Second Reality

Chapter 1: Reality



Thump, thump, thump…

Had you ever been in a situation where you just felt impotent? Powerless? Scared?

Well, that’s how I’ve felt every day. Thump, crash! As each day passed by I wondered, ever so deeply, how my life would have been if I had some control. A knot in my stomach danced with a horrible feeling of dread, yet no matter how I tried to slow down my breathing, no matter what beautiful lie I told myself, nothing could mollify me.

A lock of blonde hair fell down my damp face and I sat by the window to listen to my parents’ tirade. It was a war of threat and fear that only existed if you listened. Yet I dared not block my ears, for if there was a cry for help, I would blame only myself for not being able to answer it.

“No, no, please Pete don’t!” my mother’s muffled cries came down the stairs, but they weren’t of any use, for another thump followed them. Sitting behind the curtain I realized I couldn’t wait here like this, I couldn’t stand to hear them and the war hidden from my eyes, but not my ears and imagination. I couldn’t handle the chill and intense fear that seemed to be growing in my chest. 

I slowly, minding how shaken I was, pushed myself off the window ledge and ambled over to a closet. Shakily my hand rose to turn the doorknob, which led me to a suitcase filled with my clothes, a blanket and pillow. I just knew that sleeping here tonight would shred me up inside, hurt me more than I could risk, again. 

I took the suitcase and ran out the front door. By the time I reached the footpath I turned around to find my eyes lingering upon the open window that was the room in which my parents, Pete and Sue, were struggling.

The two-story house had a safe and graceful appearance, who would have guessed what horrors were dancing inside? I tore my eyes from my home and started a fast pace towards Christina’s house. Her family was more of a family to me than my own ever were. That thought sarcastically laughed through my mind as the cold night air began to sting. A distant scream entered my ears, but I wasn’t daunted… I had to ignore it.

Christina, and her mother Jane, they’re what I would call a family. Jane had once told me that I was welcome any time- even on short notice. They knew everything. The only difference was, they weren’t there. They didn’t see the repetitive torment.  They didn’t see me.

Their house was tiny in comparison to mine, but it was very pretty with its tiny white picket fence and the daisy garden bordered with dark stones. It looked as though it should have been in a movie; as if someone should have witnessed its beauty and the perfect family within it. Only a warped mind would wish to keep constant eye on my home. I didn’t think such a warped mind existed.

I turned into house number 16 on Sageine Street feeling vaguely calmer than I had before. Heavy heartedly, I stepped up the two steps that were so familiar to me and knocked on the wooden door. The door made a long creaking sound as it opened, and I felt a sigh escape my lips. To thank God they were home.

“Hope! What are you doing here? I didn’t expect… please excuse the mess, come in.” Jane turned her head to oversee what were obviously the leftovers of a party. Moving aside to let me in, she quickly fiddled with her dark brown hair so that it wasn’t such an awful mess.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                 

“Sorry for coming at such a bad time, its just I wasn’t really in the mood to be at home tonight. You know, I need to, err… take some time off studying.” I gave her a lame excuse, even when she knew the real reason as to why I visited.

“That’s fine Hope, just fine, no need for an apology.”

“Is Christina busy?” I asked prodding the pattern of blue flowers on my jeans.

“No she’s just in her room going through her clothes. You can go right on up” she replied.

Refusing to notice the look of concern on her face, I ambled through the living room and turned right, into Christina’s bedroom. Christina was bent over a pile of clothes as usual, picking and choosing which ones she no longer liked.

“Hey…” I walked into the middle of the room and stopped, I didn’t know what to say, I had run out of excuses with her- she always went straight to the point anyway.

“Another fight? Far out Hope, you might as well move in!” she stood up, “are you okay?”

“Yes… did you get any new books?” I turned to her bookshelf, and looked through what she had.

“Not since yesterday, you do realize that you ask me that every day, don’t you?” she came over to me, “besides, you’re avoiding the subject.” She waved an accusing finger at me.

“Don’t you have a special lunch tomorrow?” her face lit up as she forgot about my home life and thought of Stephan.

“Yes I do.” She closed her eyes and crossed her fingers, “help me pick out the perfect outfit?”

“What an adventure.” I spoke with sarcasm.

“Thank you!” she jumped up and down excitedly, “Stephan won’t know what’s hit him!”



I couldn’t sleep properly that night, falling in and out of dreams that were slightly too bizarre for my liking. By the time it was 6:30am I wasn’t able to recall much of them. All I could remember was a fish meowing and a leaf that was reading an old piece of paper, but I was too tired to bother with my dreams. I was thinking about home.

I thought I was going crazy. All I could think about was that my family was against me- they wanted to punish me. How could they not realize what their arguments were doing to me? How could my mother just sit there and take it? And how could my father dish it out without any remorse or regret?

I had begun to feel sick so I stopped thinking and tried to sleep. Then I realized that it was morning.

Christina woke up slowly, about ten minutes after I had. “Morning Hope.” She said sleepily, as she got up to get dressed. She had chosen to wear a bright pink skirt and flowery top. I hated it; she looked like she was dressing up as a fairy.

-“Oh no,” Christina said under her breath, “no, no, no, oh my god!” she turned to me frantically- “my hair brush- it’s gone.” I put my head under the blanket and rolled my eyes.

“Use a fork!” I shouted from under the blanket. I was joking, naturally, but she had obviously mistaken my sarcasm for sincerity. 

“I cannot- will not use a fork! Hope!” she put on a winy voice, “help me look for it- if I mess this up then Stephan will never like me…” she pulled the blanket off me and ran around her room again.

If my life was as simple as hers I could easily have helped her. Instead of helping her though, I stood in the middle of her room and kept very still. 

“Christina, it’s not the end of the world you know, I mean, it’s not like we haven’t survived the day without a brush before.”  I tried to make her see logic but unfortunately she, like always, didn’t listen to reason. She spun around and gave me a look that clearly said she was not impressed with my reply.

“I am having a very important day.” She stomped over to look under her bed, “I have to look better than everyone! And you just don’t understand that because you’ve never had anyone to dress up for.”

I started to look for the stupid hairbrush. She was right, I wasn’t popular- I had her as an after school friend who I wasn’t allowed to be seen with. And then I had Josh, the guy who used me to look different. I sighed.

Christina spent the whole morning in frantic search of her brush. In the end, I agreed to stop off at the hair salon with her. Personally I thought she looked incredible with or without perfect hair, so I told her so. Not that she believed me of course.



Walking up to the school I looked around; no friends to greet me, and no place to go. And it was my parent’s entire fault. All they cared about was that I was doing well in school and so, in affect, they were considered ‘good parents’. That was truly it; they only cared about how they looked and not what they were. ‘Home problems stay at home.’ They always told me. I’d never forget those words, because for so many years, those were the words that had trapped me.

I was standing at my locker and going through all my things, thrashing about my books and shoving my bag inside. Poor me… I thought to myself lightly, the victim of everyone’s gossip. I had found it easier to think in sarcastic tones over the years, it made the truth sound pathetic instead of painful. But really, the truth was painful like the world was painful. One could be envious of those who had survived in their own minds without interference.

“Did it happen again?” Josh came up behind me and shocked me back into reality.

“Did what happen?” I shouldn’t have asked. I knew this was about my home life.

“The fights?” he leaned against the locker next to mine and put on a playful smile, “I can always tell when there was a fight because you treat you’re books like their on fire the next day.” I looked to the ground and let out a groan.

“Yes, there was another one. Can we drop it?” I said this as calmly as possible. I restrained myself from any outbursts of anger because it was mandatory that I had someone in the school that didn’t hate me.

“Fine… so does this mean you’re in a bad mood today?” he asked edgily.

“Not if you change the subject.” I warned.

“And what becomes of me if I don’t?” he just couldn’t take a hint!

“Listen, I don’t have time for all this Josh, my patience is this thin.” I put my fingers together to show him I had zero patience. Then I closed my locker and looked straight at him. Almost assured he was done annoying me, I was then caught by a green line around his throat. The week before this, Josh arrived at school with a lime green string tied around his neck, and since all he ever wore was black, the item did not go unnoticed. I hated it.

“What? Hope, I don’t like it when you look at me like that- you look like you’re about to eat me.” Josh took a step back jokingly.

“Well, if I am then you couldn’t possibly blame me.” I crossed my arms over my chest.

“What have I done now?” he groaned.

“You have managed, once again, to wear that terrible string!”

“This is not a string hope,” he put on a dramatic voice, “it’s a symbol of the acuteness of my success driven, money enhancing and bloody brilliant mouth!”

“What?” I laughed out, “how do you figure?”

“Well,” he started to count on his fingers, “one; it is wrapped around my throat- which is where my voice box is. Two; green symbolizes money, and Three; The ‘string’, as you called it, is in a perfect circle- meaning that it is never ending, as is my success.”

“I think the only thing your mouth is good at is annoying me.” I scowled at him then warmed my way to class in a slightly better mood than I had arrived in.



“Hope, would you consider a love scene for drama class?” Josh asked slowly, once we had sat down.

“A love scene is- why do you want a love scene?”

“Well, I just thought it would be interesting… nobody else is gutsy enough to do it.”

“Right. Okay, a performance of love it is then.” I flicked my blonde hair out of the way and opened my notebook so Josh and I could plan our play. I felt a little uncomfortable though, I didn’t think I liked Josh in an embarrassing way or anything- but if I did, then it’d be hard to hear him talk to me as if we were in love. I felt a shiver. No, I didn’t like him like that. I didn’t even like liking like that!

I frowned at my scrambled thoughts.