Cut Just A Little Bit Deeper part 2

A twig cracked in the forest somewhere behind me, and I ran out to the fire as fast as I possibly could. Clay wasn't sitting in our spot, Todd and Jared were.
"Todd! Come here!" He nodded and was by my side in five seconds.
"Yes, babealicious?"
"Excuse me? It's Levi."
"Right, sorry."
"Where's Clay?"
"Oh. Uuhh, I tihnk he went to his truck. But Lev-" I cut him off and jogged down to Clay's parking spot. There was a tall blond sitting in the bed of the truck, I couldn't see her features because it was dark out, and her face was attached to my boyfriends!
"You fucking jerk!" I screamed through my tears. The music shut off and Clay looked at me, alarmed. "What the hell are you doing with my boyfriend you skanky slut?!" Todd, Jared and Ryan were bside me at once, Devin and Taylor were inching closer and closer to the truck. Clay jumped out and ran up to me.
"Baby I-"
"Shut up! And it's Levi! Not baby, not honey, not sweety! Just Levi."
"What does that me-"
"It means that I'm breaking up with you!"
"Why?!"
"Because you were just making out with a bimbo!"
"Excuse me? I am not a bimbo," the blond was making her way out of the truck, "and you do not know me, so do not talk about me like that."
"Yeah, fuck you. Go ruin someone else's relationship, you've already ruined one tonight. Clay, h-how could you do this? I thought you loved me. You know, it wouldn't be as bad, if I hadn't had sex with you." Several gasps travelled through the newley formed crowd.
"I-I'm sorry Levi! She ki-"
"Oh yeah, she kissed me. Right. Clay, I've heard that so many times before. I've never cared that I've heard it before. You're the first one that i actualy loved, that I actually didn't want to see go. You're the first one that I'm going to miss. Goodbye Clay." My voice cracked when I said his name, I turned and ran down the road away from the crowd. Clay chased after me and pulled me into a hug, his hot lips touched my neck and I turned to kiss him back. "What are you doing?! Get off of me! HELP!" I shoved Clay back and he fell into the dirt. I cried harder as I saw his hurt expression. It started raining halfway to the farm. I couldn't run anymore. I fell into the gravel road, opening up my knees. Blood was flowing onto the ground, but I didn't care, I wasn't focusing on that pain, I was focussing on the pain in my chest. I needed... to get back to the farm. I stood, but I was dizzy, I hadn't realized how dizzy I was. It must have been from the drinks. I took a step forward but fell sideways and stumbled into the ditch.
"No! Shit!" I tried to climb out, I stuck my right foot backwards and pushed, but a log and a blouder, and several other rocks and branches fell on my anke. I screamed out in pain but no one would hear me out in the middle of nowhere.
"Help! Please! Someone, anybody! HELP ME!!!" Everything was silent except for the pounding rain against the road. I shut my eyes and let the tears flow down my face. If someone drove by, they wouldn't see me, they wouldn't hear me. It didn't mean I wouldn't try though. Headlights were speeding down the road, swerving from side to side.
"HELP ME! PLEASE!" I tried to jump uo and out of the ditch but ended up screaming in pain so loud it burned my chest. "OOOWWW! HEEELLPP!!!" The car screeched to a stop and someone jumped out.
"Hello?! Who's there?!" Clay. Why did it have to be him?!
"Clay!! Help me! Please!!"
"Levi?! Where are you?!"
"In the ditch! HELP ME!" Three seconds later something plunged into the water, and I knew it was Clay.
"Are you alright?"
"No! I'm not! I caught my byofriend that I had sex with cheating on me at a party, I fell and sliced my knees, and I fell in a ditch full of freezing cold water! Now just help me out!" He nodded and dowve into the water, the boulder started shifting off of my ankle, then the log and I was free. I scrambled up the side of the ditch and started jogging down the road.
"Where do you think you're going?!"
"Home!"
"Get in the truck Levi!"
"Ha! No way!" I ran faster down the road and finally found the sign to the farm. I looked back and the headlights weren't coming any closer, weren't moving. Finally, they moved and they raced down the road towards the farm. I needed to get into the house before I saw him again. If I saw him again, I might give in, I might kiss him back the next time his lips made contact with my body. I opened the front door and screamed as i slammed it shut. How could he do that?! Why would he do that?! Grandma was down the stairs in 10 seconds, craddling me in her arms, shushing me, asking me what was wrong, telling me it would be ok.
"Clay!! He cheated on me!! Grandma, I love you, but I need to go home!"
"Honey, you're mother won't let you. I'm sorry baby, I'll ask though."
"Thank you grandma, I love you. I need to go to bed now." I sniffed and pulled away from her arms and ran up the stairs. I opened the window for air and sat on the window seat gasping for air as I sobbed. Clay was staggering through the field towards his house. I wanted to throw something at him. But what? I spun around the room and finally found a baseball hidden in the closet. I opened the window all the way and threw the ball as far as I could, it hit him in the back and he cried out in pain. I dove to the ground and shut my eyes. My arm burned. It only burned when I needed to cut. I slowly raised form the floor, I started crawling towards the door. There were scissors hidden in the closet beside my door. If I opened it quietly enough I could- No. I couldn't do it. I'd gone almost a month without cutting. I shouldn't have to now. I didn't want to be one of those girls who cuts when a boy broke her heart. Instead I turned around, shut the window part way and curled up into a little ball in the middle of my bed and cried myself to sleep.

I woke with a warm breeze hitting my face, the curtains fwapped against the wall and I could hear people yelling happily at eachother. "Get the cows out here stupid!" "Ow! Fucking chickens!" "Can someone move the horses?" The last voice wasn't happy. It sounded miserable. Clay. I rolled over onto my back and looked at the wet spot on my blanket. It went through to the matress. I would just have to let it dry through the day. I pulled my hair up into a pony tail and changed into capris and a baggy t-shirt then made my way downstairs. I stole a glance in the mirror by the kitchen before I entered. My eyes were puffy and red, swollen. And my hair was a mess. Grandma greeted me with a kiss and a sad look on her face.
"I can't go home. Can I?"
"No baby, I'm afraid not. Do you want some cereal or breakfest?"
"Uhmm, no thanks. Not right now. Can I just go for a ride?"
"Of course." She smiled and I put my runners on then went out to the barn. Clay was with my horse.
"Move." I shoved him out of the way and pulled my horse out of the stall.
"Levi, can we plea-"
"Don't talk to me."
"Levi!"
"Clay! Don't talk to me! Do you not understand that?! I don't care what you have to say! I don't want to hear it! Just stop!" There was a lump growing in my throat and I turned away. He whispered somehing but I pretended like I didn't hear.
"Levi, I know you don't want to hear it. But it's important. Please listen?"
"Fine! What?!" He took my hand and led me back inside the barn.
"The condom."
"Yeah, what about it?"
"It broke."
"What? What are you saying? Clay. Am I pregnant?"
"How would I know. Levi, I'm sorry. I just got nervous and I'm not very good with comitment, and it just freaked me out."
"Well you obviousley aren't good at commitment. I need to be alone. Goodbye." I left the horse and walked through the field to a sunny isolated spot. Tears slipped down my cheeks and I thought, if I was pregant, how could I kill the thing that was building insid me? But would killing it be good if I couldn't be a good mother and have a good home for it? Would I stay at home with my parents? Would my parents support my decison, or want me to get an abortion? What would I do if they wanted me to get one? What would I do about Clay? Questions floated through my head, but I needed to go talk to Clay, and I needed to either go to the doctor's office or go to the drug mart. Footsteps came up from behind me, I looked back and it was Clay. He stopped and looked down at me.
"I'm sorry Levi, I know you want to be alone, but we do need to talk."
"I'm not taking you back, and I don't knwo if i want to be friends with you yet. but I do know that if I there isa baby inside of me, that I want it to have a father."
"And if you are having a baby, I want to be its father."
"I ahven't decided if I'm going to have an abortion or not."
"What? You'd kill something we made? How could you do that?"
I smiled, "I don't think I cold Clay."
"Levi?! Levi! Get over here now! Hurry!" Grandma was screaming and crying.
"Did you tell her?!" I hissed.
"No! Of course-"
''LEVI!" I stood and raced through the field to the house. Grandma was holding my sweater and was pulling her's on.
"What? What happened?" I asked as I hopped into her car.
"You're father."
"Grandma! What happened?!"
"His plane crashed."
"Was he on it?!" I screamed letting the tears fall down my face. I stopped trying to pull my hoodie in and started blankly out the window. Why wasn't she driving any faster?!
"Yes. He's in the hospital in critical condition. Honey, the odds of him making it are slim. I'm sorry."
"Grandma?"
"Yes?"
"Drive faster."

I ran through the hospital as fast as I could and made it to dad's room. I could hear his life machine thing bleeping slowly, loudly.
"Dad? Daddy, can you hear me?" I asked as I entered his room. His eyes opened and he smiled at me. Stupid business! If he didn't work so hard he wouldn't have been on tht plane and he wouldn't be here!
"Daddy, I'm sorry. I love you." He slid over in his bed and I layed down beside him in a ball. He couldn't die, he had to make it.
"I love you too Levi. I'm sorry I was never a good father and I was working. I'm glad you told me wht you did before you left, it was all true. I was on that plane coming home, I quit my job. I needed to be a father to Melissa. To both of you. I wish I quit sooner, and I wish I could go back and redo everything, have more time to be with you and see you grow up. Honey, I love you so much."
I sniveled, "I love you to daddy, I wish I've been at home and had more time with you. I wish I was nicer to you. Please don't leave dad. Please stay. Please."
"It's not up to me honey, I'll be watching you everyday, every second. Don't forget me, I'll be waiting for you. Ok honey?"
"No! You aren't allowed to go! Please!" I felt like a little kid, begging for they're friend to stay longer. "Hang on dad! Don't let go, please?" I kissed his cheek and his machine started beep faster, he was trying. "You can't leave dad. You can't."
"Honey, I'm sorry. I wish I could, but I'm going, and I can't fight. I've tried, I need you to be strong. Okay? Promise me you'll be strong."
I broke, tears slid down my face in torrents hitting the bed. "I promise daddy. I love you so much. Dad? I might be pregnant." I needed to tell him before he went. Before I would never see him again. Tears fromed and fell down his face.
"Be a good mother. Alright? A better mother then I was a father. Swear to me you will be." I nodded, I couldn't speak. I wish I hadn't told him. That would just make him feel worse.
"I love you so much." My grandma said suddenly, I'd forgotten she was there.
"I love you to Mary. Don't forget me when I'm gone."
"Of course not." She kissed his forehead and gave him a hug then left the room.
"Dad, I'm sorry I was never a good daughter, and I'm sorry I told you about my maybe baby. I shoudln't have."
"No, I'm glad you did. I need you to be a good mother though. And don't do what I did, don't make my mistakes. I love you more then you will ever know."
"I love you too daddy."
"Baby, I need to go."
"No!!"
"I love you," he whispered as his machine stopped beeping, one solid beep that would haunt me forever.
"NO! DAAAD! PLEASE! WAKE UP! Please. Please?" I shook my head and kissed his cheek, gave him one last hug before I left the room. I stood and went outside. Melissa, mom and grandma were wating, crying almost as hard as I was.
"He's gone." I collapsed into my mother's arms and cried. She helped me out to the car and told me she loved me.
"Go back to grandma's, be good. And don't have sex with anymore people."
"Fuck you mom. How could you be so inconsiderate right now?! I love you Melissa, be good. I'll see you soon."
"Love you too." She sobbed. I shut the car door and reclined in my seat thinking about my dad.

I got back to the farm at 10:00 that night in tears. I jumped out of the car and ran to the barn. I flopped onto a hay stack and sobbed wanting to be at home with my dad.
"Levi?" A hot hand touched my arm and i cringed away. Why was Clay always there when I didn't want him to be? i rolled away onto a hay stack in the corner and curled into a ball. "Levi, what's wrong?"
"My dad," I wailed, "he died!" I cumpled into a heap and let my tears soak the hay that was underneath me. Clay gasped and scooped me up into his arms. He cradled me back and forth trying to sooth me.
"I'm sorr-" I cut him off by pressing my lips ot his. I shoved him down into the hay and crawled on top of him. My lips returned to his then went to his neck and explored his chest. I quickly unzipped his pants and wiped them off tossing them onto the floor. I puled my shirt over my head and Clay's hands grabbed my boobs, I shooed him away and pulled my bra off.

"Clay?" I asked an hour later. "Do you think I'm pregnant?"
"I don't know honey. It's a good possibility."What would I do if I did have a baby? Would I keep it? I doubted it. I would probably give the baby up for adoption. Would Clay be alrigh with that though? Would I be alright with that?
"Clay, what are we going to do? My mom thinks I'm a slut, my dad just died and I might be pregnant." I let a few tears slip down my face, but I made it so Clay couldn't see.
"I don't know yet Levi. But baby, we'll figure it out. That baby, will have the best family and house in the world."
"What if I don't wan to keep it? Maybe getting an abortion is just easier Clay."
"But you'd be killing something that we made! How could you do that?!"
"Because I'm thinking about the future! I want to go to school still! If I have a baby it will ruin my life Clay! I'll be considered a slut! And I won't have an education, I don't even have a job!"
"We can get you a job. And you can still go to school, if you're friends call you a slut, they were never really you're friends to begin with. And you're one of the smartest people I know."
"Then you don't know some very smart people. It was extremly dumb to have sex with you. I'm sorry." I gathered my clothes and raced out the back door of the barn. I slipped into the clothing before I raced to the house. Grandma was sitting on the porch swing.
"What were you doing in the barn?" She asked glaring up from her book.
"Thinking," I sniveled. My swollen red eyes added the perfect effect.
"You might be pregnant?"
"Grandma, I'm sorry. Clay said the condom tore."
"Why would you have sex with him?"
"Because I loved him. Love him? Grandma! I'm so confused!"
"Baby, it's okay. We'll make it through this. Have you decided where you're going to go to get you're abortion?"
I gasped, "grandma, I'm not having an abortion."
"Oh, well then we'll have to look into adoption agencies."
"No! Grandma, I want to have the baby!"
"Really? Good. What are you going to do about school?"
"Grnadma, I need you're help with this. I can't raise the baby alone. Clay and I both need ot go to school, and we both need to work. If I go back home I'll be to far away for Clay to see the baby. Do you think it could stay here?"
"Of course. We need to get you to the docotr's office in about two weeks to see if you are pregnant. So know more drinking."
I gasped, "I drank the night of the party!!"
"You had sex that day?"
"Yeah, but it still could have hurt my little baby!"
"No it wouldn't. You're little baby, isn't even a baby yet. So don't worry."
"Okay, you promise?"
"I promise dear. Now go to bed, get a good rest," She kissed me goodnight and I wandered up to my bedroom.

The next two weeks passed antaginisingly slow. Finally the day came where I could go to the doctor's office to see if I was pregnant or not. I secretly wished I was, but then i thought about it and I hoped I wasn't. Either way, I would be okay with the outcome. Clay and I hopped into his truck and drove down the road.
"You know you can drive more then twenty miles an hour Clay. People walking are passing us."
"I don't want to hurt the baby."
"Clay? Drive faster." He nodded and sped up to the speed limit.
I anxisousley jumped out of the truck and into the doctor's office. We took a spot in the waiting room and read some magazine's, watched the children playing with the blocks in the corner while waiting for my name ot be called.
"Levi Preston?" I exhaled deeply then dashed for the room. I sat down on the bed and smiled at the young doctor. She wa pretty, red hair, green eyes, and freckles were splattered along her arms, chest and face. Her cheekbones looked amazing when she smiled and I envied them.
"Hello, I'm doctor Coupe. You're here today because...?"
"Uhmm, I want to know if I'm pregnant..."
"Oooh," she gave Clay a long once over then looked back at me, smiled and winked, "so do you want him to stay in here for this?" I glanced at Clay and he pleaded with his eyes for me to say yes. I nodded and she started the test.
I walked out of the office feeling happy.
"Pregnant." I spit the word out finally. "A girl." I said in a happier tone. "Clay? Can we stop at a bookstore on the way home? I need to pick a few things up."
He stared blankly at the road.
"Clay?"
No answer.
"Clay!"
"I'm going to be a father."
"And a great one. Can we please stop at a bookstore?" He nodded and sped down the road at an insane speed. He sped into the parking lot of an unknown bookstore and I dashed inside grabbing three parenting books, and a book called "Baby Names For Girls." Satisfied with my purchases I skipped back to the truck.
"What'd you get?"
"Parenting books. And a name book." He stared at me wierdly. "What? I want to be ready." He nodded and tore out of the parkng lot.
"Grandma?! Graaaaannddddmmaaaa!!!" I shrieked jumping out of the truck and running into the house.
"Out here honey!" She yelled coming out of the greenhouse. "How did it go?"
"Okay I guess. But guess what? I'm pregnant! It's a girl!"