junior!

My notes look like this :

1971 - pentagon papers leaked
1975- N. Vietnam defeats south


thish is all bullshit. two notes out of the whole powerpoint. way to pay attention kad!
i told my teacher i was takin notes, i wonder if he know i lied. im trying to make it less obvious. i feel like it written across my forehead. this class make me think alot. i dont pay attention , the only thing i paid attention to this year was about the twin towers, i was alive for that happening , but i was only in second grade, ya know? it didnt really affect me , and i never thought about it until now .


i wonder if Natalie gsell hates me . i wonder if she thinks im the "bitch" that changed when she got to highschool. the one that left, when we both came into this scary place. Its the time you need someone the most, anyone to help you get through the butterflies of highschool . but she had other friends, so that makes it alright, right? fuck no! that has nothing to do with it. i was a social butterfly , and wanted attention , did she know that ?

im a junior , sitting across form her at a lunch table . and im thinking all of this. im realizing how much i miss our friendship , and how it was based on something real , ya know ? this sucks , why was i so dumb to have lost a great fried like her. i just dismissed her form my whole life. but i do it all the time , i get new friends and ditch my old ones.





i saw him for the first time in a while . a real while , maybe 5 months or so . everything changed. i realized how i always wanted to be with him and more. isnt that so weird how everything can chage after so long , and how your felings come back for someone , everytime you see them ? i never realized how strongly i felt about him . i thought he was so ugly . i shoudl have hungout with him when he asked. they were obviously horrible decisions.

its prom , and i shouldnt be thinking about how much i want his date to disappear, or how i wish my date , and his would link up , and we'd be forced to dance, because everyone else is paired up , and we're the only two left in the room. i shouldn't be wishing io was with him . i have an awesome date, who is very genuine. but its not tom , so it doesn't matter.

freshaman year we would play footsies , and soon enough , my group of friends met his , and everything was grand for a while . it sucks to think of him being with another girl , i want that girl to be me,





its so weird how somehting can happen in three minutes, and its the worst three minutes of your life, but its over , so its not relevant . but it happened , and its in ur memory forever.



it was the first time , i;d been to church in a while,. and dylan was there. it was so odd , its like hes taking everything that was mine , starting with my virginity. EVERYTHING! its like he can take my place anywhere . even my spot in studyhall . is he dooing this on purpose, anyways , i was in chirch , and we just stared at eachother a bit . it was odd, a while , and we broke it . he was walking around , like he was running shit .

excuse my language , you most likely shouldn't curse in church . not inclding that my f'n dad was there, loving him . it was kindof nuts , also lisa and dustin were there, my ex- friends, loving him . he's braiwashed everyone , and i cant take it any longer.