliterated my imperfect little world I had created for myself. For once I was laughing, I was really laughing, and I was feeling happiness… Fuck that! I was feeling! Actually feeling, something besides pure hatred for the world. And I loved it; I loved every minute of it, well, every minute I was with her. The rest I was wishing we could be together. What a stupid thought for me to have. Stupid, stupid, stupid!

Where was my little fuming world now? Gone, just like her. Everything easy in life, taken, stolen. What did I have that I could actually call mine? What did I have that was mine? My clothes are stolen, my life kidnapped, my sanity, where the hell is my sanity?! Probably lost that down the line too.