Whispers of War

The Whispers of War

Many stories begin with a bang, but this one begins with a whimper; a young Private lies amongst the mortar and gunfire with his blood running as crimson as the stripes of the American Flag.  The medic holds his hand, as he whispers his final words into her ear, until the morphine takes him from this world to the next.  Sarah fell back amongst the cold desert rock that offered cover from the enemy’s fire.  Tears drip from her eyes and run down her cheeks, bringing the briskness of the wind back to life.  The earth shook and bullets split the air around her, as she tried to compose herself.  She fired her rifle over the cover in frustration, for someone had just stolen her lover. 
         The strength in her arms was all but gone, as she drew the M-4 back to her body.  Sergeant Christian barked out orders to the communications operator, calling for assistance since the enemy held a much more advantageous position.  Everyone in the battalion waited for the angels in the sky to provide such much needed support.  One soldier marked the target.  Within minutes, the sounds of jets struck like thunder, and left a trail of fire and shrapnel in their wakes.  The constellations shimmered against the fierce manmade light of the explosions.
         “Bravo squad, move out,” Sergeant Christian shouted.
         Sarah wiped her eyes with her sleeve and prepared to move out with the rest of her team.  The Alpha squad stayed behind to grant cover fire, in case any of the insurgents survived the air raid.  A shot of adrenaline paced through her veins as she tactically continued towards the enemy stronghold.  The terrain was rather steep, forcing the team to slowly maneuver along the mountain face.  Sarah didn’t know if anyone saw the redness in her eyes or the dried tears, but no one seemed to acknowledge the fact.  Her emotions were held back by the power of battle, but the sadness tickled at the back of her conscious wanting to come to the forefront. 
         There was little resistance from the enemy, as the Bravo team coursed through the terrain towards the stronghold.  The Alpha team would occasionally offer a wave of bullets when the Bravo team was in vulnerable positions, but the airstrike seemed to have killed most of the enemies or at least sent them into make them retreat.  The team reached the stronghold only to find a series of small buildings either demolished or burning like a torch against the sky.  There were a few bodies laid across the ground, with sand already attached to their sodden mortal wounds. 
         After a tactical sweep of the small village, it was deemed that there were no insurgents left in the area.  The Alpha team had moved to the current location and canvassed the area.  Private Lopez radioed in to the main dispatch that the enemy stronghold had been eliminated, and the mission was complete.  Sarah looked on the devastation the missiles had caused, as the adrenaline slowly burned out of her blood.  The feeling of loss took over, as the feeling of sadness washed over her mind.
         The battalion began the trek back to camp.  Some of the soldiers sung popular radio songs, while others tried to rest after the long standoff.  Sarah sat in the back of the Humvee pretending to try and take a nap, but tears saturated the sleeve of her shirt.  The silence of the desert was deafening, with just the sound of the engines offering a steady hum.  Her lover sat in the back of the head Humvee, a standard military blanket draped over his body.  She thumbed the dog tags until the steel was hot and his name felt imprinted on her fingers.
         The troops arrived at camp slightly after three in the morning.  Everyone exited there Humvees with the gear on their back, as Jacob’s body was carried off into the darkness.  No one spoke a word and just headed to their bunks. 
         Sarah lied in her bed with the coldness that only time can shake off.  She struggled to get comfortable as the confines of her bed felt like a prison, and the desire to be home and not in this foreign land felt as strong as ever.  The calendar on the wall had the days crossed off with red ink. A star marked the day to go home, which would be exactly one week from the next day.  Eventually, all of the events of the night made Sarah’s eyes sink and sleep fell over.
         The morning sun glistened off the desert sand, as Sarah dressed to go the mess hall.  She checked over her uniform twice over and then headed for the morning breakfast.  There were a variety of options to eat, but nothing seemed appetizing, so Sarah just chose a line to get in and see what was available.  It was the standard breakfast buffet with pancakes, waffles, eggs from a premixed container, some potato concoction, and dry cereal.  She passed on the eggs and just ordered two pancakes and chocolate milk. 
         Sarah heard her named called out and saw Private Peter Hintzen sitting at a table with some others. 
         “Hey, Sarah,” Peter said.  “How you holding up?”
         “Good,” she said.  “Counting the days.”
         “Aren’t we all,” he said.  “Sorry to hear about Jacob.”
         “Thanks.”
         Sarah took a bite of her pancakes.  There was little taste other than the maple syrup.
         “I tried to do everything I could,” she said.
         “The best you can do,” he said.  “The Sergeant has a meeting scheduled for 10:00 hours.”
         A wave of queasiness flushed around her stomach and the saliva in her mouth turned into almost a past.
         “I’ll see you there,” she said.  “I am not feeling so hot.”
         “All right.”
         Sarah made her way to the bathroom as quickly as possible, trying to avoid throwing up in the mess hall.  Her stomached turned in knots with each step.  She just made it to the stall when she fell to the toilet and let her stomach drain.  The vomiting had made her eyes water up, as she sat holding the porcelain of a toilet in Iraq.  It took a few minutes for her to get back to her feet.  The meeting was only in twenty minutes, so she went up to the mirror and began to clean herself up.  She was unsure if it was the breakfast or the events that transpired the night before, but either way it hurt. 
         She arrived at the meeting room at 09:55 hours; in the military, to be on time was considered to be late.  There was a seat open in the back in which she took.  Sergeant Christian began speaking, “You guys did d a hell of job yesterday.  It was one of the fiercest skirmishes I have experienced to date, and we exceled in such difficult circumstances.  I’d like to say a job well done to everyone.  Last night we did suffer an extreme loss, as Private Jacob Butler lost his life in action.  I want everyone to take a moment of silence for our friend and fellow soldier…This team must hold strong in these difficult times.  The weight of loss can be extreme, but we must keep our alertness to its highest level even though we are all in mourning.  The next few days we will be training Iraqi Police, and then I believe you all have leave.  We will meet the Iraqi Police at their station at approximately 14:00.  Until then, take some to rest and reflect.  Thank you.”
         Everyone in the room stood and saluted the Sergeant.  He then did the same.
         “You are dismissed,” Sergeant Christian said.  “We will reconvene here at 01:00.”
         Sarah went back to her bed, as her stomach was still all torn up.  She awoke to everyone preparing to leave.  After she made sure everything was in order, and all her gear was accounted for and ready to use, she left with her battalion to the meeting hall.  The Humvees were loaded and within minutes they were passing through checkpoints along the Baghdad highway.  The natives often watched as the convoys passed, but not were allowed close due to the fear of IED’s.  They arrived at the Police Station where the officers were all lined up and at full attention.  Their commander told them something in Arabic, and they all loosened up and began to greet the soldiers.  Sarah was offered Chai tea, which she found strange that Chai tea was what they greeted guests with.  She never drank it, as it tasted like heated sugar water, plus the source of the water always concerned her.  The smell of the tea sent her on whirlwind of disgust as the odor was especially pungent. 
         The soldiers watched the police perform tactical maneuvers and then would correct them.  It was a lot nicer than being on the battlefield, but it was tough to teach through motions instead of verbal communication.  The battalion stayed for a few hours and then went back to base camp. 
         The next few days went by quickly for Sarah.  She used the routine of the military to take her focus off of Jacob’s death.  The nights and mornings were the worst, as there was not as much to do to keep busy.  The morning sickness continued for a few days, but she didn’t think much of it.  She figured it was just a bug from bad food or the stress of loss. 
         The day to finally go home had come.  Everyone loaded up their personal items and said goodbye to the friends they had made that still were working their tours.  The bodies of the soldiers lost in action were entered into the cargo bay with American Flags draped over their wooden coffins.  No one could stand to look for too long as the lost were loaded onto the plane.  The plane ride took a while to get back to the states.  Once the plane landed in Atlanta, Sarah then took a national flight to Newark airport.  Everyone on the flight was especially nice to her, as she still wore her soldier’s attire.  The stewardess were especially nice, offering any drinks and extra pillows each time they passed by.  The last ten months now seemed like a blur as she was back stateside.  All of the events started to meld together as time has a habit of making memories do.  The dog tags of Jacob were still wrapped around her neck, and she couldn’t help to handle the warm steel from time to time. 
         The flight arrived at Newark and she got the one carry-on bag she possessed and headed through the exits.  Her mother awaited in their family truck.  She smiled as her mother came in for a hug.
         “I missed you,” Sarah said.
         “I’m so glad your home.”
         The two held each for a few minutes, as both let out tears.  Sarah’s mother started the two hour drive home to New York.  At first they sat in silence, as words seemed to fall short of the emotions they were feeling.   
         “How is the family?” Sarah asked.
         “They are doing well,” she said.  “Everyone is coming over tomorrow to have dinner for your return home.”
         “I can’t wait to see everyone.”
         The two talked for a little while more, until Sarah eventually fell asleep after the long trip home.  She awoke to see the familiar raised ranch home that was common in the Northeast.  The white vinyl siding of the house shimmered against the lights that lit the pathway to the front door.  Sarah got her belongings out of the car and followed her mother inside.
         “Can I make you anything to eat?”
         “No thanks, Mom,” Sarah said.  “I think I am going to get some rest so I have energy tomorrow.”
         Sarah walked upstairs noticing how safe home felt after being in a foreign land for ten months.  Everything seemed to be in its right place, as her mother was meticulous when it came to the order of the house.  The stairwell was littered with photographs of the family at different ages, and she felt a warmth she hadn’t felt in almost a year. 
         Her room was exactly the way she had left it.  The walls were an ocean blue with brown carpets, and a closet full of clothes and books that all almost seemed to be new, as it was such a long time since she saw them last.  She rested on her bed, which had the fresh smell of dryer sheets, meaning her mother must have washed them for her return.  The ten months seemed like forever ago, as she sunk into the confines of the mattress.  Thoughts raced through her mind like the rapids of a stream, and everything became a muffled blurb, except two things: Jacob’s last words and the fact she now two weeks late.  She whispered the last words he spoke to her, as he had in his final breaths.  The sound of I love you stole her own breath away, as mourned softly into her pillow.  She was unsure what to do next.  The knowledge that she possessed let her down more thoughts of what to do next: the biggest being whether to keep the baby if she was indeed pregnant.  She decided that tomorrow before dinner she would buy a pregnancy test to see if she was really pregnant.  The decision to act put her mind to ease slightly, and she finally fell asleep. 
         The clock read ten in the morning as Sarah’s eyes slowly adjusted to the lighting of the new day.  She could hear her mother scurry downstairs preparing for the party.  For as long as she could remember, her mother never slept past the sunrise despite the season. It usually annoyed her to have mother meddling around in the morning, but today she enjoyed it. 
         She got out of bed and stretched each limb, then proceeded downstairs.  Her mother was getting everything in place.
         “Good morning, mom,” Sarah said.
         “Morning,” she said.  “How did you sleep last night?”
         “Well,” she said.
         The smell of breakfast emitted through the house.  Sarah walked into the kitchen and found her favorite meal sitting on the table: three pancakes and a large glass of chocolate milk.  She sat down at the table, while her mother finished cleaning.  The morning sickness had not been as bad as it had been in the past, so she was able to enjoy her breakfast. 
         Sarah went upstairs to shower and get ready to return to home life.  The thought of getting a pregnancy test became more and more of a burden.  She contemplated things to do to procrastinate, but the need to know seemed more prudent than anything else she could think of.  After wandering around for a little bit around the house, she decided it was time.
         The trip to the pharmacy felt like it was instant, as her mind was so tied up in thoughts that she drove on autopilot.  There were numerous pregnancy tests to choose from; a few of them looked like medicine boxes, while others had pictures of mothers holding babies in hand.  Sarah opted for one that looked like a regular medicine box, as the image of a baby seemed too realistic.  The cashier smiled as she rung up Sarah. The smile put more weight of the results of the test, so she quickly said thank you and rushed out the store.
         The white box looked too large on the grey leather seats of her truck, as if it was a cloud stretching across most of the sky.  She threw it in her purse to try and confine the impact it could potentially have on her life.  There was too much riding on this little piece of plastic.  She pulled into the driveway and quickly ran to the upstairs bathroom. 
         The instructions read to urinate onto the test, let it sit for a few minutes, and a positive result would be blue and a negative result red.  She laughed to herself as it looked like one of the double-tipped pens that teachers use to grade tests.  The sunlight filtered through the tree outside of the bathroom window like rain, as Sarah tried not to look down at the test.  Eventually, her eyes fell to the test.
         It was blue.
         Tears rolled down her face, and the warm salty saturation took her back to the night in Afghanistan where Jacob had lost his life in her arms.  The tears rolled heavier and heavier, as she felt to the floor. 
         “Are you all right?” Sarah’s mother asked from the hallway.
         Sarah tried to muster the strength to say yes, but her voice was lost in a low whisper.  She watched as the door handle slowly turned, and her mother peaked through the slim crack in the doorway.
         “Honey, what’s the matter?”
         Sarah was quickly embraced by her mother’s arm, as the tears sizzled against her mother’s skin.  The pregnancy test lied in plain sight, and her mother began to stroke her hair, trying to calm her daughter.  The two sat on the bathroom floor for a good twenty minutes, before Sarah finally could suppress her tears.
         “I don’t know what to do, Mom.”
         “Whose child is it?”
         “A soldier named Jacob who also served in my battalion,” Sarah said.  “We fell in love when we first went over, and he passed away in my arms as he spoke his last words to me.  It was only a few weeks from when we were supposed to come home.”
         Sarah saw her mother looking deep into her eyes.  Tears filled her mother’s eyes as she sensed she could feel the same loss that Sarah felt. 
         “What do I do?”
         “It’s up to you, Sarah.  Do you want to keep the child?  Do you want to let his parents know that you are carrying their grandchild?”
         All off these questions were ones that floated around her head for the last few hours, but seemed more tangible now that they were said in the open air, not trapped inside her mind. 
         “I want to keep it,” Sarah said.
         “Let us enjoy today with the family, then you and I can prepare everything.”
         “All right, Mom.”
         The two held each other for a little longer, and then the embrace was broken.  Sarah felt the weights of the heavens lift off her shoulder, as she finally knew the course of action she wanted to take.  She picked up the test still afraid to smile.  A surge of happiness ran through her body, but the rest of her life would be totally different than what she once imagined.
         The family dinner took her mind away from the morning torment, and it felt good to see all of her close friends and family.  Sarah and her mother decided to keep the pregnancy a secret for now, and let her settle back in to life at home.  The next few weeks passed quickly with a lot errands and catching up to be done.  The feeling of being home came back to her, as the alien feeling of war faded like chimney smoke into the winter night air. 
         A month had passed, and Sarah finally decided to head to Jacob’s family farm in North Carolina. The Butler’s home had the classic long driveway of a farm house.  There were trees that lined each side of the pavement with the leaves that had turned the color of the sun from the late autumn dampness.  Sarah drove her truck up the driveway and pulled it around the loop that encased a small garden with benches.  It was just how Jacob described it to her when the two talked at night after dinner.  She imaged Jacob once sat on these benches as a child.
         A short woman dressed in a light white dress stood in the doorway behind a screen meshed door.  She stepped out onto the porch and watched Sarah get out of the truck.  The wrinkles on her hands showed her age, but her features were still very beautiful.  Sarah walked towards the porch steps with her military attire on.  She was unsure on why she decided to wear the outfit, but it felt more comfortable being in the presence of Jacob’s family with it on.
         “Can I help you miss?” Mrs. Butler said from behind the screen door. 
         Yes, mam,” Sarah said.  “I am Sarah O’Connor.  I served with Jacob.”
         A smile came to Mrs. Butler’s face.  Sarah didn’t know how to respond.
         “You are as beautiful as Jacob said in his letters home.”
         Sarah blushed. 
         “So he wrote about me?”
         “Yes, of course.” Mrs. Butler said.  “Please come inside.  Would you like some iced tea? I just made it.”
         “Please,” Sarah said. 
She walked through the door, as Mrs. Butler led her to the kitchen.  The house had many pieces of antique furniture, and a fragrance that she thought she could always smell on Jacob.  Everything was  neatly placed just like her mother had things at home. The two sat at kitchen table, as Mrs. Butler filled two glasses with iced tea. 
         “I am sorry for your loss,” Sarah said.  She had wanted to say these words earlier to break the thick air, but the opportunity was somehow lost in the conversation.
         “Thank you,” Mrs. Butler said.  “It is tough, but he died doing what he thought was the right thing to do.  He wanted to serve because his grandfather served in World War Two.”
         “He never told me about him.”
         “He was in the Pacific Theater.  We put Jacob’s flag next to his grandfather’s uniform.  Let me show you.”
         The two walked into the living room.  There was an aged brick face fireplace with a picture of Jacob’s grandfather and Jacob on each side with their military accolades displayed eloquently underneath their pictures with their formal army attire on.  The picture of Jacob took Sarah’s breath away, as it had felt like an eternity since she had seen his face last. 
         “They look very nice next to each other,” Sarah said.
         “So what brings you all the way down here?” Mrs. Butler asked.  “I noticed your New York plates.”
         “I tried to help him when he was shot, and I heard his last words. He said that he hoped he made you proud and that he loved you.  I have a pair of his dog tags that I wanted to give you.”
         Mrs. Butler started to cry as Sarah was talking.  Sarah pulled out the dog tags and put them in Mrs. Butler’s hand.  The two stood in silence.
         “There is something else,” Sarah said.  Her throat felt dry as she didn’t know how exactly to her about the baby.
         “Jacob and I were in a relationship,” Sarah said.  “I found out I was pregnant when I got home, and Jacob is the father…I wanted to have you and your husband in his life.”
         Mrs. Butler started to cry a steady stream, and wrapped her hands around Sarah.  The tears became contagious, and so each other shared their tears on their shoulders.
         “Is everything all right in here?” Mr. Butler asked.  The two didn’t notice him until he spoke.  He wore a t-shirt and jeans and was wiping his hands clean of oil. 
         “Honey, this is Sarah,” Mrs. Butler said.  “She is pregnant with our grandchild.”  The words came in between deep inhales and tears.
         The concerned looked that arched on his face was replaced one of bewilderment.  He took a seat on the sofa. Sarah explained everything in detail to him, as she held Mrs. Butler.  Mrs. Butler eventually was able to wipe the tears away.  The three sat for lunch and talked for a few hours.  The main topics were Jacob and the child.  A few hours passed.
         “Would you like to stay for the night?” Mrs. Butler asked. 
         “I have to get going soon,” Sarah said.  “I am supposed to see my brother in Florida today.”
         “All right, honey.”
         Sarah and Mr. and Mrs. Butler exchanged addresses and phone numbers.  Sarah drove off waving out the window, as the Butlers waved goodbye while in an embrace.  They each held a wide smile.
         Seven months later, Jacob Jordan O’Connor was born in Danbury Hospital weighing six pound and four ounces.  His father’s dog tags hung from his, as he was wrapped in a white blanket.