Cut just a little bit deeper...

The front door shut and I was finally alone. I ran around the house just to make sure. Alone. I raced to the bathroom and removed the familiar loose floor tile reaveling my hidden blade. I pressed the edge to my forearm and inhaled through my nose, slipped the knife into my skin and exhaled. I was making artwrok. Cutting wasn't having the same effect it usually had, I needed to go deeper. I went deeper. The blade hit bone and I gasped as blood poured from my arm and onto the starch white floor, the blade clattered to the floor, and I wavered back and forth, in and out of conciousness until I fell backward and hit my head on the bathtub.

"Levi? Levi please wake up. Please?" My little sister Carrie pleaded with me. She was holding my hand crying, pleading. I wnated to wake up, I needed to wake up. So I concentrated real hard on waking up, on all the things I would miss in Carrie's life if I didn't waek up. My eyes fluttered open and Carrie was there looking at me, crying.
"Hi baby, it's alright. Are you ok?"
"Mhmm, I'm fine." She hugged me tightly and I squeezed her back, my arm tingled with pain. Mom rushed to my side and kissed my forehead. Carrie sat down in a chair at the foot of my bed and smiled at me. I was in a Hospital. Dad and grandma were in the corner of the room, dad was texting looking furious.
"Baby, I'm so sorry. I don't kno what we did to make you want to do this. Whatever we did, we'll fix it," dad snorted, "I'll do whatever needs to be done. I'm so so sorry Levi." She started to sob and she shook her head. She lifted Carrie out of the chair and sat down, putting Carrie on her lap.
"Bullshit we did anything!" Dad threw his Blackberry into his pocket and glared ta me. His hair was disheveled, his shirt buttoned wrong and his tie was crooked. Good press face. He probably did that on his own, to make it look like he was upset. "Do you know how this makes me looke Levi?! It makes me look bad. You are the most selfish person I have ever met Levi. I cannot believe that you did this to me! You're face is all over the news! Preston's daughter tried to kill herself! Plastered all ovet the newspapers! Every fucking front page in America! Good fucking job Levi!" I nodded, thinking about what he said.
"I'm the most selfish person you have ever met?! Take a good long fucking look in the mirror father!! You are the most selfish person I have ever met! Any man can be a dad, but it takes a real man to be a father! Have you ever heard that?! You have never been either of those to me! All you care about is you're Blackberry and you're job! Now leave me alone and NEVER talk to me again! I don't ever want to see you again.Leave." He nodded one stiff nod then left the room. The buttons on his Blackberry went crazy. He needed to contact his agent, and his agent needed to contact the press. Had I really tried to kill myself? Or had it just been an awful mistake? No, I would never try to kill myself, I couldn't do that.
As if reading my mind, mom looked at me and asked me, "why did you try to kill yourself?"
"I didn't."
"How can I know you aren't lieing?"
"Because, if I wanted to kill myself mom, I'd be dead right now." She nodded and started to cry again. "I'm sorry mom! Don't cry!"
"Ok, you're right. I'm sorry." Grandma kissed my cheak then turned to mom.
"I'm going to get coffee. I'll be right back." We both nodded and I shut my eyes, Carrie crawled up beside me and we both fell asleep.

When I woke, there were several empty coffee cups and people snoring. I glanced at the clock on the bedside table, it was 11:30 am.
"Mom?" I whispered trying not to wake Carrie up.
"Mmm... Yeah honey?"
"Nothing, nevermind." She nodded but stood up.
"I'll be right back, I'm going to get some more coffee for me and grandma."
"Ok." Grandma was passed out in another chair in the corner. She must have stolen it from another room. Five minutes later, mom returned. Her hair less messy, her clothe's straighter, and two coffee's in hand.
"Mom? I brought you a coffee."
"Thank you dear." Grandma smiled waking up. Mom and grandma both pulled their chairs up to the side of my bed.
"Baby, grandma and I have been discussing something," she sipped her coffee then licked her lips, "we both think it's a good idea if you go and stay with you're grandmother for the summer. There's someone at the house packing you're things."
"Uhmm no thanks. No offense grandma. But I have plans. I'm not going to go stay out on a farm for almost three months. I have plans!"
"We will go out into town honey. I'm not going to make you stay out in the booney's all summer break."
"And this isn't open for discussionLevi. You're going. That's that."
"No!! I have plans! Why are you sending me away?!"
"BEcause!"
"Becuse why?!"
"Becuase I don't want you to be with you're friends after this little stunt! I want you to get used to functioning properly! Because, you said you didn't want to see you're father ever again. Good solution."
"No! Bad solution! I'm not going!"
"You are going. End of story."
"No!"
"End of story."
"NO!"
"End of fucking story Levi!"

The next day I was out of the hospital and in my grandmother's mini van driving to my house. All of the things I would need were packed and ready, waiting in my room. The car pulled into the driveway, I jumped out and raced into the house. Dad was waiting in the doorway.
"Levi, I'm so-"
"Save it." I shoved past him and raced up the stairs to my room. Five bags, packed and ready. What did they pack? I didn't want to get to the farm and realize they'd packed winter clothing. I unzipped the bag, mini skirts, short shorts, tanks tops, t-shirts, and jeans. Three sweaters and two sundresses. It would do. The only thing they didn't pack was shoes. I could do that easily though. I grabbed my high tops, converse, cowboy boots, and gum boots then went back downstairs.
"Did they pack the right things?" Dad asked once I went down the stairs.
"Yup, all the right stuff. Not like you care." I snapped. He looked slightly hurt. Oh well.
"Good. Uhmm, have a good time at you're grandmother's be good. Don't do to many drugs." He winked, trying to make a joke, trying to be funny and fix things.
"Haha, funny. Bye."
"Bye honey. I love you." He placed his hand on my shoulder and I shrugged it off, then sauntered off to grandma's car.
"When we get to the farm you can settle in, then you need to go out to the barn and meet Clay. He'll tell you what ya gotta do round the farm. We'll have all you're chores pinned up in the barn. You know how to ride a horse?"
"Uhhmm, no. Never learned."
"Hmm, well, Clay will teach you. No worries." I nodded. Who was Clay and how old was he? Was asigned to me or something?
"How old is Clay?"
"Seventeen, same as you." Good. I hoped that he was cute. We pulled into the driveway of grandma's farm and I pulled out my cell phone to text Lacey.
"Won't work out here. No cell phone service."
"Are you kidding me?"
"Afraid not. Sorry chick pea." I grabbed my bags and grumbled into the house. "Upstairs, third door on the left." I sauntered up the stairs and went to the third door on the left just as grandma said. There was a nice wooden desk, a wardrobe, bookcase and a tv. Awesome, at least I wouldn't be too bored. I turned on the msic channel then put away my clothes in the wardrobe I immediatley started singing when a familiar Avril Lavigne song started to play, I couldn't help but dance a little too. When the song was over I decided to go downstairs and ask grandma where the barn was. She sighed, complimented my singing, then brought me out to the barn. There was a tall boy with brown curly hair petting some of the horses. He turned and smiled a dazzling smile at me, I smiled back but tripped over something once I took another step.
"Are you ok?!" He rushed ot my side and helped me up as fast as he could.
"I'm fine." I looked at his worried expression, and realized I had been alittle harsh. "Thank you." He was too cocky, I could tell he thought very highly of himself. He nodded and turned back to the horses not a second word, not a second glance, just helped me up, hear that I was kind of a bitch, and no more of that. He didn't even ask why I was here. Most people I knew would ask. "So what am I supposed to do?" I looked back for grandma's help, but she was gone. She left me to fend for myself.
"You know how to ride?"
"No, I didn't know it was a requirment."
"If you're on a farm, riding is almost always a requirment."
"Oh. Well grandma said you'd teach me how."
He rolled his eyes, "why do I have to teach you everything? Stupid little city girl, doesn't know shit." He grumbled ot himself, he said it just loud enough so I could hear though. I was slighlty insulted. He was nice three seconds ago when he helped me up, how could he be so nasty about this?
"Well sorry I'm not a hick. If you don't want to teach me how, then don't. I'll just stay inside." I spun around and started for the house, I could tell he was watching me in disbelief as I walked away. I was a little city girl, wearing designer capris, flip flops, a flowy white strapless shirt, and I had my long brown hair tied up in a pony tail. By the end of the summer, I'd have blond highlights from the sun. I pretended to fix my hair and stole a glance at Clay who was staring at me muttering something.
"If you have something to say about me," I spit the words, flowing so angrily, as I turned around, "I'd appreciate it, if you said it to me."
"Fine. I said you were a stupid bitch."
"I'm a stupid bitch?! Really?! Go fuck yourself Clay."
"Shut up you stupid little girl. And I am not a hick."
"Oh really? Take a look in the mirror!" He opened his mouth to say something, I ignored him and walked away. I stormed into the house and up to my room. I was a bitch. A stupid little bitch. Every word he'd said about me was true. I didn't belong here, I belonged back in the city! But I couldn't leave, grandma and mom would both say that I had to make the best out of a bad situation, so I would try. I sat on the big fluffy bed for five minutes just breathing in and out, in and out, in and out until I heard Clay outside with a horse. I hopped off the bed and went to the window, opened it wide and looked around to find him. He was bringing two horses out to what looked like to be a riding ring. Was the second horse for me? I thought it would be. So I decided to change into jean short shorts a puplre tank top and my converse. I wasn't going to wear the cowboy boots just yet. I walked cautiousley down the stairs and out the back door. Grandma was sitting on the porch wing drinking iced tea.
"Well you look nice." She smiled at me then took a few sips of her drink.
"Thanks. I think I'm going to give riding and Clay a chance."
"Thank you honey, it will make everything on you easier. I heard you're argument. You're being very mature about this. Thank you."
"You're welcome grandma, love you." She smiled at me sweetly, and I jogged off to find Clay. I turned the corner and I saw him sitting on the fence staring at his feet.
"Hey country boy," I did my best to smile at him.
"Hey." It didn't seem like he was ready to forgive me just yet.
"I don't like being the first one to apologize when I'm in a fight. But I'll make an exception this once. I'm sorry Clay, I was being a stupid little bitch." I shot him a half smile and jumped up onto the fence.
"I'm sorry to. Now you know what? You know my name, but I don't know your's."
"Oh. My name's Levi."
"Levi. Ok Levi, are you ready to learn how to ride?" I nodded happily. I was actualy excited to learn how to ride.


"Time for dinner kids." Grandma came around the corner wearing an apron. Clay nodded and slipped through the fence.
"Come on, we'll leave the horses out here until after dinner."
"Okay, sounds good." We raced to the porch and opened the door.
"Wait! Take off you're shoes!" Grandma yelled racing after us. We giggled and took off our muddy shoes before entering the house. We made our way into the dining room and I skidded to a stop looking at all of the people sitting at the table. Clay noticed and turned around.
"What's wrong?" He whispered just so we could hear.
"Who are they?"
"The other stable hands. It's ok, they all know who you are, they've all met you before too."
"How do you know that?"
"They talked about you, you cam here when you were little right? That's how they know you." I nodded and decided yo follow him. Grandma came in after with chicken, corn, carrots and salad. After dinner, Clay and I put away the horses, brushed them and put them in their stalls for the night.
"I guess I'll see you tomorrow."
"Yeah, sounds good." I was so comfortable with Clay now, but he was still cocky and he thought he was better then me. "Where do you stay?"
"Just down there. You're grandma has houses for us. Not big ones, but houses nonetheless."
"Awesome, well, I'm tired, and my butt hurts so much I can barley stand. So I'm gonna go and turn in for the night." I smiled my goodbye and left the barn, Clay's hand grabbed my forearm and I cried out in pain.
"What?! What did I do?!"
"My arm! Let go! Please!" His hand was off of my arm immediatley.
"What's wrong with it?"
"Uhmm, nothing. Sorry. Bye Clay." I ran out of the barn and to the house as fast as I could. Once I was onthe porch I stopped and caught my breath, I should have told him, I wish I told him. I looked back and Clay was still standing in the doorway of the barn, he looked hurt. "I'm sorry." I whispered, then turned back and went into the house. I slid down against the door onto the floor in my room and started to cry. Why had I cut myself so bad? If i dind't I'd be at home with Lacey and Alex right now. Someone knocked on my door and I guessed it would be grandma.
"O-one sec." I scrambled out of the way and wiped my tears. "Come in!"
"Hey, a-are you ok?" It was Clay.
"I'm fine. Aren't you tired?"
"Nope, and you aren't fine Levi. Why did it hurt when I grabbed you? I barley touched you."
"Nothing."
"Levi, please tell me?"
"I don't want too! Not yet."
"Please?" Why did he want to know so bad? It wasn't even interesting.
"Fine," I unwrapped the skin coloured bandage from my arm, "I cut myself." He gasped and grabbed my wrist carefully trying not to hurt me.
"Why'd you do that?"
"Because my dad's a dick, my mom is perfect, and they expect me to be utterly insanly perfect. It was stressful and I couldn't handle it. So I cut myself. I never tried to do this though, and I most certainly did not want to kill myself."
"That's why you're here?"
"Yes. But I didn't try to kill myself. I swear."
"I believe you."
"You probably don't want to hang out with a basket case like me huh?"
"Don't even think that." Clay wrapped his arms around my waist and hugged me for a long time. It was nice. I wish it was longer, but we both yawned and we knew it was time for bed.
"Bye Clay, see you tomorrow."
"Bye Levi." He smiled the dazzling smile he showed me beofre and left the room. I quickly changed out of my dirty clothes and into my pj's, grandma said I'd have chores to do tomorrow. I was dreading cleaning up pig shit, and cow shit, but I'd get to see Clay so it would make my day just a little bit better.

Sun shone through the window, I neglected to close the night before, waking me up. I yawned sleepily then heard Clay's voice outside, I jumped out of the bed and dashed to the window, I sat on the window seat and watched everyone working. Clay looked up and saw me, he smiled sweetly at me and I couldn't help but smile back.
"Honey, time to get up." Grandma knocked on the door and came into the room. "Haha, looking at Clay?"
"What? No!" I shut the window and smiled at her then went to the wardrobe to pick out my outfit for the day.
"You're not riding all day today sweety, right after you get dressed I need you to go get the eggs."
"Eggs? Eggs that come from chickens?"
"No, eggs that come from cows. Of course eggs that come from chickens, why?"
"Nothin, chicken's are just creepy." She chuckled then left the room for me to get ready. Hm, chickens? Maybe I should wear my cow boy boots. Not yet, I'd just wear the already dirty converse shoes outside. I slipped into a Roxy t-shirt and jean capris, then went to the bathroom brushed my teeth, brushed my hair and pulled it into messy bun then went downstairs.
"Uhhmm, where do you keep the chickens?"
"Clay'll show you." I smiled hugely then raced to go put my shoes on. I slipped htem on without socks then went to go find Clay. He was with a big group of guys, most of them burly and tall except for three of them, who were tall, but strangely skinny.
"Hey Country Boy," I said smiling at Clay.
"Hey Citry Girl," he scooped me up into a hug and the other boys gawked.
"Thought you didn't like her Clay,"
"Yeah man, yesterday when she got here you guys had a pretty nasty fight,"
"She's too short."
"I'm not short! I'm just small." Clay and the other's burst out laughing and I couldn't help but join in with them.
"So, you probably need help with something?"
"Shut up. Yeah, uuhh, where are the chickens?" He chuckled and told e where to go.
"There's a bucket outside the pen for you to get the eggs with."
"Awesome." I muttered heading to the chicken coop.

I returned into the kitchen with my little treasure's after being attacked by at least five chickens.
"Oh deer," grandma burst out laughing, she looked like she was gonna pee her pants, "honey, you have feather's in you're hair."
"I hate chickens." I handed her the bucket then went upstairs to shower and get the feather's out of my hair. I stepped out of the shower and stood on my tip toes ot see if I could find Clay through the tall window. Nope. Oh well. I brushed my hair then skipped to my bedroom to change. Strechy short shorts and my Roxy shirt that I was wearing earilier.
"Hey grandma," I asked coming down the stairs and into the kitchen, "can I go find Clay and go riding?"
"I think he's waiting for you in the riding ring already."
"Really?! Thanks grandma!" I ran out of the kitchen and onto the porch, put my runners on then jogged out to the riding ring, he was there, sitting on the fence like he was yesterday. He hopped off and opened the gate for me, I sliped through then gave him a quick hug. "Thank you for not being creeped out last night Clay."
"Why would I be creeped out?"
"Cause I'm a crazy basket case, who cut herself and ended up on her grandmother's farm for trying to kill herself."
"Oh, that. Nah, I'm not creeped out, everyone cuts at some point or another. It'd just be a shame if you'd suceeded and had killed yourself-"
"I didn't try to kill myself!"
"Sorry, it'd be a shame if you accidently kiled yourself, you wouldn't be here right now, and I wouldn't know you. That would be a shame, everyone needs to know someone like you." I was blushing, I knew it, Clay smiled a little smile and ouched my scorching cheek. I pressed the side of my face into his chest, and he wrapped his arms around me. We stayed like that, for what seemed like an eternity. Did I like Clay? Or were we just friends? I didn't want to like him. I really didn't want to. But it seemed like I was starting to like him more and more, each time we talked.
"So let's ride." He finally said realesing me. I nodded and we hopped on our horses.

"To get him to canter what do you do?" He asked twenty minutes later, instead of telling him, I demonstrated.
"Perfect, what about a trot?" I slowed slightly. "Awesome, I think we can go out on the trail now."
"Really?! Awesome!" We told grandma then took off down the trail, kicking up dirt behind us. Clay effortlessly jumped over a fallen log, I was slighlty hesitent and slowed down a little.
"Come on! You can do it! Just run to the log and the horse will do the rest!" I nodded and picked up speed aiming for the middle of the log, he was right, the horse flew over the log and joined Clay's horse in a nice trot. This time Clay let me take the lead, and I took off, speeding down the trail. I stupidly looked back at Clay and didn't notice another fallen log in front of me. It was to big for the horse to jump, but he tried anyways.
"NO!" I screamed as his front legs left the ground.
"LEVI! Shit!" His horse skidded to a stop, Clay flew off just in time to watch me tumble off the horse who barley made it over the huge log. "Levi! Are you ok?!" I grabbed my head in agony, my ankle throbbed a little too and I reopened the wound on my arm. Blood gushed out onto the mossy floor beneath me. Clay's hands were supporting me and helping me up.
"Are you ok?"
"I-I'm fine." Clay helped me stand and hugged me tight.
"Don't lie to me. I should have gotten you a helmet. I'm sorry. And I should have been in front of you, if I was, I would have seen the log, and you wouldn't ahve fallen."
"Clay. I'm fine."
"No-" I grabbed his shirt collar and cut him off by pressing my lips to his. He was shocked for a second, but then his arms wrapped around my waist and our lips were moving together perfectly, smoothe. Our kiss was urgent, but passionate. I loved it, and I wanted more. He could tell, he gave me more. When we pulled away we were both panting.
"I can't believe I just did that!"
"You regret it?!"
"No! Hell no! I loved it, but I didn't think you liked me. At all."
"Don't be stupid. I need to get you back to the farm, come on."

Clay helped me into the kitchen and sat me down on a stool.
"I'll be right back, ok? I'm going to go find you're grandma." I nodded and Clay ran outside, I could hear him yelling for her help. He was really overreacting about this, I'd just hit my head a little, and my cut reopened. Not a huge deal. Grandma and Clay rushed through the door and into the kitchen.
"Are you ok?!" Grandma panted touching the side of my face.
"Grandma, I'm fine. I just need to clean my cut and take a Tylenol."
"Hmm, you hurt you're head?"
"I just fell of the horse, I'm fine. Can I please just take the pills and clean my arm by myself?! I'm fine! You guys are being stupid and idiotic about this! I'm not a fucking baby!" Clay shifted his weight looking uncomfortablly. I didn't want him to be uncomfortable at all, but I wanted them to both know that I didn't like being treated like a little kid.
"Well, if you hurt you're head I'm going to worry. And I'm also going to try and fix it."
"I don't want you two to fuc-"
"Stop swearing in this house! I don't cre if you're parents let you sear in you're house, but in my house you do not use that language! Understand?"
"I wish I wasn't here." I stood up from the stool and spun around to go upstairs. Before I ran away I looked at Clay. He was hurt, genuinley hurt, he thought I was a bitch. Why had I said that?! I said it because it was true. It couldn't be true. Could it? Clay made everythng better. Don't be stupid! You've known him for a day and a half, the first things you said to him was that he was a hick! You're just lonely, and you want something to kiss! No, that couldn't be true. I wasn't that much of a bitch. Was I? My inner voice was making me think of questions I'd rather not answer and or think about. I tried answering them all while I cleaned up my scratch and swallowed some Tylenol's but I couldn't get through half of them. I sauntered back to my room and collapsed onto the bed. I answered some of my questions, I was happy to be here because of Clay, he made me happy, but I didn't want to date him and i shouldn't have kissed him. I didn't want to be here though, I wanted to be back home with my friends, but I would make the best of the situation while it lasted. I stood up from the bed and opened the window, I needed air but I did not want to go outside just yet. Clay was with the group of guy's he was with earlier, they were talking and laughing, and a couple of times I thought I heard the words "City Girl" mixed in with stupid, idiot, and shouldn't be here. I was hurt, I thought he liked me. I wanted to throw something at him. But everything in the room was grandma's and possibly valuable. Instead, I leaned out the window and glared at them.
"Asshole!" Clay looked at me and I gave him one last glare before shutting the window. I dove under the covers in the bed and cried myself to sleep.

"Time to get up honey!" Grandma yelled knocking on the door. I'd slept through dinner and I was starving. I jumped out of bed and walked through the door, grandma was in the bathroom combing her hair.
"Do I have to get the eggs again?"
"Yes please, it's one of you're chores." She smiled putting her comb down on the counter.
"Oh. Are my chores posted in the barn yet?"
"Yes indeed, but only the eggs need to be done right now. You can do the rest after breakfest." I nodded and slipped past grandma into the bathroom, she nodded and left. I quickly brushed my teeth and my hair then went and got dressed into shorts and a tank top. I was going to wear flip flops today.
Wrong Idea! I squished into the chicken coop and brown gushy stuff piled onto my feet. I hoped it wasn't poop.
"Please, please, please, do not let this be poop."
Someone laughed, "you're stepping in poop City Girl." I turned my head to see Clay laughing at me.
"Shut up." I snapped turning back to the chickens, just as one scratched my leg. "Fucking ow!"
"Hey, what the hell is you're problem? I was just pointing something out."
"It didn't need tobe pointed out." I took a step farther into the coop, then Clay's hand wrapped around my elbow and pulled me out.
"You have absolutley no right ot be mad at me!" His face flashed with anger and pain and I wanted to reach out and hug him.
"Uhmm, actually, yes I do!"
"For what?!" He dropped his hand from my elbow and I glared at him.
"For talking about me last night!"
He actually seemed confused, "what are you talking about?" He was either confused, or playing dumb. Probably playing dumb.
"You and you're friends last night! I heard my name-"
"You're name?" He knew what I was talking about.
"City Girl! And the words idiotic, retarded, stupid and shouldn't be here! Have any idea about that?! I think so!"
"Calm down Levi. I told them to stop it, that you weren't stupid and-"
"Yeah right. Probably after I called you an asshole."
"Actually, no. Right before. Ask any of them, please?"
"No. I believe you."
"I'm sorry Levi,"
"I'm sorry too, Clay." He smiled sweetly, then bent his face down and gently pressed his lips to mine. I dropped the bucket on the ground and stood on my tip toes, wrapped my arms around his neck and mved my lips fast, more urgently. So did he. After a minute of that I pulled away.
"I have to get the eggs."
"Okay, don't get attacked by the chickens." He winked then walked away, hopefully to pick up cow or pig shit, something I was waiting patientlly to do. I inhaled deeply then tip toed into the coop, the chickens were doing something strange. Hoepfully sacrafising one another. I ran to the eggs and filled the bucket quickly, a chicken squacked and I spun around. One of the uglier of the chicken's were staring at me. I shoved past it screaming inside and locked up the coop. Grandma, Clay and a bunch of other stable hand's were saring at me laughing.
"Shut uuupp!!!" I giggled racing to the house. I sat down on the porch swing and waited for grandma to show up. Grandma didn't show up though, Clay did.
"Where's my grandma?"
"She went into town,"
"Stable hands?"
"Went to they're houses to change, and wash up for brunch."
"So we're here all alone?"
He smiled hugely, "seems like it." I sprung up from the porch swing and wrapped my arms around his neck. He bent his head down to mine and we collapsed onto the porch swing, kissing and rubbing, and holding. Clay was the nicest guy I'd ever dated before in my entire life. Were we dating? My lips stopped moving and I puled my face away from his.
"Wha-"
"Are we dating?"
He was shocked, "I never thought about that... Do you want to be dating?"
"Uhmm, I don't know. I think so."
"Then, hmm, are we dating?"
"I think we are." I couldn't help the smile that spread across my face, I tihnk I was blushing too because Clay touched my cheek softly.
"You know Levi, you're pretty awesome."
"I know." His lips returned to mine, and the next thing I knew, I heard coughing on the porch. We both pulled away and looked at the person coughing.
"Hiiii grandmaaaa. I got you're eggs!" I pointed to the bucket that was tipped over. Several eggs were cracked and scattered all over the porch. "Ooops. I might have uhmm, kicked them by accident."
"Mhmm, Clay, go wash up. Brunch will be ready soon. And levi, please clean up the eggs and go get ready fro brunch, thank you." Grandma gave us a little smile then went inside, we burst out laughing.
"See you in a couple minutes, girlfriend." Clay winked happily.
"Haha, okay." I stood on my tip toes and pecked his cheek then gathered the eggs and dashed inside.

"So," Clay said as we layed in the grass, "there's a party next saturday, all the younger stable hands, and a bunch of other people are gonna be there. I was wondering if you might want to come." I snuggled into his arm and looked up at the clouds. Wasn't it kind of soon to invite me to a party?
"Uhmm, sure. Sounds great."
Why did you say yes you nimrod?!
'Cause I like him? Was there another reason to say yes?!' No, my inner voice was stupid, and I learned long ago never to listen to her.
The week came and went, and I was getting more and more nervous to go to Clay's party. I wouldn't fit in. Like Clay said when we first met, I was a stupid city girl. I sat in the barn in a bale of hay watching our horses and thinking about the party and me. I'd changed so much over the last week, when the summer was over, how different would I be? Would my friends think of me the same? Would I be willing to leave Clay? No. I already knew the answer to that. The barn door opened and I knew it would be Clay. I didn't want to talk to him at the moment though. I dove into the hay and burried myself in it.
"Levi? Are you in here?" I wanted to jump out and hug him, but my inner voice kept yelling at me,
no! no! Stay hidden, just think, you were thinking so much don't ruin it! If you go out there, he'll smother you in kisses and hugs.
"Shit, where is she Ginger? I needed to talk to her." He was talking to the horses. If he stepped back just a little, I would be able to touch him. I opened my mouth to say I was here, like a little kid playing hide and seek. Did I want to be found? No. No, I would stay hidden for now, be good in my game of hide and seek. Soon after the barn door closed and the moonlight was gone. I uncovered myself and sat up, Ginger looked at me funny and gave a little whiney.
"Shut up Ginger!" I hissed, I didn't want Clay to hear if he was close. I decided it was time to leave, but I didn't want to run into Clay. "I'm a horrible girlfriend." It slipped out of my mouth before I could stop it. But it was true. I was a horrible girlfriend, I was avoiding my boyfriend at all costs. But I wanted to think and I wanted to be alone. Was I an awful girlfriend because of that? Oh well, I would see him tomorrow before the party. I snuck out the door at the back of the barn and ran, staying hidden, to the house. I could see Clay's silhouette walking acorss the field to his small house.
"Goodnight Clay!" I clamped my hands over my mouth and dove into a bush.
Why did you say that?!
'I couldn't not say goodnight to him!!'
Mhmm, you suck at avoiding people.
'Please. Shut up.' I scrambled out of the bush and around the house and snuck in the back door. Once up in my room I opened the window as I always did at night and looked out. Clay was still standing in the field looking around for whoever said goodnight to him. He looked up to my window and i blew him a kiss. I could see his mouth moving and I knew he was saying goodnight. I waved then closed the curtains and changed into PJ shorts and a tank top, I pulled my hair out of its pony tail andcuddled under the blankets.

Something soft touched my cheek,I gasped and shot out of bed. It was Clay, he was crouching over top of my smiling sweetly.
"Morning honey,"
"Morning Clay." He pulled away slighlty.
"Moody?"
"No. Just... excited for tonight I guess," he didn't buy it, "I show excitment in wierd ways."
"You're grandma wants you downstairs for breakfest."
"Kay, be down in a sec. Can I uuhh, have some privacy?"
"Oh, right, sure." Like I was going to let him stay in my room while I changed! Wait, did he think I was going to? I hoped not. If he did, I'd feel obligated to let him stay. I shrugged, it didn't matter, he was gone now. I made my way down the stairs after I brushed my teeth and hair, and changed into some fresh clothes. The table was covered in food, pancakes, waffles, fruit, sauseges and eggs. Grandma kissed my cheek and gave me a side hug.
"What's all this for?"
"You've been here two weeks and you've only complained once." I smiled as she went back into the kitchen. Todd and Devin were sitting at the table with plates full of food. I was more enthusiastic to kiss Clay now that my teeth were brushed.
"Make me gag!" Todd said glaring at Clay. I rolled my eyes and took my seat, Clay sat beside me and started playing footsies with me.
"Says you!! You and Stacy were disgusting! Oh Stacy, I love you more! No way Todd! I love you waaaaaaaay more!! Talk about gagging." Clay winked then tickled the back of my hand that was resting on my knee.
"Hey! We agreed that we'd never talk about that ever again! Jerk!"
"Oooohh weeeell." Grandma chuckled as she came through the door from the kitchen.
"The guys will be here in two minutes."
"Can we start without them, Melissa?!"
"No! We never start without the others, you know that Devin." He groaned and stood up from the table.
"I'll be right back." He ran out the door and halfway through the field. "HURRY UP YOU STUPID IDIOTS!!" Everyone at the table burst out laughing. When Devin returned Taylor, Jared, Wyatt, Brett, Ryan, and David were with him. Ryan kissed my cheek and squeezed my shoulder as he walked past me. My face flamed red and everyone chuckeld. Everyone but Clay.
"It's ok Clay." i whispered just so he could hear.
"No." Why was he so angry about a little kiss on the cheek? It didn't meen anything. It didn't meen anything to me at least. Once everyone was sitting at the table Devin and Todd dove into their food. I ate slowly, thinking about the party. Who was going? Eventually, talk of the party came up.
"So who's going to the party tonight?" Grandma asked after taking a sip of her juice.
"Ooo, I am!" Todd said smiling between bites. Several "same here's" and "dito's" came up too, from Devin, Ryan Taylor and Jared. All of the other guys were invited too but they had decided to stay home and watch movies.
"So," Jared said looking at me, "you're only going to the party with this lunkhead cause he's you're boyfriend. Am I right?" I choked on my orange juice and everyone looked at me, shocked.
"What?! I just wasn't expecting that question! Of course not! I want to go! And Jared, just cause I'm not dating you, does not mean that Clay is a lunkhead." Grandma looked horrified.
"Uhmm, what?" Clay asked looking at me.
"Oh. Uhmm, nevermind." Clay looked hurt, extremly hurt. "Later." I whispered once everyone was talking again. He nodded stiffly then went back to his food.


"Grandma!! I'm going to the lake with Clay! Okay?!" We had several hours before the party, and Clay wanted to waste some time.
"Are you're chores finished?!"
"Yeah!" Grandma climbed the stairs.
"Didn't want to yell anymore, what did you say hon?"
"My chores are all done. Can I please go to the lake with Clay?"
She looked cnfused, "isn't the party tonight?"
"Uhmm, yeah. But we have a couple hours to kill, so we thought to go to the lake."
"Oh. Okay, have fun sweetie." She kissed my forehead then went to her room. I smiled and jogged down the stairs and out the door, I dashed around the corner past the barn and through the field to Clay's little house. I knocked on the door and let myself in.
"Hey baby," he smiled hugley and wrapped me in a giant hug. When I was released i threw my arms around his neck and pushed him onto the couch.
"Hello," my lips attacked his neck, his hands rubbed my back and massaged my butt. His hot lips moved up and down my neck once I was done with his, I didn't give him a hickie, but once he was finished I'd have one. I let out a groan and he shivered with pleasure. I pulled my neck away and my lips were pulled to his. Once we were finished we were both sitting on the couch panting.
"Hey Clay?"
"Yeah?"
"I think.. That I love you." A smile spread across his face and he kissed my cheek.
"I love you too Levi."
I giggled, "I love you waaaaaaay more!" I winked then stood from the couch. "Are we going to go to the lake?"
"Oh, right. The lake. You have you're stuff?"
"Yep."
"Just one sec." He turned around and went through a drawer and shoved something into the pocket of his board shorts. His hand intertwind with mine and we mad our way out to his truck.
He stopped in a little parking spot half an hour later I hopped out and ran down the little path to a secluded little lake spot. I took my tank top and shorts off and waited for Clay to come around the corner before diving into unknown lake. He looked at me and smiled then I dove under the water and swam for a little bit before a fish swam against my leg and I came screaming up to the surface.
"What?! What happened?!"
"There's fish in this lake?!"
"Uuuhh, Levi. There's fish in every lake.''
"Omigosh! Fish are creepy!!" I screamed again and he rolled his eyes, I giggled then pretended to be dragged under the water. I screamed again then I opened my eyes and the water was perfectly clear, Clay was swimming over to me. I popped up and he was panting and looking under the water.
"Babe! It's fine! I didn't drown! It's all good!"
"Oh my god! Not funny Levi!" He swam over to me and started kissing me, I smiled and pushed him under water. Our lips were instantly attached, I opened my mouth around his and he blew his air into my mouth, I did it to him then we went up for air to kiss again.
"I love you," I whispered as he kissed my chest. He smiled took my hands and swam us back to shore.
"Just wait a sec," Clay ran up to our bags and took a towel out of his and laid it on the ground. He shoved something shiny under the bag then ran back to me. Our lips were instantly attached and we needed to lay on the towel so we wouldn't fall down. He was on top of me, kissing my face, my neck, chest, stomach and thighs. I shivered and he slid back up to my lips. The shiny thing came out from under the bag. A condom. Clay leaned on his elbow and looked at me, waiting for my response. I didn't say yes or no, just tugged at his shorts as I kissed him. He slipped it on and undid the back of my bikkini top, I slipped my bottums off.

We got back to the farm smiling happily, I was actually in love with Clay. I've said I love you to a million boyfirends, to all of them except one. but I don't think I ever meant it before Clay. I loved Clay, and I would do almost anything for him. I'd only known him for two weeks, but I'd lost my virginty to him. Oh my god. I lost my virginty to him!! I'd only known him for two weeks! I was a slut!! How could I do that?!
Cause you're a fucking dumbass. I ignored the voice nagging me and consintrated on my sluttiness. At seventeen I really should know not to do that. I'd een so careful! So good! An abusive boyfriend, tried ot have sex with me, I almost did have sex with him, but I said no. I was wasted and I said no. I lost my virginity to Clay in five minutes, and I wasn't drunk, tipsy or even intoxicated. Why was I so mad about this? Clay and I were in love, he would never hurt me. When you're in love, you... Well make love. Don't you? Yes, yes i was positive of that.
"I love you Levi."
GAAAAAAAGGGG!!!!
"I love you too, Clay. More then anything." I smiled and took his hand.
"I'm happy about that. Are you excited for the party?"
"Stoked. I was kind of nervous, cause I didn't know anyone and you knew all the girls that were gonna be there and- but now, I'm not worried at all." I winked at him. He smiled, tucked his hand behind my ear and tenderly kissed me.
"Go get ready for the paty kay? We need to leave in like ten minutes."
"Awesome." I smiled and hopped out of the truck then ran into the house to get ready.
I changed into spandex short shorts, the flowy white strapless shirt I'd worn the first day on the farm and my cowboy boots. I put my hair into a high pony tail and did the smoky eye effect for my eyeshadow. I skipped downstairs and into the living room to say goodbye to grandma.
"Off to the party?"
"Yeuppers, just came to say goodnight. Don't stay up for me."
"Wasn't planning on sweety, and you look lovely. See you tomorrow."
"Night grandma!" I blew her a kiss and ran across the field to Clay's house. He was sitting on the stairs waiting for me.
"Hey babe," I said smiling, he hopped up and scooped me up into a hug.
"Ready?"
"Of course."
"You look beautiful." I blushed and took his hand and wandered over to his truck.
We pulled into a little lake area not too far away from the farm ten minutes later. We were greeted by Todd and Jared greeted us with several beers in their hands, they offered me one and I gladly took it. Clay smiled at me as he watched me take it, then took his own. I chugged my first beer then grabbed a second and sat down on a log beside Clay in front of a warm crackling fire. By my third drink I really had to pee, Clay chuckled and pointed to a spot in the bushes where no one would see me. Someone, probably Devi, statrted to play music from a car stereo, it was blaring. I could hear it all the way in the woods.

TO BE CONTINUED.