The American Dream

The American Dream

On that warm September evening, I sat on the front steps listlessly watching the sunset with tears of grief and disappointment streaming down my cheeks, as I realized that all of my hard work and dreams were in vain.

We had planned every aspect of our life out, long before the wedding. Our dreams were simple. We wanted to get married, buy a little house in the suburbs, have four children, a dog and live "happily ever after". Back in 1965 our dreams were simple.

However, nothing went as we planned! Just one week before the wedding, he was drafted in the United States Army and reported to Fort Dix for his basic training just three weeks after we married. Six weeks later, he was "shipped out" to Viet Nam and I continued to work full time and created a comfortable home for him to come back to.

After his discharge, we worked towards our long overdue goals. Within four years we had three children, a home in the suburbs and were living The American Dream.

However, we underestimated the amount of emotional and financial stress that went along with owning a home and raising a family and we couldn't cope. Sleepless nights, isolation, bills and crying babies drove us crazy. Since he worked two jobs, I stayed home striving to be the "perfect" wife, mother and homemaker, single-handed. I couldn't manage OUR high expectations, cried and bitched constantly and my dreams became a nightmare.

Our marriage began to stagnate. We were both bored, frustrated and lonely. All of my energy and attention went into the house and kids and he found peace, glamour and freedom with someone else. He felt like a macho man and I felt like a failure.So, that night, I sat on the damp steps pondering the events that had brought us to divorce proceedings, full of disappointment, fear and regrets for wasting fourteen years of my life.

Darkness engulfed the neighborhood and my ass was cold and damp, but I sat there, in the glow of the street lamps, just thinking. That's when "MY lights came on" and I began to change my internal chatter. Instead of blaming myself for everything that had gone wrong, I began to realize that we had both been unrealistic, immature and grown apart. We no longer shared the same dreams. BIG DEAL!
I decided that it was time to live in the present, cancel my "pity party" and to accept the fact that our marriage was over.

That night, as I sat on the damp steps, freezing my ass off, I discovered that "If I changed the way I looked at things, things changed". It was time to move on and "Live happily ever after", alone.