Pain or School

The doctor had just took my mother aside in the hallway and out of this prison like room. I knew for a fact it was bad news. Why does Doctor Ryan not tell me to my face instead of breaking my mothers heart and making her tell me every little bit of bad news? I suffer from a rare case of pancreatic cancer and this is my 47 doctors appointment in the past year. I am now beginning to accept the fact that I only have 3 months to live, but what scares me is that there could possibly be worst news on its way. I jolt up when I here the wooden door gently slide open.

"It's me honey," my mother says in a reassuring voice.

"What is it now?" I ask her in a grumpy impatient voice.

"Honey, as we had been informed earlier you have 3 months to live. Within these last three months you will go through a series of pain. Everyday will be a struggle. You are going to have to drop out of school and start a new kemo therapy session to help ease the pain. I know you want to continue school but you can't," I know it is breaking her heart even more when she tells me this.

"NO! I WILL NOT QUIT SCHOOL! ALL I WANTED WAS TO FINISH MY SENIOR YEAR! WHAT MORE HAVE I ASKED FOR? I DIDN'T ASK FOR CANCER? If I could have ONE thing before I die it would be my diploma! I would rather suffer the pain then have to quit school!" I yelled at her so loud I could feel the room shaking.

"I'm so sorry I yelled Mom, so sorry. I'm just so agitated. Please, can you find a way to work the appointments around school?" I whimper trying to calm myself down. I already feel a dooming regret for yelling at her like that. After everything shes done for me, taking me to appointments, paying the bills, and spending every moment by my side for the past year, I felt ashamed.

"You know I'll try darling, I love you so much. I would do anything for you to have more time," she whispers not looking me in the eye. She never does, it's her way of keeping herself together. She has never broken down in front of me even though, we both know she would if she had looked me in the eyes just once. I feel pain when I see the tears she is restraining in her eyes.

"I love you Mom. So much, and I'm sorry." I say and squeeze her gently.